NOTE: Part One can be read by clicking here:
http://ideagasms.tv/
"Jealousy and Frustration, Part Two"
***READER COMMENTS & QUESTION***
Hi Stephane,
Great newsletter on Jealousy.
Tonight I overheard few ladies at the bar talking. One
lady said " My boyfriend is so jealous, I Love it, it's so
Hot! " Her girlfriends agreed with her. They were like "Oh
My God, YES, that’s so HOT!"
I was trying to understand it. The only thing I can come up
with is She’s Needy Seeking Validation maybe issues with
Daddy and He’s Insecure(BF). I read and listen to a lot of
your work. Did I miss something? I also remember you saying
that women respond to external stimuli (negs, cocky funny
ect.) a long time ago. Can’t put it together. Love to hear
your insight.
What you teach should be in all the schools a prerequisite
for everyone.
>>>COMMENTS:
We humans tend to have a love/hate relationship with
jealousy.
On the one hand, jealousy can be annoying and a huge turn
off as it reeks of insecurity and is intuited as a "warning
sign" that the one who exhibits jealousy is (perhaps rather
paradoxically) the one who actually cannot be trusted!
This is especially true when jealousy reaches the degree of
high paranoia or obsession. Keep a watchful eye on those who
have jealousy or "trust issues", for it often means that
they themselves could soon betray you.
In theology, jealousy is said to be satanic. Although it is
not likely that there is an actual person/entity called
Satan; such a personage is merely allegorical (i.e., a
figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of
another). Regardless, the satanic represents an energy field
of very low consciousness.
Religious and spiritual beliefs aside, satanic energy has to
do with blood, killing, war, rape, etc., of which jealousy
often plays a significant role. It is said that lust leads
to possessiveness, and possessiveness in turn leads to
jealousy, which then naturally leads to the desire to kill.
Thus, if a woman claims she is "turned on" by jealousy,
one wouldn't expect her to be too highly evolved. That
said, it depends on the degree of jealousy and which form it
takes. Jealousy can be a "turn on" in that desire,
infatuation, and the resulting emotions are most often
confused in our society with love itself. For many, jealousy
is considered "proof of true love" even though jealousy
and love are actually two very different states.
Love is peaceful, silent, joyful and warm. It is unemotional
and accompanied by endorphins. Jealousy and desire, on the
other hand, are awfully emotional are are accompanied by
adrenaline.
Adrenaline is one thing; endorphins are quite another.
Some people like adrenaline. It makes them feel that they
are alive. Realize that very few people ever reach high
states or get to experience endorphins unless they drink or
do drugs (or have a baby).
Jealousy is a 'juicy' emotion of drama, and people are
generally hooked on drama. Even the most painful emotions
are secretly addictive. Adrenaline certainly feels better
than shame, guilt, apathy, and depression.
Chris Rock has a great routine about all of this. He says
that good, healthy, and loving relationships are boring, and
that unhealthy, dramatic, cheating, etc., relationships are
fun and exciting, and there is a certain (small) amount of
truth to that. Deep down, people really do love their drama,
however, it is because they simply don't know any better.
If people understood how to access endorphins and true bliss
states, they would give up their drama without hesitation.
Drama is exciting, but tiring. It drains one's vital life
energy. Bliss and endorphins, on the other hand, attract
life energy. Bliss is self-sustaining and never runs out. It
doesn't tax the body-mind, but heals and replenishes it.
One way to get off the addiction of drama and start
accessing bliss and endorphins is to learn how to develop a
Witness state. It is a state of peaceful detachment that
comes about by developing one's peripheral vision. (This is
so easy to do, I stand back in amazement that such a simple
and rewarding practice hasn't caught on.)
By contrast, drama-emotion is focused on the details of
experiencing. It takes a lot of energy to process the
infinite details of life. In Witnessing, however, you don't
"process" information or detail in the usual way at all.
You learn how to be "In the world, but not of it." In so
doing, the brain chemistry alters dramatically. Thoughts
lessen their grip on the mind and emotions, and both
begin fading away.
(Are there any "brain scientists" who read this
newsletter? I would love to strap my head into one of those
machines and demonstrate how slowed down this mind has
become due to the Witnessing state. It would also be
interesting to measure the current level of endorphins,
oxytocin, serotonin levels, etc., because I'm so 'blissed
out' these days that it is difficult to function or even
type this article. I love it when spirituality can be
demonstrated scientifically; I would love to participate in
some kind of brain/body experiment.)
In most people, the mind is filled with noise, chatter,
music, memories, worries, etc., and the images and voices in
the mind tend to be obnoxiously loud, large, bright, etc.,
and the average mind is really a non-stop annoyance. Most
people feel trapped inside their minds and live in fear and
dread of their own thoughts.
With the development of the simple Witness state, at first
the mind speaks in long stories and never-ending paragraphs.
Pretty soon, the stories begin to shorten; the long, drawn
out paragraphs become shorter and more positive. With a
little more practice, those long stories and paragraphs turn
into short little sentences.
As the mind ceases to be so over-active, a space is created
in the field of consciousness for silent bliss to "pour
in." Then, as the long sentences tend to get shorter,
pretty soon the sentences are more like two-word utterances.
The occasional sentence comes and goes, but now there is
more and more silent, glorious, empty space between them.
Analogously, most people experience a continuous traffic
jam, but with the Witnessing state, the streets become less
and less busy, with fewer and fewer cars going by.
As thoughts lessen their grip on the mind, the silence grows
stronger. As strange as it might sound, silence can actually
become louder than thoughts themselves. It is as if the
noise moves to the background while the silence moves in to
the foreground. (It is difficult to explain.)
As the resulting shifts in chemistry occur in the brain,
ecstatic endorphins are experienced. Stress seems almost
impossible. Meditative states are almost continuous, and
require very little 'effort'.
It is discovered that thoughts themselves were quite
literally the only 'cause' of stress all along. One
realizes that behind all those thoughts, there has always
been a silent peace and joy just waiting to be discovered.
Although this joy is definitely spiritual, it actually leads
to the mind and body "getting bathed" in bliss and ecstasy
(i.e., endorphins, etc.) to such a high degree as to make
drugs and booze seem pale by comparison.
For advanced guidance in developing a simple Witness state,
click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/into-the-field-of-consciousness/
...Were we talking about jealousy? Ah, who cares.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
How To Reassure A Woman Regarding Her "Looks"
***READER QUESTION***
This girl I have now thinks she is not good enough for me,
because she feels "fat." I don't mind she has a belly, I
have one, too :) I am going to teach her the anti-shyness
thing you once wrote about (not caring about what other
people think and having the confidence). But, I am not sure
how strong women are with their appearance, when it comes
to beauty?
>>>COMMENTS:
Well, you can't really teach her to "not care" about what
others think. Her mind does not have an "off button" or a
"stop caring" switch.
One way to solve a so-called human "problem" is to shift
and expand the context surrounding it. By analogy, this is
like widening a camera lens so that its focus includes the
whole ocean, rather than just one wave.
So, you can tell her a 'context expanding' story, such as
the following:
"An old man was in an old folks home, and he was going on
and on about how beautiful Susan, Mary, and Jessica were.
He was completely enamored with them, like a little school
boy.
The rest of the staff became puzzled by this. Susan, Mary, and
Jessica were 80 years old, and hardly "beautiful." They
all had wrinkles, blue-ish hair, fat bodies, veins on their
legs, and so on. One of them said, rather cynically,
'Those women might be gorgeous in your eyes, old man, but
to me, those three women are just old ladies in an old
folks home!'
The old man just laughed and said, 'Are you blind? Susan,
Mary, and Jessica are GORGEOUS!' and he pulled out their
photos from 1922. He showed those pictures to the staff,
and they had to admit... Susan, Mary, and Jessica were once
very beautiful, in the past.
The old man saw those three women as they were when he first
fell in love with them. And so it is when a man falls in
love with any woman. She remains the same way in his mind
and heart, forever. They say Love Is Blind, but it isn't
so much that Love Is Blind, it is that Love sees the true
essence of a woman. If you ask Love, a woman's essence,
her shine, her beauty, her Spirit... lasts forever.
Love creates a state of Timelessness. It essentially snaps a
timeless picture of the woman when the man first falls in
Love, and he carries her beauty with him, Always. To that
old man, those women were still as they were back in
1922."
...So tell her this story, because it is a truthful one.
It will likely bring a tear to her eye... Truth is funny
that way.
One of the qualities of the invisible field of Love is that
it is indeed Timeless and Eternal. Love does not change
like the weather does, nor does it change as our bodies
change.
But, don't expect this story to "fix" her.
Allow her to be insecure.
As men, we must accept a woman's insecurities as they are,
and go out of our way to remind them of their beauty every
single day without fail. There are some issues in life that
won't fully heal unless one reaches full Enlightenment, so in
the meantime, you learn to live with them and intend to
discover their inherent beauty and perfection.
THE DEEPER ISSUE
Her looks are tied to her survival and to her receptivity to
being loved. Men are lust machines; they're almost completely
ruled by lust because they do not understand how lust works
and how deeply it imprisons them. Moreover, they fail to
realize things don't have to be this way; lust does not
have to bond and dominate and enslave (but men do not
know this).
The best way to offer your woman security is to transcend
lust, by allowing it to "uncork" itself and thus move to
a higher plane. By analogy, one moves to a higher level of
the sea, or flies at a higher altitude in the sky... One
can fly above the clouds instead of below them.
One can be above the ego, rather than below it. (It is better
to ride the horse than to be under the horse, is it not?)
When a man heals his lust, only then can his woman feel
truly secure in the relationship. Although it may not
completely heal her insecurities about the way she looks,
it is a damn good start...
Women are extremely sensitive and can intuit everything we
think and feel; especially lust, because it is directly
tied into how they look and to their very survival. To help
heal a woman, one must heal one's self first. A woman
offers you a mirror. If she is insecure about her looks,
aside from telling her a cute, reassuring story, look at
your lust. On the surface she is insecure about her body,
but deep down she is asking you to transcend lust.
Women are here to challenge us in these kinds of ways:
http://www.ideagasms.net/transcending-lust/
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
This girl I have now thinks she is not good enough for me,
because she feels "fat." I don't mind she has a belly, I
have one, too :) I am going to teach her the anti-shyness
thing you once wrote about (not caring about what other
people think and having the confidence). But, I am not sure
how strong women are with their appearance, when it comes
to beauty?
>>>COMMENTS:
Well, you can't really teach her to "not care" about what
others think. Her mind does not have an "off button" or a
"stop caring" switch.
One way to solve a so-called human "problem" is to shift
and expand the context surrounding it. By analogy, this is
like widening a camera lens so that its focus includes the
whole ocean, rather than just one wave.
So, you can tell her a 'context expanding' story, such as
the following:
"An old man was in an old folks home, and he was going on
and on about how beautiful Susan, Mary, and Jessica were.
He was completely enamored with them, like a little school
boy.
The rest of the staff became puzzled by this. Susan, Mary, and
Jessica were 80 years old, and hardly "beautiful." They
all had wrinkles, blue-ish hair, fat bodies, veins on their
legs, and so on. One of them said, rather cynically,
'Those women might be gorgeous in your eyes, old man, but
to me, those three women are just old ladies in an old
folks home!'
The old man just laughed and said, 'Are you blind? Susan,
Mary, and Jessica are GORGEOUS!' and he pulled out their
photos from 1922. He showed those pictures to the staff,
and they had to admit... Susan, Mary, and Jessica were once
very beautiful, in the past.
The old man saw those three women as they were when he first
fell in love with them. And so it is when a man falls in
love with any woman. She remains the same way in his mind
and heart, forever. They say Love Is Blind, but it isn't
so much that Love Is Blind, it is that Love sees the true
essence of a woman. If you ask Love, a woman's essence,
her shine, her beauty, her Spirit... lasts forever.
Love creates a state of Timelessness. It essentially snaps a
timeless picture of the woman when the man first falls in
Love, and he carries her beauty with him, Always. To that
old man, those women were still as they were back in
1922."
...So tell her this story, because it is a truthful one.
It will likely bring a tear to her eye... Truth is funny
that way.
One of the qualities of the invisible field of Love is that
it is indeed Timeless and Eternal. Love does not change
like the weather does, nor does it change as our bodies
change.
But, don't expect this story to "fix" her.
Allow her to be insecure.
As men, we must accept a woman's insecurities as they are,
and go out of our way to remind them of their beauty every
single day without fail. There are some issues in life that
won't fully heal unless one reaches full Enlightenment, so in
the meantime, you learn to live with them and intend to
discover their inherent beauty and perfection.
THE DEEPER ISSUE
Her looks are tied to her survival and to her receptivity to
being loved. Men are lust machines; they're almost completely
ruled by lust because they do not understand how lust works
and how deeply it imprisons them. Moreover, they fail to
realize things don't have to be this way; lust does not
have to bond and dominate and enslave (but men do not
know this).
The best way to offer your woman security is to transcend
lust, by allowing it to "uncork" itself and thus move to
a higher plane. By analogy, one moves to a higher level of
the sea, or flies at a higher altitude in the sky... One
can fly above the clouds instead of below them.
One can be above the ego, rather than below it. (It is better
to ride the horse than to be under the horse, is it not?)
When a man heals his lust, only then can his woman feel
truly secure in the relationship. Although it may not
completely heal her insecurities about the way she looks,
it is a damn good start...
Women are extremely sensitive and can intuit everything we
think and feel; especially lust, because it is directly
tied into how they look and to their very survival. To help
heal a woman, one must heal one's self first. A woman
offers you a mirror. If she is insecure about her looks,
aside from telling her a cute, reassuring story, look at
your lust. On the surface she is insecure about her body,
but deep down she is asking you to transcend lust.
Women are here to challenge us in these kinds of ways:
http://www.ideagasms.net/transcending-lust/
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Should I Tell My Date That I'm Jealous?
***A QUESTION FROM OUR FORUM / SATSANG***
I've taken this girl from work, Susan, out a few times.
At her birthday party tonight I met this guy that seems
like he might be "The Competition."
I can't decide whether to bring it up or not. My solar-
plexus is going nuts.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
As a rule of thumb, when out on dates, "Think Out Loud."
I would have told her, "Woah, that guy looks like he could
be... *drumroll*... THE COMPETITION!"
Then crack a few jokes about it...
"The Competition... coming soon to a theatre near you!"
Maybe talk about the different ways for you to commit
suicide, etc. etc.
So, in this way, you welcome all other competing men, and
you're funnier, more loving, more self-aware, etc. than any
so-called "competition" out there. Life becomes a party and
a game which is easily won.
Your problem is you take all of this too seriously due to being
overly identified with the mind and refusing to Witness it
instead. So you get ensnared in its programs, in its thoughts,
in its childish emotionality's; it leads you down into hell
every time something doesn't go your way.
Stand back... denounce it... it is just an animal, a pet, a thing
to Witness and make fun of.
The human-animal-mind will be endlessly jealous, angry,
envious, childish, lustful, insecure, guilty, ashamed, afraid,
prideful, 'morally superior'... no sense in calling such a
stupid/silly thing 'the me'.
The moment you accept that the human body-mind is who
you are, you become trapped, enslaved, and in bondage.
Why be a piece of human-meat when you could be something
really worthwhile? Unless you ENJOY suffering and behaving
foolishly while in the company of attractive women, I suggest
you click here quickly and without any further delay:
http://www.ideagasms.net/into-the-field-of-consciousness
Come discover that you've been sleeping, and come learn how
easy it is to wake up... once you know how, step-by-step.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
P.S. - A few customer comments about this program:
"I listened to the first track last night, and it felt like I was in a
mushroom afterglow for about an hour. I tried to listen to the
second one when I woke up this morning, but it felt like I
couldn't take any more. Great product, thanks guys, you rock.
This Witnessing product is something else, 3 semi-bliss states
in the last 24 hours!"
-Ryan V., USA
"If anyone hasn't got this product yet......you're a fool, LOL. But
seriously, it basically puts you into instant unconditional love, or
what I think might be unconditional love. And God... track 2 makes
me cry. I don't think I've ever heard as much pure love come out of
Stephane's mouth than in that recording."
--Wes L., USA
"This is a great product. It's what I needed right now to quiet the
mind and break the habit of identifing with it. A real help to any
serious spiritual aspirant."
--Michael A., USA
"I went from feeling like crap and having the mind piss me off,
to feeling light as a feather without a care in the world. God
bless you guys, you rock."
--Mark R., UK
"This meditation is excellent. It ties all of the other products
together for me. It's like all the volumes of Cracking The M/F Code
are the road map, and this meditation is like the reading glasses.
Attempting to remain in meditation as much as possible using this
technique has already taught me so much!"
--Seth R., USA
I've taken this girl from work, Susan, out a few times.
At her birthday party tonight I met this guy that seems
like he might be "The Competition."
I can't decide whether to bring it up or not. My solar-
plexus is going nuts.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
As a rule of thumb, when out on dates, "Think Out Loud."
I would have told her, "Woah, that guy looks like he could
be... *drumroll*... THE COMPETITION!"
Then crack a few jokes about it...
"The Competition... coming soon to a theatre near you!"
Maybe talk about the different ways for you to commit
suicide, etc. etc.
So, in this way, you welcome all other competing men, and
you're funnier, more loving, more self-aware, etc. than any
so-called "competition" out there. Life becomes a party and
a game which is easily won.
Your problem is you take all of this too seriously due to being
overly identified with the mind and refusing to Witness it
instead. So you get ensnared in its programs, in its thoughts,
in its childish emotionality's; it leads you down into hell
every time something doesn't go your way.
Stand back... denounce it... it is just an animal, a pet, a thing
to Witness and make fun of.
The human-animal-mind will be endlessly jealous, angry,
envious, childish, lustful, insecure, guilty, ashamed, afraid,
prideful, 'morally superior'... no sense in calling such a
stupid/silly thing 'the me'.
The moment you accept that the human body-mind is who
you are, you become trapped, enslaved, and in bondage.
Why be a piece of human-meat when you could be something
really worthwhile? Unless you ENJOY suffering and behaving
foolishly while in the company of attractive women, I suggest
you click here quickly and without any further delay:
http://www.ideagasms.net/into-the-field-of-consciousness
Come discover that you've been sleeping, and come learn how
easy it is to wake up... once you know how, step-by-step.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
P.S. - A few customer comments about this program:
"I listened to the first track last night, and it felt like I was in a
mushroom afterglow for about an hour. I tried to listen to the
second one when I woke up this morning, but it felt like I
couldn't take any more. Great product, thanks guys, you rock.
This Witnessing product is something else, 3 semi-bliss states
in the last 24 hours!"
-Ryan V., USA
"If anyone hasn't got this product yet......you're a fool, LOL. But
seriously, it basically puts you into instant unconditional love, or
what I think might be unconditional love. And God... track 2 makes
me cry. I don't think I've ever heard as much pure love come out of
Stephane's mouth than in that recording."
--Wes L., USA
"This is a great product. It's what I needed right now to quiet the
mind and break the habit of identifing with it. A real help to any
serious spiritual aspirant."
--Michael A., USA
"I went from feeling like crap and having the mind piss me off,
to feeling light as a feather without a care in the world. God
bless you guys, you rock."
--Mark R., UK
"This meditation is excellent. It ties all of the other products
together for me. It's like all the volumes of Cracking The M/F Code
are the road map, and this meditation is like the reading glasses.
Attempting to remain in meditation as much as possible using this
technique has already taught me so much!"
--Seth R., USA
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Handling the Deep Fear of Getting Cheated On...
***ADVANCED DATING AND
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION***
Hey Stephane!
I'll try to keep this short...
So my biggest fear in relationships is that my gf would
cheat on me. Even if she just flirts a little or haves a
good time with some other guy it feels like I'm going to
v0mit. I feel literally sick. I also feel sick watching
tv-shows where people cheat their partners.
It feels I would rather get stabbed than get cheated on...
what's up with this?
I'm a 24 year old guy, with a wide dating and spiritual
history, but I just can't get a hold of this... I know how
guys are, and I know how easy it is to shake a woman's world
physically and mentally. I seem to have a belief that women
can't keep their legs closed if they are persuaded right.
This fear kicks in, and stays there, usually when I'm
starting a relationship with a woman that's above-average
in attractiveness.
I have never been cheated on really, but my current
girlfriend has made out with her ex. I've had this fear way
longer than I've even been in any relationship.
For me, cheating is the worst thing you can do to your
partner. I think I could never be capable of doing it.
It seems that I'd really need to see my girl turn down the
best pickup ever before I could trust in that.
I know this thing is in me...
Man, I don't mind breaking up, I don't really mind woman
breaking up with me for any reason. But idea of cheating
makes me NUTS... I feel how my chakras close the moment I
get that in my mind and my mind starts running in unhealthy
way.
I can endure almost everything in relationships (not being a
doormat or anything like that though, to be clear) and I'm
not giving them up easy as I believe consciousness and love
can work through any problems... my current girlfriend was
even hospitalized for her severe depress1on and we had many
ugly fights, but currently it's great as we both have dealt
successfully with a great deal of our personal issues.
I just called her and found out she's in a bar with her
girlfriend I just got the same old fear as strong as ever
even the things are good between us... For me it would be a
great relief to find out that she had cheated on me so I
could dump her, I would know if she could do that to me
early on... One weird thing is that I fear that I could
forgive someone cheating on me and continue with the
relationship... I actually fear that I could forgive
someone, it's weird to me. Maybe I fear of the unknown
situation what would follow from that?
I just don't know what's this about.... any thoughts???
Thank you, P.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The mind, in its attempt to try to intellectualize and
conceive what is Unconditional Love, often makes the
naive mistake in assuming that such a level of Love and
awareness would somehow magically result in one not
feeling anything at all, or not getting upset in the slightest,
should they discover they have been "cheated" on.
This is definitely not the case.
Perhaps rather astonishingly, getting "cheated" on, or
betrayed, may actually feel worse in the higher levels,
not better. (Although the subsequent healing / recovery
rate is much quicker.)
There comes a time when even the slightest non-integrity
becomes totally unbearable; especially something as
grave as cheating, infidelity, and betrayal, which are
really all forms of spiritual abuse/rape.
While you may be tempted to think that your deep fear and
agony regarding "cheating" partners might be a sign of
weakness or insecurity on your part, in truth, this is most
likely a sign that you are "awakening" spiritually (and
rapidly at that).
The symptoms of "spiritual ripeness" in the context of
dating and relationships often include:
* Feeling sick to your stomach when she isn't around;
* Inner conflicts (i.e., "the dual voices") within the
mind;
* Feelings of urgency/emergency in your solar plexus;
* Confusion as to whether or not you are insecure versus
very confident (i.e., "Am I just a prideful a-hole, or am I
really just genuinely confident?")
* Confusion as to whether or not you possess an unusually
powerful intuition, versus just plain paranoia (i.e., "Am I
just being paranoid? Surely my girl can be trusted...?
Am I going mad?")
* Etc.
The problem that may be occurring is in trying to deal with
all of these via the intellect -- It won't get you there...
The intellect will take you right up to the door, but it
won't get you to the Truth with a capitol 'T'.
For that, you must go beyond.
The intellect is linear, and based on the perception of
cause and effect. The mind sees everything sequentially
and dualistically. That is, it sees that there is a 'this'
causing a 'that'. (This is the whole problem.)
So, we humans tend to lay awake at night trying to put the
pieces of "evidence" in some kind of order that makes
sense or "proves" that someone we love is trustworthy or
not.
"She did this... wait! Maybe it means this, or that? But
hold on, the other night she also said x-thing to me... So,
she must love me! Yeah, I can definitely trust her, yep. Oh
no, wait! Now she's at a bar with her girlfriends! Hmm, I
wonder if this means she can't be fully trusted? Grrr."
...On and on like this until you drive yourself absolutely
insane with worry, sick feelings, the loss of intimacy, and
much more.
The problem is you're trying to solve a Love issue via the
intellect. But, logic is one thing, and Love is quite another.
Again, the intellect is based on duality and causality. It
is great for solving math and computer problems, but not
your Love life.
For Love, you need to move to a different paradigm.
You see, the intellect is linear, but Love is non-linear.
The intellect is looking for causes, but Love doesn't have
any 'cause' because it is from the field of consciousness.
(Similarly, gravity has no known 'cause'; gravity simply is.)
So, you have to jump to a higher paradigm in order to solve
all of your current questions, riddles, conundrums, and
especially those sick feelings in your belly. You can try to
make those feelings disappear by playing with your mind,
but you will not succeed. (It is the wrong tool.)
For one thing, you can't discern if a woman is
fundamentally integrous or non-integrous via the intellect
because Integrity is Love. The ability to discern essence
from appearance and therefore come to know the truth about
someone's honesty, integrity, motives, etc., doesn't come
from the mind, it comes from one's intuition.
Esoterically, this is known as the 'third-eye chakra', or
the All-Seeing Eye of the Spirit.
Although it may sound kind of 'spooky' or unreal if we use
esoteric terminology, intuition itself is well-known and
respected in all strata's of s0ciety -- even a dog would
have to agree.
When a dog sniffs you, this is how he discerns everything
about you. By your smell, he knows what food you had in the
last three days, he knows what you're thinking, what your
intentions are, he knows if you're alpha over him, or beta
under him, and guess what? The dog doesn't use his
analytical mind, he merely smells you.
The way to "smell" people (i.e., discern essence) is to
get beyond the mind and develop what has often been
called the 'sixth sense'.
No matter how sophisticated and educated you get, you must
get beyond 'causality' for spiritual discernment to truly kick
in. Same goes with unconditional love; one must go beyond
the mind. Love itself is beyond the mind, and spiritual
discernment is the ability to contrast Love with non-Love.
In order to contrast the two, one must first become Love.
(Love is the contextual field of consciousness and is
therefore accessible to all.)
This is when discernment really starts to 'kick in'. Before
someone even opens their mouth, I've registered their
body-language, mannerisms, eye contact patterns, rate of
breathing, level of confidence versus insecurity, and on
and on like this times Infinity. So you get to a point where
you can pretty much just look at a woman and come to know
if she's a "cheater" type or not.
If you're serious about getting all of these issues handled
once and for all, I strongly suggest having a good look at
the following:
Cracking The Male/Female Code (Volume 6)
Beyond Polarity: Advanced Spiritual Discernment
(Applications for Dating & Relationships)
Click here for more info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/beyond-polarity/
Included on that page are some audio and video clips.
Moreover, with this kind of information a fundamentally
honest and integrous man learns how to achieve genuine
aloofness around attractive women. Such states of
inner Stillness are what allows one to simply observe
a woman for a few seconds and instantly "get" how to
'pick her up', escalate things to a physical level, and
avoid getting any "buyers remorse" in the process.
Finally, after many years of seeking, and perhaps years
of 'pickup community' programming, one discovers that
there really are honest, and trustworthy, and heart-centered',
women in this world. (Approximately 0.4%.)
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION***
Hey Stephane!
I'll try to keep this short...
So my biggest fear in relationships is that my gf would
cheat on me. Even if she just flirts a little or haves a
good time with some other guy it feels like I'm going to
v0mit. I feel literally sick. I also feel sick watching
tv-shows where people cheat their partners.
It feels I would rather get stabbed than get cheated on...
what's up with this?
I'm a 24 year old guy, with a wide dating and spiritual
history, but I just can't get a hold of this... I know how
guys are, and I know how easy it is to shake a woman's world
physically and mentally. I seem to have a belief that women
can't keep their legs closed if they are persuaded right.
This fear kicks in, and stays there, usually when I'm
starting a relationship with a woman that's above-average
in attractiveness.
I have never been cheated on really, but my current
girlfriend has made out with her ex. I've had this fear way
longer than I've even been in any relationship.
For me, cheating is the worst thing you can do to your
partner. I think I could never be capable of doing it.
It seems that I'd really need to see my girl turn down the
best pickup ever before I could trust in that.
I know this thing is in me...
Man, I don't mind breaking up, I don't really mind woman
breaking up with me for any reason. But idea of cheating
makes me NUTS... I feel how my chakras close the moment I
get that in my mind and my mind starts running in unhealthy
way.
I can endure almost everything in relationships (not being a
doormat or anything like that though, to be clear) and I'm
not giving them up easy as I believe consciousness and love
can work through any problems... my current girlfriend was
even hospitalized for her severe depress1on and we had many
ugly fights, but currently it's great as we both have dealt
successfully with a great deal of our personal issues.
I just called her and found out she's in a bar with her
girlfriend I just got the same old fear as strong as ever
even the things are good between us... For me it would be a
great relief to find out that she had cheated on me so I
could dump her, I would know if she could do that to me
early on... One weird thing is that I fear that I could
forgive someone cheating on me and continue with the
relationship... I actually fear that I could forgive
someone, it's weird to me. Maybe I fear of the unknown
situation what would follow from that?
I just don't know what's this about.... any thoughts???
Thank you, P.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The mind, in its attempt to try to intellectualize and
conceive what is Unconditional Love, often makes the
naive mistake in assuming that such a level of Love and
awareness would somehow magically result in one not
feeling anything at all, or not getting upset in the slightest,
should they discover they have been "cheated" on.
This is definitely not the case.
Perhaps rather astonishingly, getting "cheated" on, or
betrayed, may actually feel worse in the higher levels,
not better. (Although the subsequent healing / recovery
rate is much quicker.)
There comes a time when even the slightest non-integrity
becomes totally unbearable; especially something as
grave as cheating, infidelity, and betrayal, which are
really all forms of spiritual abuse/rape.
While you may be tempted to think that your deep fear and
agony regarding "cheating" partners might be a sign of
weakness or insecurity on your part, in truth, this is most
likely a sign that you are "awakening" spiritually (and
rapidly at that).
The symptoms of "spiritual ripeness" in the context of
dating and relationships often include:
* Feeling sick to your stomach when she isn't around;
* Inner conflicts (i.e., "the dual voices") within the
mind;
* Feelings of urgency/emergency in your solar plexus;
* Confusion as to whether or not you are insecure versus
very confident (i.e., "Am I just a prideful a-hole, or am I
really just genuinely confident?")
* Confusion as to whether or not you possess an unusually
powerful intuition, versus just plain paranoia (i.e., "Am I
just being paranoid? Surely my girl can be trusted...?
Am I going mad?")
* Etc.
The problem that may be occurring is in trying to deal with
all of these via the intellect -- It won't get you there...
The intellect will take you right up to the door, but it
won't get you to the Truth with a capitol 'T'.
For that, you must go beyond.
The intellect is linear, and based on the perception of
cause and effect. The mind sees everything sequentially
and dualistically. That is, it sees that there is a 'this'
causing a 'that'. (This is the whole problem.)
So, we humans tend to lay awake at night trying to put the
pieces of "evidence" in some kind of order that makes
sense or "proves" that someone we love is trustworthy or
not.
"She did this... wait! Maybe it means this, or that? But
hold on, the other night she also said x-thing to me... So,
she must love me! Yeah, I can definitely trust her, yep. Oh
no, wait! Now she's at a bar with her girlfriends! Hmm, I
wonder if this means she can't be fully trusted? Grrr."
...On and on like this until you drive yourself absolutely
insane with worry, sick feelings, the loss of intimacy, and
much more.
The problem is you're trying to solve a Love issue via the
intellect. But, logic is one thing, and Love is quite another.
Again, the intellect is based on duality and causality. It
is great for solving math and computer problems, but not
your Love life.
For Love, you need to move to a different paradigm.
You see, the intellect is linear, but Love is non-linear.
The intellect is looking for causes, but Love doesn't have
any 'cause' because it is from the field of consciousness.
(Similarly, gravity has no known 'cause'; gravity simply is.)
So, you have to jump to a higher paradigm in order to solve
all of your current questions, riddles, conundrums, and
especially those sick feelings in your belly. You can try to
make those feelings disappear by playing with your mind,
but you will not succeed. (It is the wrong tool.)
For one thing, you can't discern if a woman is
fundamentally integrous or non-integrous via the intellect
because Integrity is Love. The ability to discern essence
from appearance and therefore come to know the truth about
someone's honesty, integrity, motives, etc., doesn't come
from the mind, it comes from one's intuition.
Esoterically, this is known as the 'third-eye chakra', or
the All-Seeing Eye of the Spirit.
Although it may sound kind of 'spooky' or unreal if we use
esoteric terminology, intuition itself is well-known and
respected in all strata's of s0ciety -- even a dog would
have to agree.
When a dog sniffs you, this is how he discerns everything
about you. By your smell, he knows what food you had in the
last three days, he knows what you're thinking, what your
intentions are, he knows if you're alpha over him, or beta
under him, and guess what? The dog doesn't use his
analytical mind, he merely smells you.
The way to "smell" people (i.e., discern essence) is to
get beyond the mind and develop what has often been
called the 'sixth sense'.
No matter how sophisticated and educated you get, you must
get beyond 'causality' for spiritual discernment to truly kick
in. Same goes with unconditional love; one must go beyond
the mind. Love itself is beyond the mind, and spiritual
discernment is the ability to contrast Love with non-Love.
In order to contrast the two, one must first become Love.
(Love is the contextual field of consciousness and is
therefore accessible to all.)
This is when discernment really starts to 'kick in'. Before
someone even opens their mouth, I've registered their
body-language, mannerisms, eye contact patterns, rate of
breathing, level of confidence versus insecurity, and on
and on like this times Infinity. So you get to a point where
you can pretty much just look at a woman and come to know
if she's a "cheater" type or not.
If you're serious about getting all of these issues handled
once and for all, I strongly suggest having a good look at
the following:
Cracking The Male/Female Code (Volume 6)
Beyond Polarity: Advanced Spiritual Discernment
(Applications for Dating & Relationships)
Click here for more info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/beyond-polarity/
Included on that page are some audio and video clips.
Moreover, with this kind of information a fundamentally
honest and integrous man learns how to achieve genuine
aloofness around attractive women. Such states of
inner Stillness are what allows one to simply observe
a woman for a few seconds and instantly "get" how to
'pick her up', escalate things to a physical level, and
avoid getting any "buyers remorse" in the process.
Finally, after many years of seeking, and perhaps years
of 'pickup community' programming, one discovers that
there really are honest, and trustworthy, and heart-centered',
women in this world. (Approximately 0.4%.)
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Definitive Pathway Into The Now...
JuicyJoy,
Forgive me, I realize I haven't been sharing much with the
public these days, and I realize not everyone is in a
position to purchase products. The last few months have been
very busy. We started our new forum, I wrote my book, and I
just finished writing all 60 of these very long, drawn out,
detailed Powerletters:
http://www.ideagasms.net/spiritualize-your-life/
I'm also 'seeking' to reach Enlightenment in a very
focused, non-stop, determined, "no matter what" kind of
way, so balancing this with running a business has been
pretty challenging. Anyway, I feel like I'm on 'cruise
control' at the moment, so I'll try to write up a few
"public" newsletters and blog posts.
Oh!
We also have our video blog which is finally up and
running:
http://www.ideagasms.net/category/video/
There are only a few videos up at the moment, but once we
finish up with Volume Six of Cracking The Male/Female Code
(soon!) my wife and I plan to start getting serious about
the video blog.
So anyway, for today I thought I would share a few tips
I've just written for the forum. I will have to post the
first half in this newsletter, and the second half on my
blog because I want to keep the cute little 'smilies' and
I also want to avoid 'spam filter' trigger issues.
(A link to my blog will be provided down below.)
"The Definitive Pathway Into The Now..."
Of course, there are hundreds of books that say, "Be in the
Now! And all your problems will go away!"
Well, that's nice, but who can actually FOLLOW that advice?
To live in the Now, you actually have to learn how to let go
of ALL fear and ALL desire. Otherwise, your mind will keep
on distracting you away from the Present. Fear and Desire
pull you out of the Now and into the past and future.
Therefore, to live your life in the Now, you have to get to
a point where you honestly don't care if you live or die.
So, it isn't easy.
Somehow, all the nice, shiny, fancy 'Now' books seem to
NOT mention that part :)
Consider the following...
***FORUM QUESTION***
Hey everyone, my GF's dad told me that lately he's been
having a hard time staying in the 'now'. So I thought it
would be a good idea to ask our friendly little spiritual
community here how we like to practice staying in the
'now'.
I will affirm to myself, "Yesterday is gone and there is no
future. There is only today, only now."
So... how do you do it?
Love always,
D.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First you need to evolve so that your thoughts are positive,
benign. Then you have to become kind, compassionate, and
considerate in all situations, even with your own mind, at
all times without exception.
Once these two steps are handled, move on to the next step:
You have to decide that you love God/Truth/Reality/Context
more than the world and more than your thoughts. Therefore,
you must reject your curiosity to look at, smell, feel, etc.
every thing and every thought. Reject your desire for
worldly pleasures, and simplify your life as much as humanly
possible. You must kindly reject every thing, every
activity, and every person who is non-integrous (without
exception).
Once this is done, go to the next step:
Continually reject ALL thoughts except one: 'I am'. You
will then be in "The Now", which is really the doorway to
Foreverness/Eternity and is your true Self.
So this is the basic formula for getting to be strong enough
to live in, and enjoy, "The Now." Anything less than
following this formula will likely lead to failure and
frustration. I am now quite competent at this, and can tell
you with full confidence that there truly is nothing more
satisfying, enjoyable, healing, and joyful.
-Stephane
JuicyJoy,
Those comments generated a few questions; if you'd like
to continue reading about this, click here to read the blog post:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-definitive-pathway-into-the-now/
Thanks for reading; that's all for today.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
Forgive me, I realize I haven't been sharing much with the
public these days, and I realize not everyone is in a
position to purchase products. The last few months have been
very busy. We started our new forum, I wrote my book, and I
just finished writing all 60 of these very long, drawn out,
detailed Powerletters:
http://www.ideagasms.net/spiritualize-your-life/
I'm also 'seeking' to reach Enlightenment in a very
focused, non-stop, determined, "no matter what" kind of
way, so balancing this with running a business has been
pretty challenging. Anyway, I feel like I'm on 'cruise
control' at the moment, so I'll try to write up a few
"public" newsletters and blog posts.
Oh!
We also have our video blog which is finally up and
running:
http://www.ideagasms.net/category/video/
There are only a few videos up at the moment, but once we
finish up with Volume Six of Cracking The Male/Female Code
(soon!) my wife and I plan to start getting serious about
the video blog.
So anyway, for today I thought I would share a few tips
I've just written for the forum. I will have to post the
first half in this newsletter, and the second half on my
blog because I want to keep the cute little 'smilies' and
I also want to avoid 'spam filter' trigger issues.
(A link to my blog will be provided down below.)
"The Definitive Pathway Into The Now..."
Of course, there are hundreds of books that say, "Be in the
Now! And all your problems will go away!"
Well, that's nice, but who can actually FOLLOW that advice?
To live in the Now, you actually have to learn how to let go
of ALL fear and ALL desire. Otherwise, your mind will keep
on distracting you away from the Present. Fear and Desire
pull you out of the Now and into the past and future.
Therefore, to live your life in the Now, you have to get to
a point where you honestly don't care if you live or die.
So, it isn't easy.
Somehow, all the nice, shiny, fancy 'Now' books seem to
NOT mention that part :)
Consider the following...
***FORUM QUESTION***
Hey everyone, my GF's dad told me that lately he's been
having a hard time staying in the 'now'. So I thought it
would be a good idea to ask our friendly little spiritual
community here how we like to practice staying in the
'now'.
I will affirm to myself, "Yesterday is gone and there is no
future. There is only today, only now."
So... how do you do it?
Love always,
D.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First you need to evolve so that your thoughts are positive,
benign. Then you have to become kind, compassionate, and
considerate in all situations, even with your own mind, at
all times without exception.
Once these two steps are handled, move on to the next step:
You have to decide that you love God/Truth/Reality/Context
more than the world and more than your thoughts. Therefore,
you must reject your curiosity to look at, smell, feel, etc.
every thing and every thought. Reject your desire for
worldly pleasures, and simplify your life as much as humanly
possible. You must kindly reject every thing, every
activity, and every person who is non-integrous (without
exception).
Once this is done, go to the next step:
Continually reject ALL thoughts except one: 'I am'. You
will then be in "The Now", which is really the doorway to
Foreverness/Eternity and is your true Self.
So this is the basic formula for getting to be strong enough
to live in, and enjoy, "The Now." Anything less than
following this formula will likely lead to failure and
frustration. I am now quite competent at this, and can tell
you with full confidence that there truly is nothing more
satisfying, enjoyable, healing, and joyful.
-Stephane
JuicyJoy,
Those comments generated a few questions; if you'd like
to continue reading about this, click here to read the blog post:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-definitive-pathway-into-the-now/
Thanks for reading; that's all for today.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Do You Get "Inner Freeze ups" With Women?
One of the very first areas that needs to be 'cleaned up'
in order to get a serious handle on dating & relationships
is this area of fearfulness, desire, 'over attraction',
and hesitation while being in the company of women.
The solar-plexus flares up, the hands are sweaty, and the
mind goes blank...
What's the quickest solution?
Consider this question:
***QUESTION FROM A READER***
Stephane,
[snip]...At some point all the crap in my head started going
around and I started to believe the ego all over again and
started acting creepy, so it didn't go further than that. I
froze up, and [snip]
Thank you, P.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The trick to handling this kind of "inner freeze up" is to
actually voice your exact symptoms to the woman, out loud.
You're simply reporting what's going on with your ego...
NOT in a shame-based way, but in a vulnerable, humble,
and truthful way.
NOT in an apologetic, weak, pathetic way, but in a
detached way where you are just confiding to her what the
truth is about your ego. If she's integrous, she will
appreciate this immensely, and probably start to open up
about the same kinds of things you're going through.
She has an ego, too.
The good news is that you are not your ego, you are not
your mind, and you are not your body. You are Spirit,
or Consciousness.
The way to find this out for yourself is simple.
All you need to do is stop right now and realize that
you're able to know what your mind thinks about.
If you were the thoughts, you wouldn't be able to Witness
them. Thus, you are the Silent Witness of the thoughts.
You are Consciousness, or Spirit.
So, you tell her that your solar-plexus is on fire, your
hands are sweaty, your brain is trying to find something
cute and clever to say so that she'll stay, and how right
now you can barely even remember your own name.
The way to get over shame, "inner freeze ups", and
nervousness is to simply stop trying to repress, hide,
deny, or fake that it doesn't exist. People try to pretend
that they are perfect, egoless, selfless... don't be one of
those people. The world has enough fake smiles,
puffed up chests, and pretending as it is.
Just tell women what's going on with you, and let the
chips fall where they may. That is, think outloud.
Don't worry if this "technique" is going to effectively
"attract" the girl or not -- just worry about your own
Integrity and ability to Love women. True confidence and
strength can only be obtained via absolute vulnerability,
you see.
With the simple practice of admitting your flaws, 'issues',
imperfections, fears, and human foibles, you start to accept
your own humanness instead of acting cool, prideful, and
'puffed up'. The world already has enough Joe Cool's in
it. By freely admitting your flaws to yourself and to the
world, it starts an inner process that disappears them.
To get an advanced education about all of this, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety/
Thanks for reading.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
P.S. - Enjoy these articles? What if I sent you a brand-new
Advanced article every single day for 60 days in a row which
is at least five times the size of what you have read here today,
at least twice as "deep", and specifically targeted onto certain
key aspects of the ego so as to begin the process of
disappearing it?
Click here for more info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/spiritualize-your-life/
The ego/mind is the cause of suffering. This eCourse teaches
you how to go beyond the mind and into the infinite field of
consciousness itself.
in order to get a serious handle on dating & relationships
is this area of fearfulness, desire, 'over attraction',
and hesitation while being in the company of women.
The solar-plexus flares up, the hands are sweaty, and the
mind goes blank...
What's the quickest solution?
Consider this question:
***QUESTION FROM A READER***
Stephane,
[snip]...At some point all the crap in my head started going
around and I started to believe the ego all over again and
started acting creepy, so it didn't go further than that. I
froze up, and [snip]
Thank you, P.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The trick to handling this kind of "inner freeze up" is to
actually voice your exact symptoms to the woman, out loud.
You're simply reporting what's going on with your ego...
NOT in a shame-based way, but in a vulnerable, humble,
and truthful way.
NOT in an apologetic, weak, pathetic way, but in a
detached way where you are just confiding to her what the
truth is about your ego. If she's integrous, she will
appreciate this immensely, and probably start to open up
about the same kinds of things you're going through.
She has an ego, too.
The good news is that you are not your ego, you are not
your mind, and you are not your body. You are Spirit,
or Consciousness.
The way to find this out for yourself is simple.
All you need to do is stop right now and realize that
you're able to know what your mind thinks about.
If you were the thoughts, you wouldn't be able to Witness
them. Thus, you are the Silent Witness of the thoughts.
You are Consciousness, or Spirit.
So, you tell her that your solar-plexus is on fire, your
hands are sweaty, your brain is trying to find something
cute and clever to say so that she'll stay, and how right
now you can barely even remember your own name.
The way to get over shame, "inner freeze ups", and
nervousness is to simply stop trying to repress, hide,
deny, or fake that it doesn't exist. People try to pretend
that they are perfect, egoless, selfless... don't be one of
those people. The world has enough fake smiles,
puffed up chests, and pretending as it is.
Just tell women what's going on with you, and let the
chips fall where they may. That is, think outloud.
Don't worry if this "technique" is going to effectively
"attract" the girl or not -- just worry about your own
Integrity and ability to Love women. True confidence and
strength can only be obtained via absolute vulnerability,
you see.
With the simple practice of admitting your flaws, 'issues',
imperfections, fears, and human foibles, you start to accept
your own humanness instead of acting cool, prideful, and
'puffed up'. The world already has enough Joe Cool's in
it. By freely admitting your flaws to yourself and to the
world, it starts an inner process that disappears them.
To get an advanced education about all of this, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety/
Thanks for reading.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
P.S. - Enjoy these articles? What if I sent you a brand-new
Advanced article every single day for 60 days in a row which
is at least five times the size of what you have read here today,
at least twice as "deep", and specifically targeted onto certain
key aspects of the ego so as to begin the process of
disappearing it?
Click here for more info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/spiritualize-your-life/
The ego/mind is the cause of suffering. This eCourse teaches
you how to go beyond the mind and into the infinite field of
consciousness itself.
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Overcoming Discussion Forum Ignorance
"Overcoming Discussion Forum Ignorance"
How To Post/Participate On A Forum
After running discussion forums for many years, I've
distilled a few "secrets" that I thought would be
interesting and entertaining to share.
Forums can actually be an awesome place! I've seen lifelong
friendships being created, AND destroyed. I also met my wife
and soul mate on a forum, believe it or not. She bought
something of mine, emailed me, came on our forums, started
posting, and I have no idea how it happened but today we're
happily married. Go figure. As it turns out, ideaGasms was
my "commercial" for finding Greta.
Forums have also been a source of extreme distress for me,
as they can inadvertently attract true cowards. The kind of
people that actually gain happiness from attempting to make
others feel wrong, stupid, ashamed, and even to make them
feel unlovable. (Actually, happiness is truly unknown to
such people. What they derive is pleasure, and confuse this
with happiness.)
As I begin to run my own forum once again, I note the vibe
is much more positive than ever, but I also note that a few
people still stumble around and make crucial mistakes. The
naivety of forum members is both endearing, and yet
frustrating because it makes you feel like a babysitter.
So, I thought I would attempt to write a type of Advanced
Participants Manual. If you're a forum participant --
either on my forum, or on other forums -- the purpose of this
article is to entertain, inform and inspire. It will include
a few "do's" and many "don'ts", but overall I wish to
convey an attitude.
Since my forum is a spiritually-oriented forum
(relationships, self-improvement, and even devotional
Enlightenment), I'm going to include spirituality in my
article.
Here goes:
1. A forum is not a computer program or web page, it is a
home where fellow human beings login and share, at times,
their innermost selves. Think of a forum as a home. Behave
in the same way you would normally behave in someone's
home. You're invited there as a dinner guest. When I come
over to people's homes, I often bring a small gift with me,
such as a bottle of wine, and sometimes I don't. It isn't
the cash-value, it's an attitude. A forum is not an
entitlement, but a gift exchange.
2. After dinner, sometimes I gather up the dishes, and
sometimes I even start cleaning the dishes. I'm not kissing
up to the host, but merely offering my energy in exchange
for theirs, to show my appreciation and respect. I don't
just sit there, eat the food, and expect everything to be
done for me. There is usually something I can do, to
contribute to the party. The host will often say, "No,
please, you're my guest, I'll clean that!" to which I
reply, "Be quiet and let me do the dishes." While there
are no "dishes" on a forum, there is always something one
can do to contribute a little more than the average house
guest. Note that even just asking the host, "Can I help
with sweeping the floors? Where's the broom?" can send
them right into tears of gratitude. (Note: I'm not asking
for anything, but merely trying to convey an attitude.)
3. Some people log into forums every couple of days, read up
on whatever the host is serving, and silently log off. This
is like walking into someone's home without saying hello,
grabbing some food from the table, eating it in the garage,
and letting yourself out the back door. And then telling
yourself that you're too "shy", or giving the lame,
pseudo-innocent excuse, "I don't know what to talk
about!" (but on a deeper level it is really just
narcissistic selfishness). It lacks courage, and
consideration. It is therefore cowardly and greedy.
4. Some people come to dinner, talk only about themselves,
eat whatever they can find, and disappear. For example,
someone will post something that is going on with them, and
the reader will ignore what they say and post their own,
"This is what's happening with ME" and log off. (Or
worse, the reader will post unsolicited advice... Grrr.) This is
like showing up at a wedding, forgetting the bride and groom,
ignoring the guests and relatives, getting drunk, and
picking up on the wedding chicks.
5. Some people will log in and immediately take on the role
of "The Great, All-Knowing Teacher." This is like going to a
university classroom and telling the professor to get you
some coffee, with one sugar and two creams, and proceeding
to draw equations on the blackboard and to start teaching
the class. This is also similar to showing up for a dinner
party with your own frying pans and steaks, and expecting
the guests... ah, you get the idea. Some people come to forums
and they immediately want to teach, yet they don't give the
other forum members a chance to respect them as teachers.
One should master 'studenthood' before 'teacherhood'.
6. Similarly, some people come to forums with an
"All-Wise" attitude in which they share (read: PARROT)
what they've learned from books, yet they never open up,
never ask a question, and never reveal any imperfection.
These same people offer advice to those who do ask
questions, yet they are passive-aggressive (i.e., they make
you feel inferior and stupid, but they are so polite and say
all the 'right' things so that you can't really call them
on what they are doing, yet your intuition knows what's
up).
7. Some people post very short sentences, such as, "I know
what you mean, man!" or "That happened to me once" and
nothing more. They don't actually add anything, for fear
that they will say something dumb, which would then cause
shame. Avoidance of shame actually stems from pride. When
you view yourself through a lens of pride, any perceived
mistake or imperfection is magnified. Note that pride is a
loveless energy field. (Watch out for these people, because
they are weak, and weakness is dangerous. Any dog knows
that!)
8. So these first seven points are probably the most common
forum etiquette mistakes people make. Number 8 is probably
the most common CAUSE of the above, and it also stems from
loveless pride. It is simply the narcissism in which the
poster naively assumes he is "better" than everybody else.
Since he believes this (perhaps unconsciously), his
perceptions are going to distort everything he sees and
reads on the forum (e.g., bias). He will see the other
posters as "geeks" or "idiots", and engage in a
variation of ALL of the above mistakes. (The downside of
Pride is that it has to be defended, and it is easily
knocked off it's pedestal into Shame.) Or, the flipside
of this is the assumption that others are better than him.
Surprisingly, this also stems from narcissism. The
downside of Pride is you're always going to be "shy"
and "too careful" because you're paranoid about
getting slammed into Shame. Think about it!
A forum, especially one such as mine, as it is a
spiritually-based forum, or truth-based forum, is one of the
few places on this entire planet where you can actually meet
your very best friends and soul mates. (This is a proven,
verifiable, and easily demonstrable fact.)
These are THE people, when you die, that are going to be
there with you in Heaven (assuming you make it that high).
It isn't just "mojo_man" and "sander-blaster" and
"reekmaster" and "weird_girl_22" -- on a spiritual
forum, these "forum posters" can turn into your friends in
the truest sense of the word friends. True friendships are
Eternal, therefore, approach them as such. Approach people
with Reverence.
This is the problem with forums and the internet. We see all
these icons and images and posting names and avatars, and we
get lost in the computerized details. We don't feel the
heartbeat, the warm blood, the soul, and we don't get to
look someone in the eye and truly connect with them (unless
we make a greater effort to do so).
And, most of all, we forget that a forum (such as mine, but
certainly not limited to mine) isn't just a place to grab
free information and log off. But rather, it is a place
where you can meet people that will go out of their way to
support you however they can.
I remember last year, we had this girl "AJ" who needed
emergency dental surgery. Her wisdom teeth were popping out,
and she had no money. The pain was excruciating... So, we
all threw in 5 bucks, or 35 bucks depending, and within two
to three hours, she had enough to get her teeth fixed. Case
closed. (She later reported that she was crying because she
never felt so loved in her entire life.)
We men, for example, often complain that we can't find the
right girl, and that we're not satisfied with the Love in
our lives, but I'm here to remind you that unless you know
how to post on a forum, you can forget your love life! :-)
The following, on a much more positive note, are some basic
forum posting guidelines:
1. When someone posts something, know the difference between
someone who is simply sharing, versus someone asking for
advice. The difference is crucial, as it applies to all of social
life without exception. Unsolicited advice is condescending,
and it arises from narcissistic pride. Ask yourself, "Do
they seem to want advice? Or did they just share
something?" If they want advice, by all means, let loose.
But otherwise, just VIBE with them. Thank them for sharing,
and possibly share something of your own. But, before you
share your own thing, make sure to acknowledge their thing
first. Don't just jump in and say, "You'll never believe
what happened to me today!" When you acknowledge others,
you are acknowledging the human spirit, which is not
separate from your own heartbeat.
2. Don't just post what's right with you, post what's
wrong with you also. Humility does not have to result in
humiliation. It results in love entering your life,
regardless of what other people say about you. Don't
pretend like you're not struggling, we all struggle. Life
is DAMN hard, and is really one big torture chamber and
house of horrors. It's OK to admit the truth of that. The
house of mirrors that is the human ego/mind is a formidable
negative force. Parroting big, important-sounding spiritual
"catch-phrases" is not the same as becoming them. Most
people pretend "I already know" but if they knew it fully,
they would be Enlightened. We're all just attempting to
know as best we can. Therefore, for every post you share
which is positive, try to match it with something negative.
Share your struggles, your fears, and your suffering. Put
your ego out there so we can all have a good laugh at it,
together. There is a time to teach, and a time to share and
learn, and strangely, many people get the syntax wrong.
3. Make friends with people, FOR REAL. This isn't just the
internet, this is LIFE. Your internet friends are just as
real as your flesh-and-blood neighbors. Let them know they
count. If someone posts something interesting or even great,
and it makes you realize something important for yourself,
post a thank you, and even consider sending them a PM with a
small thank you note of appreciation. Kindness and gratitude
are the exception in our world. Become the exception as best
you can.
The new-and-improved ideaGasms forums have been GREAT so
far, and this isn't so much to "correct" anyone -- it is
written out of my gratitude, and my desire to continually
improve. All of us can always improve.
If you're a member of my Powerletters eCourse and you
don't post on the forums, shame on you :-)
Here's what I mean:
I spoke to someone recently that told me they went through a
very intense "dark night of the soul" after reading one of
the lessons, I think it was lesson 5. Then... this person
mentioned how they wish they had spiritually-oriented
friends.
It never even occurred to this person that they could have
logged onto my forums, posted about what they are going
through, and had access to a small community of like-minded,
heart-centered, "instant friends" who would not only
LISTEN, but would actually CARE to listen to every word
sincerely. (That people resist and avoid Love at any cost
becomes evermore apparent as time goes on.)
Let's face it, this world, for the most part, f*cking
sucks. Most people are seriously full of sh*t,
passive-aggressive, downright evil, annoying, rude, cold,
narcissistic, selfish and greedy, and much, MUCH more :-)
There are rare people currently on my forums who are going
to make it to Unconditional Love, and possibly even
Enlightenment. This is no small thing! As Jesus might say,
these are the few who make it to Heaven, so to speak. This
is hardly a group of people you would want to ignore, unless
you're a complete fool... This is the "cream of the crop",
really, and that's not an ego aggrandizing statement but a
spiritual fact.
So this is my late-night forum rant, thanks for reading.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
How To Post/Participate On A Forum
After running discussion forums for many years, I've
distilled a few "secrets" that I thought would be
interesting and entertaining to share.
Forums can actually be an awesome place! I've seen lifelong
friendships being created, AND destroyed. I also met my wife
and soul mate on a forum, believe it or not. She bought
something of mine, emailed me, came on our forums, started
posting, and I have no idea how it happened but today we're
happily married. Go figure. As it turns out, ideaGasms was
my "commercial" for finding Greta.
Forums have also been a source of extreme distress for me,
as they can inadvertently attract true cowards. The kind of
people that actually gain happiness from attempting to make
others feel wrong, stupid, ashamed, and even to make them
feel unlovable. (Actually, happiness is truly unknown to
such people. What they derive is pleasure, and confuse this
with happiness.)
As I begin to run my own forum once again, I note the vibe
is much more positive than ever, but I also note that a few
people still stumble around and make crucial mistakes. The
naivety of forum members is both endearing, and yet
frustrating because it makes you feel like a babysitter.
So, I thought I would attempt to write a type of Advanced
Participants Manual. If you're a forum participant --
either on my forum, or on other forums -- the purpose of this
article is to entertain, inform and inspire. It will include
a few "do's" and many "don'ts", but overall I wish to
convey an attitude.
Since my forum is a spiritually-oriented forum
(relationships, self-improvement, and even devotional
Enlightenment), I'm going to include spirituality in my
article.
Here goes:
1. A forum is not a computer program or web page, it is a
home where fellow human beings login and share, at times,
their innermost selves. Think of a forum as a home. Behave
in the same way you would normally behave in someone's
home. You're invited there as a dinner guest. When I come
over to people's homes, I often bring a small gift with me,
such as a bottle of wine, and sometimes I don't. It isn't
the cash-value, it's an attitude. A forum is not an
entitlement, but a gift exchange.
2. After dinner, sometimes I gather up the dishes, and
sometimes I even start cleaning the dishes. I'm not kissing
up to the host, but merely offering my energy in exchange
for theirs, to show my appreciation and respect. I don't
just sit there, eat the food, and expect everything to be
done for me. There is usually something I can do, to
contribute to the party. The host will often say, "No,
please, you're my guest, I'll clean that!" to which I
reply, "Be quiet and let me do the dishes." While there
are no "dishes" on a forum, there is always something one
can do to contribute a little more than the average house
guest. Note that even just asking the host, "Can I help
with sweeping the floors? Where's the broom?" can send
them right into tears of gratitude. (Note: I'm not asking
for anything, but merely trying to convey an attitude.)
3. Some people log into forums every couple of days, read up
on whatever the host is serving, and silently log off. This
is like walking into someone's home without saying hello,
grabbing some food from the table, eating it in the garage,
and letting yourself out the back door. And then telling
yourself that you're too "shy", or giving the lame,
pseudo-innocent excuse, "I don't know what to talk
about!" (but on a deeper level it is really just
narcissistic selfishness). It lacks courage, and
consideration. It is therefore cowardly and greedy.
4. Some people come to dinner, talk only about themselves,
eat whatever they can find, and disappear. For example,
someone will post something that is going on with them, and
the reader will ignore what they say and post their own,
"This is what's happening with ME" and log off. (Or
worse, the reader will post unsolicited advice... Grrr.) This is
like showing up at a wedding, forgetting the bride and groom,
ignoring the guests and relatives, getting drunk, and
picking up on the wedding chicks.
5. Some people will log in and immediately take on the role
of "The Great, All-Knowing Teacher." This is like going to a
university classroom and telling the professor to get you
some coffee, with one sugar and two creams, and proceeding
to draw equations on the blackboard and to start teaching
the class. This is also similar to showing up for a dinner
party with your own frying pans and steaks, and expecting
the guests... ah, you get the idea. Some people come to forums
and they immediately want to teach, yet they don't give the
other forum members a chance to respect them as teachers.
One should master 'studenthood' before 'teacherhood'.
6. Similarly, some people come to forums with an
"All-Wise" attitude in which they share (read: PARROT)
what they've learned from books, yet they never open up,
never ask a question, and never reveal any imperfection.
These same people offer advice to those who do ask
questions, yet they are passive-aggressive (i.e., they make
you feel inferior and stupid, but they are so polite and say
all the 'right' things so that you can't really call them
on what they are doing, yet your intuition knows what's
up).
7. Some people post very short sentences, such as, "I know
what you mean, man!" or "That happened to me once" and
nothing more. They don't actually add anything, for fear
that they will say something dumb, which would then cause
shame. Avoidance of shame actually stems from pride. When
you view yourself through a lens of pride, any perceived
mistake or imperfection is magnified. Note that pride is a
loveless energy field. (Watch out for these people, because
they are weak, and weakness is dangerous. Any dog knows
that!)
8. So these first seven points are probably the most common
forum etiquette mistakes people make. Number 8 is probably
the most common CAUSE of the above, and it also stems from
loveless pride. It is simply the narcissism in which the
poster naively assumes he is "better" than everybody else.
Since he believes this (perhaps unconsciously), his
perceptions are going to distort everything he sees and
reads on the forum (e.g., bias). He will see the other
posters as "geeks" or "idiots", and engage in a
variation of ALL of the above mistakes. (The downside of
Pride is that it has to be defended, and it is easily
knocked off it's pedestal into Shame.) Or, the flipside
of this is the assumption that others are better than him.
Surprisingly, this also stems from narcissism. The
downside of Pride is you're always going to be "shy"
and "too careful" because you're paranoid about
getting slammed into Shame. Think about it!
A forum, especially one such as mine, as it is a
spiritually-based forum, or truth-based forum, is one of the
few places on this entire planet where you can actually meet
your very best friends and soul mates. (This is a proven,
verifiable, and easily demonstrable fact.)
These are THE people, when you die, that are going to be
there with you in Heaven (assuming you make it that high).
It isn't just "mojo_man" and "sander-blaster" and
"reekmaster" and "weird_girl_22" -- on a spiritual
forum, these "forum posters" can turn into your friends in
the truest sense of the word friends. True friendships are
Eternal, therefore, approach them as such. Approach people
with Reverence.
This is the problem with forums and the internet. We see all
these icons and images and posting names and avatars, and we
get lost in the computerized details. We don't feel the
heartbeat, the warm blood, the soul, and we don't get to
look someone in the eye and truly connect with them (unless
we make a greater effort to do so).
And, most of all, we forget that a forum (such as mine, but
certainly not limited to mine) isn't just a place to grab
free information and log off. But rather, it is a place
where you can meet people that will go out of their way to
support you however they can.
I remember last year, we had this girl "AJ" who needed
emergency dental surgery. Her wisdom teeth were popping out,
and she had no money. The pain was excruciating... So, we
all threw in 5 bucks, or 35 bucks depending, and within two
to three hours, she had enough to get her teeth fixed. Case
closed. (She later reported that she was crying because she
never felt so loved in her entire life.)
We men, for example, often complain that we can't find the
right girl, and that we're not satisfied with the Love in
our lives, but I'm here to remind you that unless you know
how to post on a forum, you can forget your love life! :-)
The following, on a much more positive note, are some basic
forum posting guidelines:
1. When someone posts something, know the difference between
someone who is simply sharing, versus someone asking for
advice. The difference is crucial, as it applies to all of social
life without exception. Unsolicited advice is condescending,
and it arises from narcissistic pride. Ask yourself, "Do
they seem to want advice? Or did they just share
something?" If they want advice, by all means, let loose.
But otherwise, just VIBE with them. Thank them for sharing,
and possibly share something of your own. But, before you
share your own thing, make sure to acknowledge their thing
first. Don't just jump in and say, "You'll never believe
what happened to me today!" When you acknowledge others,
you are acknowledging the human spirit, which is not
separate from your own heartbeat.
2. Don't just post what's right with you, post what's
wrong with you also. Humility does not have to result in
humiliation. It results in love entering your life,
regardless of what other people say about you. Don't
pretend like you're not struggling, we all struggle. Life
is DAMN hard, and is really one big torture chamber and
house of horrors. It's OK to admit the truth of that. The
house of mirrors that is the human ego/mind is a formidable
negative force. Parroting big, important-sounding spiritual
"catch-phrases" is not the same as becoming them. Most
people pretend "I already know" but if they knew it fully,
they would be Enlightened. We're all just attempting to
know as best we can. Therefore, for every post you share
which is positive, try to match it with something negative.
Share your struggles, your fears, and your suffering. Put
your ego out there so we can all have a good laugh at it,
together. There is a time to teach, and a time to share and
learn, and strangely, many people get the syntax wrong.
3. Make friends with people, FOR REAL. This isn't just the
internet, this is LIFE. Your internet friends are just as
real as your flesh-and-blood neighbors. Let them know they
count. If someone posts something interesting or even great,
and it makes you realize something important for yourself,
post a thank you, and even consider sending them a PM with a
small thank you note of appreciation. Kindness and gratitude
are the exception in our world. Become the exception as best
you can.
The new-and-improved ideaGasms forums have been GREAT so
far, and this isn't so much to "correct" anyone -- it is
written out of my gratitude, and my desire to continually
improve. All of us can always improve.
If you're a member of my Powerletters eCourse and you
don't post on the forums, shame on you :-)
Here's what I mean:
I spoke to someone recently that told me they went through a
very intense "dark night of the soul" after reading one of
the lessons, I think it was lesson 5. Then... this person
mentioned how they wish they had spiritually-oriented
friends.
It never even occurred to this person that they could have
logged onto my forums, posted about what they are going
through, and had access to a small community of like-minded,
heart-centered, "instant friends" who would not only
LISTEN, but would actually CARE to listen to every word
sincerely. (That people resist and avoid Love at any cost
becomes evermore apparent as time goes on.)
Let's face it, this world, for the most part, f*cking
sucks. Most people are seriously full of sh*t,
passive-aggressive, downright evil, annoying, rude, cold,
narcissistic, selfish and greedy, and much, MUCH more :-)
There are rare people currently on my forums who are going
to make it to Unconditional Love, and possibly even
Enlightenment. This is no small thing! As Jesus might say,
these are the few who make it to Heaven, so to speak. This
is hardly a group of people you would want to ignore, unless
you're a complete fool... This is the "cream of the crop",
really, and that's not an ego aggrandizing statement but a
spiritual fact.
So this is my late-night forum rant, thanks for reading.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Hidden, Secret Law: Attract Women Instantly!
***POPULAR QUESTION***
Stephane,
I really like your style and I'm blown away by your
articles, I've always been a spiritual guy and can relate
to what you say. My question is, do you feel that getting a
woman into your life can be done with the Law of Attraction?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
This 'law of attraction' in the application
towards one's dating & relationship success -
Holding a picture of a woman in mind is nice and all, but
then you need to take into account many, many more factors
such as your/her level of consciousness, your karma, your
social status, your emotional habits, and more.
In the old days, the so-called "Law of Attraction" was
actually just called prayer. Just good ol' prayer! People
got on their knees and everything.
But you know how it is, once the greedy marketers get their
hands on spiritual truth, it becomes "The Secret" law of
attraction, complete with best-sellers and banner ads to
"Click here! Attract Anything You WANT In 30 Days! Super
Secrets REVEALED For The First Time Ever! Click me, b*tch!"
Since God is misunderstood by the infantile ego as being a
father figure, modern man can't help but feel a little
"off" or even "creeped out" by the G-word. It conjures
up all sorts of scary images, and especially, guilt.
God isn't a parent, God is Allness. To this day, most of
the world still hasn't figured this one out. We actually
fear Everythingness, Allness, Existence, Universe, or
whatever term you would prefer.
You are the content, and God is the Context.
God is Context, that's all. Therefore, it's perfectly OK
to pray again. And getting on your knees adds power to the
mix because it is an act of humility, love, and worship.
Humility, love, and worship are infinitely more powerful
than greed, getting, wanting, craving, desiring, and
especially, marketing.
If the P-word and the G-word still make you feel weird,
there is another word for it called Intention. You hold an
intention in mind, and assuming your level of consciousness,
karma, and social status are in good standing within our
Universe, you'll eventually get girls to sleep with you.
This is the beef I have with all the marketing "hoopla"
about Law of Attraction. You see, it rarely takes into
account one's Context.
Context is much larger and more determinant of what it is
you can attract to yourself. Context determines what choices
are going to be made available to you. The drunken homeless
schizophrenic can visualize all the women he wants, but you
and I both know what his outcome is going to be.
Karma, level of consciousness/awareness, and social status
are important. (So is one's general health.)
Everything is physical/mental, and spiritual.
Content, and Context.
Content is the ego, body, and thoughts.
Context is the level of awareness, and karma, which are very
closely related to God.
Therefore, work on your level of consciousness, acquire
positive karma through selfless service, and pray. This
aligns you with the Context (God).
As for the content, be sure to eat, shower, and keep your
mind free from negativity as best you can.
Thanks for your question. And of course, for a ridiculous
amount of wisdom, practical solutions, and every question
you can even think to ask about succeeding with women, click
here and get everything you can, as fast as you can:
I have shared nothing less than pure spiritual truth as
revealed by Enlightened mystics to help the listener resolve
every issue that comes up in the context of dating &
relationships without exception.
The fact that you even send me questions such as these to
begin with suggests that you still would rather remain
enslaved by illusions and suffering.
This isn't an insult -- The ego itself loves to suffer.
I've taken the wisdom of the Enlightened sages and made it
comprehensible. But the mind worships fear and victimhood.
Liberation from suffering is actually something people fear,
because it brings an end to narcissistic self-indulgence.
However, the wisdom is there, and it is backed up by a very
solid understanding of pickup/dating/seduction/psychology,
so that the average "community guy" can easily understand
how to apply Ultimate Truth and Unconditional Love towards
the much-needed ability to become fearless and free in the
dating and relationship world, which is a very f*cking
difficult world to navigate without a spiritual compass.
Cracking The Male/Female Code is dedicated to the end of
suffering in pickup, dating, and relationships. It was
created for the non-cowards who have the guts to put down
the bag of transparent seduction tips and conquer fear,
shame, guilt, anxiety, worry, stress, confusion, insecurity
once and for all.
Pride, sarcasm, looking cool, and cocky-funny can only get
you so far, gentlemen. I'd like to help you face those
hidden inner demons, and all that you are trying to hide
from women. Pride, you see, is too easily knocked down off
its pedestal into Shame. Cracking The M/F Code will show you
what the clever marketers don't have the guts to look at.
And then there are the infinite number of non-PUA's who
suffer from the illusion of "I already know all that stuff."
I'd rather work with the PUA's, frankly. They have a certain
humility about them, a willingness to ask questions without
worrying that it could reveal they aren't perfect.
Stephane Hemon
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Kitty And The Woman
***QUICK QUESTION***
I took a part time job in the “nightlife scene” recently
where I take party pictures for a website. Means I interact
with maybe 100 girls per night (usually in groups). After
taking pics I am open for some little chat, but conversations
never go longer than maybe a minute (mostly not at all)
because of my messed up inner game. And it as well does
happen very very rarely that girls approach me later. In one
audio newsletter you told me to drop EVERY routine… which
is what I did.
My question here is: I know that the inner game is where all
the leverage it and I am committed to work it (I've thrown
away and deleted every piece of porn I’ve ever owned).
But is there a difference between using routines and having
something ready to say or ask? Or is it necessary to go completely
frozen cold turkey?
Thanks a lot,
G.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Here's the key: All approaches depend on the level of
consciousness of the girl. If she is in pride, then it would
make sense to be arrogant, cocky, indifferent, and try to
display one's status. If she is a "punk" on the level of
anger, then the approach might be to approach with a bad
attitude, and spend time with her criticizing all the people
in the venue with her.
The key is to stick to your own level. You're obviously
entering the heart level. Integrity matters to you.
Manipulation feels uncomfortable. Arrogance and trying to be
the alpha-male is proving to be fruitless. Therefore,
approaching with courage, directness, honesty, and humility
is what will work, but only with the girls that are on your
own level. As you work on your humor, playfulness, and
directness, you get to the point where it makes perfect
sense to take your photos, decide which girl you want, and
just approach her and say, "I get off at 11. Come and meet
me later."
Just the simple, direct, courageous, and integrous
approaches work best. The simpler the better. The less words
you use, the more powerful it can be. With this, there must
be a willingness to play a number's game. If you don't get
the girl almost right away, you let her go.
Dating life feels complex because the emotions of guilt,
pride, anger, fear, anxiety, etc. are like a thick veil that
distort reality and makes everything more difficult than it
really is. As you work on zen-surrendering and
re-contextualizing all these emotions, they begin to
dissolve.
As they dissolve, joy begins to come into the foreground,
and the fear-based emotions move to the background.
Eventually, even the word "insecurity" becomes extremely
funny. You then approach women from a state of
peace/joy/bliss, rather than the usual states of
lust/neediness/resentment/fear-of-rejection.
From there, just about every woman is easily "yours for the
taking", because you are socially and romantically
fearless, but there is the wisdom of spiritual discernment
and a knowingness to stick to your own level and let the
majority of women to be with someone more appropriate
for them.
Finally, as if to say, "You're Home now, in Heaven", all
of the feelings of attraction, desire, lust, infatuation,
'crushes', denial, repression, fake smiles, trying to
control her, wondering if she wants you, etc. melt away.
Emotion is replaced by peacefulness, humility, compassion,
and pure love. Happiness is there, almost continuously, and
you are like a rock. Your ability to maintain peaceful,
genuine eye contact with women is, in the end, all that you
were ever seeking.
There are no clever lines, no explaining yourself, no
justifications for your actions, no worries about
'offending' her, and no more trying to anticipate what her
next move is going to be. If she comes home with you, great,
and if she slaps your face, that's ok too. It no longer
changes your state. A vicious rejection, a great bl0wjob...
whatever. It's all the same.
Think of how you feel about your kitty at home. You love
your kitty. Sometimes your kitty doesn't want your love,
but that doesn't upset you. It's always acceptable, and even
kind of cute. You try to pick up the cat to give him a hug
and he jumps out of your arms as if to say, "I'm not in
the mood." But your love doesn't change, you still feel
the love for your kitty even though the love is not being
returned. Eventually, kitty always comes around and purrs in
your lap. If not that kitty, then another kitty. It's all the same.
The women will walk away, but it doesn't change your state.
You still love them; even the hardest, toughest, coldest
b*tches become cute and actually very lovable. You can't
force yourself to feel this way, but it comes naturally as
you peel off the layers of emotions/ego. Love becomes a
permanent way of life, and it is an energy field. It is no
longer a person loving a person. There is no 'this' loving
a 'that'. It becomes a constant energy field that has no
cause. There is nothing causing love, just as there is
nothing causing gravity. The gravity is a constant. Love
becomes a constant. Women come and go, and it is of little
or no importance anymore. One woman is as good as the next
woman. None of them are special or unique.
We all think our kitty is the "bestest, most specialest and
awesomest" kitty in the whole wide world, but actually
there's only one kitty and it expresses the kitty energy in
a million different kitty bodies. Sure, there are physical
differences, color variations, and personalities, but as
time goes on you realize that you loved all of your kitties
just the same. None of them are special or unique.
Your love is like the gravity, and the women are the apples
in the tree. On occasion, when conditions are favorable
such as the time, the weather, and the ripeness of the apple,
your gravity pulls the apple down off the tree and into your
energy field.
There are no pickup lines or any 'causes', it is just the
natural way of things in the universe. On some days,
plenty of apples fall from the tree, and on other days,
no apples fall. But it is all balanced out in the end so
there is never anything to worry about.
When you come to love all of life in all it's expressions
equally, with no preference for any of it, you're truly
free, you're Home at last, and you've passed every human
"test" there is. Life becomes extremely enjoyable, to say
the least. The apples fall and don't fall, the kitties purr
and don't purr, the women come and go, but underneath
it all the joy of your own existence remains forever.
Alright, I'm done for today, thanks for reading.
Blessings,
Stephane
I took a part time job in the “nightlife scene” recently
where I take party pictures for a website. Means I interact
with maybe 100 girls per night (usually in groups). After
taking pics I am open for some little chat, but conversations
never go longer than maybe a minute (mostly not at all)
because of my messed up inner game. And it as well does
happen very very rarely that girls approach me later. In one
audio newsletter you told me to drop EVERY routine… which
is what I did.
My question here is: I know that the inner game is where all
the leverage it and I am committed to work it (I've thrown
away and deleted every piece of porn I’ve ever owned).
But is there a difference between using routines and having
something ready to say or ask? Or is it necessary to go completely
frozen cold turkey?
Thanks a lot,
G.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Here's the key: All approaches depend on the level of
consciousness of the girl. If she is in pride, then it would
make sense to be arrogant, cocky, indifferent, and try to
display one's status. If she is a "punk" on the level of
anger, then the approach might be to approach with a bad
attitude, and spend time with her criticizing all the people
in the venue with her.
The key is to stick to your own level. You're obviously
entering the heart level. Integrity matters to you.
Manipulation feels uncomfortable. Arrogance and trying to be
the alpha-male is proving to be fruitless. Therefore,
approaching with courage, directness, honesty, and humility
is what will work, but only with the girls that are on your
own level. As you work on your humor, playfulness, and
directness, you get to the point where it makes perfect
sense to take your photos, decide which girl you want, and
just approach her and say, "I get off at 11. Come and meet
me later."
Just the simple, direct, courageous, and integrous
approaches work best. The simpler the better. The less words
you use, the more powerful it can be. With this, there must
be a willingness to play a number's game. If you don't get
the girl almost right away, you let her go.
Dating life feels complex because the emotions of guilt,
pride, anger, fear, anxiety, etc. are like a thick veil that
distort reality and makes everything more difficult than it
really is. As you work on zen-surrendering and
re-contextualizing all these emotions, they begin to
dissolve.
As they dissolve, joy begins to come into the foreground,
and the fear-based emotions move to the background.
Eventually, even the word "insecurity" becomes extremely
funny. You then approach women from a state of
peace/joy/bliss, rather than the usual states of
lust/neediness/resentment/fear-of-rejection.
From there, just about every woman is easily "yours for the
taking", because you are socially and romantically
fearless, but there is the wisdom of spiritual discernment
and a knowingness to stick to your own level and let the
majority of women to be with someone more appropriate
for them.
Finally, as if to say, "You're Home now, in Heaven", all
of the feelings of attraction, desire, lust, infatuation,
'crushes', denial, repression, fake smiles, trying to
control her, wondering if she wants you, etc. melt away.
Emotion is replaced by peacefulness, humility, compassion,
and pure love. Happiness is there, almost continuously, and
you are like a rock. Your ability to maintain peaceful,
genuine eye contact with women is, in the end, all that you
were ever seeking.
There are no clever lines, no explaining yourself, no
justifications for your actions, no worries about
'offending' her, and no more trying to anticipate what her
next move is going to be. If she comes home with you, great,
and if she slaps your face, that's ok too. It no longer
changes your state. A vicious rejection, a great bl0wjob...
whatever. It's all the same.
Think of how you feel about your kitty at home. You love
your kitty. Sometimes your kitty doesn't want your love,
but that doesn't upset you. It's always acceptable, and even
kind of cute. You try to pick up the cat to give him a hug
and he jumps out of your arms as if to say, "I'm not in
the mood." But your love doesn't change, you still feel
the love for your kitty even though the love is not being
returned. Eventually, kitty always comes around and purrs in
your lap. If not that kitty, then another kitty. It's all the same.
The women will walk away, but it doesn't change your state.
You still love them; even the hardest, toughest, coldest
b*tches become cute and actually very lovable. You can't
force yourself to feel this way, but it comes naturally as
you peel off the layers of emotions/ego. Love becomes a
permanent way of life, and it is an energy field. It is no
longer a person loving a person. There is no 'this' loving
a 'that'. It becomes a constant energy field that has no
cause. There is nothing causing love, just as there is
nothing causing gravity. The gravity is a constant. Love
becomes a constant. Women come and go, and it is of little
or no importance anymore. One woman is as good as the next
woman. None of them are special or unique.
We all think our kitty is the "bestest, most specialest and
awesomest" kitty in the whole wide world, but actually
there's only one kitty and it expresses the kitty energy in
a million different kitty bodies. Sure, there are physical
differences, color variations, and personalities, but as
time goes on you realize that you loved all of your kitties
just the same. None of them are special or unique.
Your love is like the gravity, and the women are the apples
in the tree. On occasion, when conditions are favorable
such as the time, the weather, and the ripeness of the apple,
your gravity pulls the apple down off the tree and into your
energy field.
There are no pickup lines or any 'causes', it is just the
natural way of things in the universe. On some days,
plenty of apples fall from the tree, and on other days,
no apples fall. But it is all balanced out in the end so
there is never anything to worry about.
When you come to love all of life in all it's expressions
equally, with no preference for any of it, you're truly
free, you're Home at last, and you've passed every human
"test" there is. Life becomes extremely enjoyable, to say
the least. The apples fall and don't fall, the kitties purr
and don't purr, the women come and go, but underneath
it all the joy of your own existence remains forever.
Alright, I'm done for today, thanks for reading.
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dating & Relationships: The One And Only Solution
***READER QUESTION***
Dear Stephane,
here's my deal.. I am sucking of people's energy.
I became conscious of that maybe half a year ago. Since
then I FEEEEEL how within the second of becoming in contact
with someone I start sucking their energy. Like I am a huge
vacuum cleaner constantly sucking. This especially applies
to social situations and meeting girls. If I apply 80% of my
conscious will-power I kind of am able to stop it for some
time. But then I am just a weird dude standing around tense.
When I was starting off with pick up stuff, I mostly used
M*stery’s techniques. Since I switched from all that routine
stuff to just being, the problem mentioned above became
really obvious to me. Without a fancy routine girls
immediately feel what’s up too and the game is off.
Visualising what you want girlwise, then go out, just be
cool and unattached to any outcome and be open, let the
universe do the rest.
Since I am really into self-improvement, I am familiar with
a many many of the concepts. I’ve asked the same question as
well in different pickup forums. I do have archived pretty
good success in many areas of my life thru self-improvement.
But this point is just a rock I was not able to clime yet.
Nothing of what I’ve came in contact with jet was able to
really help me here YET.
Goal: Just be… be without wanting stuff. Overflowing with
positive energy and giving my love freely to ppl. without
any expectations.
Bless you,
M.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The only solution to ALL dating/relationship problems is
always the same; one must elevate one's level of
consciousness/awareness to that of Unconditional Love.
The way to do this is actually quite simple, but it requires
massive dedication and perseverance. It is all about
"surrender", and as you learn what this means, your level of
consciousness will rise, and as it rises, you will
understand what it means to "surrender" more and more
until Unconditional Love is reached. Every step forward will
serve to deepen your understanding of this word, Surrender.
When the state is reached, ALL of your issues, problems, and
questions about dating & relationships dissolve.
Surrender means that you're willing to let go of anything
and everything that stands in the way of pure lovingness,
which is a way of being with one's self and others.
Unconditional Love is the sunshine, and the ego is the
clouds, blocking the sunshine. The ego is a complex
structure, but it is unraveled piece by piece, block by
block. To surrender means that you're willing to
progressively let your ego patterns go. As you surrender
them, this allows more and more Love to shine forth.
It is really that simple, however, only 0.4% of humans ever
reach the level of Unconditional Love. This is because most
people are not aware of how their ego works, and they lack
the integrity & humility that is required to progressively
let it go.
Currently, most people would literally prefer to die than to
admit they could be in error about something. This is true
of most people. The ego is a strong force, however, with the
willingness to embrace humility on a deep level, the ego
begins to fall apart.
The primary 'food' the ego needs in order to survive is
negativity. The ego requires guilt, shame, greed, malice,
anger, and so on. To let go of all negativity is to let go
of the ego and open to Unconditional Love.
The number one reason most people do not embark on a
spiritual path is guilt. We don't want to 'look within'
because we know we're going to find guilt. Piles and piles
of repressed guilt. So, most people put their spiritual
evolution on hold until "later."
Therefore, guilt is the very first issue we need to tackle,
and with humility, it is actually quite easy to handle. The
trick is to soften your conscience up a little, train it to
be kind, gentle, forgiving, and therefore humble.
You were born a human. You therefore have an animal brain.
We all have an animal brain, and this animal brain is prone
to territorialism, jealousy, envy, pride, greed, avarice,
desire, fear, and other forms of negativity and
non-integrity. The human mind is basically a non-integrous
little animal with the emotional IQ of a two-year-old baby.
And you're supposed to find Salvation (Unconditional Love)
in spite of this.
Animals are very fortunate because they are already total
and complete. Animals are in a state of perfection, they are
like little Buddha's. But humans are different.
An integrous human being begins to feel an incredible
tension because he compares the person he is today with the
person he would like to be tomorrow. Animals are just
animals - they are not concerned with personal growth,
self-improvement, relationship mastery, and spiritual
reality. They are just being what they are, so they don't
experience existential angst and spiritual frustration like
we do.
Welcome to the spiritual path. It is very difficult, but it
is also the most rewarding thing a person could ever do -
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
(In your case I suggest either Volume 2, or Volume 4.)
Thanks for your question.
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Unconditional Love: Certain Signs To Watch For
One of my favorite films is American Beauty, and I often
talk about the character Ricky Fitts with my students
because his behavior gives many clues that his level of
consciousness is more-or-less on the level of Unconditional
Love.
For one thing, his 'pickup' style is pretty damn flawless.
When he approaches that girl after class, and she says, "I
really don't need anyone obsessing over me right now!" he
barely even blinks. His ability to hold a prolonged, open
visual gaze with her and not even change his state was
pretty impressive.
His reply was also quite impressive. He just looked at her
and spoke the simple truth, "I'm not obsessing. I'm just
curious." No anger, no pride, no defensiveness, no anxiety...
Just the truth.
In another scene, when his father is beating him, Ricky just
surrenders to the experience. He puts up no resistance
whatsoever, and then he tells his father exactly what he
needed to hear in order to get him to stop the violence:
"You're right, Dad. I need structure and discipline. Thank
you for trying to teach me. Don't give up on me, Dad."
No resistance, no resentment, no anger. Only surrender. He
accepts his father just the way he is, and he appears to
have a lot of compassion for him in their final scene
together where he says, "What a sad, old man you are."
There is another scene where they are driving along, and the
father is complaining about "faggots." Ricky can intuit
that his father would not be able to handle the truth, so
rather than trying to change him, he just said, "Those
faggots make me want to puke my f*cking guts out, sir."
One could say that he was lying, but the way I see it, he
was merely saying whatever he needed to say that would
ensure a peaceful outcome. By accepting the father's
limitations, he avoided another violent scene. I'm also
very committed to telling the truth, but in some contexts
you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be subjected
to violence for it. Violence is not always desirable. So
everything depends on the context, and on intention.
And then, of course, there is the infamous "plastic bag scene"
where he shows his new girlfriend a video recording of a
plastic bag 'dancing' in the breeze, and talks about how he
can intuit that there is a whole world which exists "behind
things." The fact that he can intuit the nonlinear is quite
impressive.
I noticed quite a few people making fun of that scene;
it's because people who fall below integrity don't yet
have any subjective awareness of the nonlinear field
of consciousness (God).
He then begins to cry "because there is so much beauty in
the world", which is yet another sign that he is reaching
states of Unconditional Love. At this level, beauty makes
you cry.
He also sees beauty where most people see only ugliness. For
example, he was standing there, filming a dead bird, and when
the girls asked him why he would film something like that,
he said, "Because it's beautiful." Just a simple, clear
statement of fact - he didn't try to convince anyone, he
just stated it, and left it up to the girls to respond
however they wanted to.
Which brings me to the blond girl, I forget her name, but
the girl who aspires to be a model. She would always insult
him, tease him, and call him names. But, Ricky Fitts would
simply not respond. It was as though he could filter out all
the negativity. He accepted her rude behavior from a place
of compassion. He didn't argue, get defensive, or try to
change her in any way. He wasn't aloof, he comes from a
sincere place of Unconditional Acceptance. Aloof is
repressed; acceptance is pure.
I remember another scene (I've seen this film dozens of
times) where Ricky talks about finding a bag lady who
had frozen to death on the streets, and filming her. He
mentioned something like, "In those moments it feels
like you're looking at God, and if you're really careful,
you can feel God looking right back at you."
Again, he seems to be accessing high spiritual states
of Unconditional Love and putting it in his own simple
language.
He also mentions that he no longer has any fear, which
is obviously a sign that he is quite evolved spiritually.
Of course, people think he's a little weird, but this is
to be expected on this path. People will find you
strange, and often become suspicious of you. For one
thing, you don't react to the negativity of the world,
you're very calm usually. For another thing, you make
unexpected decisions, you're considered unpredictable,
and even scary to a great many people.
How could Unconditional Love states actually SCARE
people? Well, Love and Peace are intuited by the human
ego as strange, foreign, unpredictable, unexplainable,
weird, and these states are largely unknown by most
people. And to the ego, anything that fits these descriptions
is often feared, avoided, and even hated and ridiculed.
American Beauty.
Man, what a great film...
I'll talk to you later.
Many Blessings,
Stephane
talk about the character Ricky Fitts with my students
because his behavior gives many clues that his level of
consciousness is more-or-less on the level of Unconditional
Love.
For one thing, his 'pickup' style is pretty damn flawless.
When he approaches that girl after class, and she says, "I
really don't need anyone obsessing over me right now!" he
barely even blinks. His ability to hold a prolonged, open
visual gaze with her and not even change his state was
pretty impressive.
His reply was also quite impressive. He just looked at her
and spoke the simple truth, "I'm not obsessing. I'm just
curious." No anger, no pride, no defensiveness, no anxiety...
Just the truth.
In another scene, when his father is beating him, Ricky just
surrenders to the experience. He puts up no resistance
whatsoever, and then he tells his father exactly what he
needed to hear in order to get him to stop the violence:
"You're right, Dad. I need structure and discipline. Thank
you for trying to teach me. Don't give up on me, Dad."
No resistance, no resentment, no anger. Only surrender. He
accepts his father just the way he is, and he appears to
have a lot of compassion for him in their final scene
together where he says, "What a sad, old man you are."
There is another scene where they are driving along, and the
father is complaining about "faggots." Ricky can intuit
that his father would not be able to handle the truth, so
rather than trying to change him, he just said, "Those
faggots make me want to puke my f*cking guts out, sir."
One could say that he was lying, but the way I see it, he
was merely saying whatever he needed to say that would
ensure a peaceful outcome. By accepting the father's
limitations, he avoided another violent scene. I'm also
very committed to telling the truth, but in some contexts
you have to ask yourself if you're willing to be subjected
to violence for it. Violence is not always desirable. So
everything depends on the context, and on intention.
And then, of course, there is the infamous "plastic bag scene"
where he shows his new girlfriend a video recording of a
plastic bag 'dancing' in the breeze, and talks about how he
can intuit that there is a whole world which exists "behind
things." The fact that he can intuit the nonlinear is quite
impressive.
I noticed quite a few people making fun of that scene;
it's because people who fall below integrity don't yet
have any subjective awareness of the nonlinear field
of consciousness (God).
He then begins to cry "because there is so much beauty in
the world", which is yet another sign that he is reaching
states of Unconditional Love. At this level, beauty makes
you cry.
He also sees beauty where most people see only ugliness. For
example, he was standing there, filming a dead bird, and when
the girls asked him why he would film something like that,
he said, "Because it's beautiful." Just a simple, clear
statement of fact - he didn't try to convince anyone, he
just stated it, and left it up to the girls to respond
however they wanted to.
Which brings me to the blond girl, I forget her name, but
the girl who aspires to be a model. She would always insult
him, tease him, and call him names. But, Ricky Fitts would
simply not respond. It was as though he could filter out all
the negativity. He accepted her rude behavior from a place
of compassion. He didn't argue, get defensive, or try to
change her in any way. He wasn't aloof, he comes from a
sincere place of Unconditional Acceptance. Aloof is
repressed; acceptance is pure.
I remember another scene (I've seen this film dozens of
times) where Ricky talks about finding a bag lady who
had frozen to death on the streets, and filming her. He
mentioned something like, "In those moments it feels
like you're looking at God, and if you're really careful,
you can feel God looking right back at you."
Again, he seems to be accessing high spiritual states
of Unconditional Love and putting it in his own simple
language.
He also mentions that he no longer has any fear, which
is obviously a sign that he is quite evolved spiritually.
Of course, people think he's a little weird, but this is
to be expected on this path. People will find you
strange, and often become suspicious of you. For one
thing, you don't react to the negativity of the world,
you're very calm usually. For another thing, you make
unexpected decisions, you're considered unpredictable,
and even scary to a great many people.
How could Unconditional Love states actually SCARE
people? Well, Love and Peace are intuited by the human
ego as strange, foreign, unpredictable, unexplainable,
weird, and these states are largely unknown by most
people. And to the ego, anything that fits these descriptions
is often feared, avoided, and even hated and ridiculed.
American Beauty.
Man, what a great film...
I'll talk to you later.
Many Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Levels Of Consciousness
***READER QUESTION***
Hey Stephane,
How can you try to "find" Enlightenment when it's
already our natural state of being?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
This question comes up a lot, and it is a very
popular inversion of spiritual truth you'll find
all over the internet.
It comes from taking a mental position about
Enlightenment and reversing the truth about it.
I hear this one all the time, "Since your Higher
Self is already Enlightened, and this Higher
Self is the truth of what you are, it means you're
already Enlightened so there's nothing to focus
on or worry about!"
It is actually just a cute half-truth and a cop-out.
Until the day comes when the ego/mind falls
silent, followed by the moment when sheer agony
and terror (known as 'ego-death') occurs,
Enlightenment is still something one must focus
on continually (without deviation). The focus
is extreme, and one has to be willing to endure
temporary agony along the way as they completely
and totally surrender the seven deadly sins.
There is nothing 'easy' about it, which is why
people come up with all kinds of cute spiritual
sayings like the above one. These things are a way
to avoid doing real spiritual work.
Another inversion of spiritual truth they keep
sending me is, "There is no such thing as someone
who is 'lower consciousness' than someone else,
because we are all 'equals'!"
This is a popular one.
It comes from reversing the truth about what
equality means, and how it is defined.
In reality, to say that there is no such thing as
'lower consciousness' or 'higher consciousness'
is like saying that bin Laden, Hitler, and Saddam
are spiritually equal to Jesus and Buddha. One
guy heals people and walks on water, and the
other guy boils people in oil - same level, right? :)
There is another poison I should mention, which
is relativism. Relativism means that a thing is
true because you want it to be true, or because
you choose to perceive it that way, it is therefore
true. Therefore, what is true for you may not be
true for me, and vice versa.
Relativism denies that there is an Absolute. It
is actually a childish, arrogant, left-brained
fallacy and is therefore dangerous, especially
in the context of spiritual evolution. Note that
every Enlightened Master such as Jesus, Buddha,
and Krishna have all spoken about the exact same
Truth, which is Absolute and not 'relative'.
So these are three issues that come up, all three
of which are classically termed 'luciferic' (distortion
and reversal of the truth). Thanks for your question.
Blessings,
Stephane
Real Spiritual Work... haha, you gotta love the
internet -
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Hey Stephane,
How can you try to "find" Enlightenment when it's
already our natural state of being?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
This question comes up a lot, and it is a very
popular inversion of spiritual truth you'll find
all over the internet.
It comes from taking a mental position about
Enlightenment and reversing the truth about it.
I hear this one all the time, "Since your Higher
Self is already Enlightened, and this Higher
Self is the truth of what you are, it means you're
already Enlightened so there's nothing to focus
on or worry about!"
It is actually just a cute half-truth and a cop-out.
Until the day comes when the ego/mind falls
silent, followed by the moment when sheer agony
and terror (known as 'ego-death') occurs,
Enlightenment is still something one must focus
on continually (without deviation). The focus
is extreme, and one has to be willing to endure
temporary agony along the way as they completely
and totally surrender the seven deadly sins.
There is nothing 'easy' about it, which is why
people come up with all kinds of cute spiritual
sayings like the above one. These things are a way
to avoid doing real spiritual work.
Another inversion of spiritual truth they keep
sending me is, "There is no such thing as someone
who is 'lower consciousness' than someone else,
because we are all 'equals'!"
This is a popular one.
It comes from reversing the truth about what
equality means, and how it is defined.
In reality, to say that there is no such thing as
'lower consciousness' or 'higher consciousness'
is like saying that bin Laden, Hitler, and Saddam
are spiritually equal to Jesus and Buddha. One
guy heals people and walks on water, and the
other guy boils people in oil - same level, right? :)
There is another poison I should mention, which
is relativism. Relativism means that a thing is
true because you want it to be true, or because
you choose to perceive it that way, it is therefore
true. Therefore, what is true for you may not be
true for me, and vice versa.
Relativism denies that there is an Absolute. It
is actually a childish, arrogant, left-brained
fallacy and is therefore dangerous, especially
in the context of spiritual evolution. Note that
every Enlightened Master such as Jesus, Buddha,
and Krishna have all spoken about the exact same
Truth, which is Absolute and not 'relative'.
So these are three issues that come up, all three
of which are classically termed 'luciferic' (distortion
and reversal of the truth). Thanks for your question.
Blessings,
Stephane
Real Spiritual Work... haha, you gotta love the
internet -
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Problems And Negative Emotions: The Golden Opportunity
***READER QUESTION***
Hey Stephane,
It’s strange, I can’t even imagine how much of a
challenge it would be to transcend your own ego on the path
to enlightenment whilst at the same time dealing with the
egoic challenges of others and dealing with the world.
Thank you, my friend, for playing such an important role in
my spiritual development and thank you for taking the time
to share your journey. YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
Also, I keep on wondering if I have reached Unconditional
Love yet. I notice my mind is obsessed. I think I've reached
it, but I have doubts. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this.
Love and Blessings,
S.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
After a while, in practicing meditation and the "empty the
bucket" zen-surrender, you start to see every single
negative experience and the resulting negative emotions as
an opportunity to clear out all of the unconscious/repressed
emotions that have been dormant for several lifetimes.
EVERYTHING becomes an opportunity. One's entire life
becomes re-contextualized. You experience emotionally
devastating problems, and you start feeling like you
should throw a party!
Someone is rude to you and it hurts your feelings? Perfect.
Another opportunity to transcend the emotion of 'hurt'.
You lose your job and the financial crisis is starting to
overwhelm you? Perfect! Another opportunity to transcend
worry.
You girlfriend cheats on you and you lie in bed at night
feeling like you're getting stabbed in the chest? Perfect.
She's given you such a gift! Now you can sit there and
transcend those emotions.
You make a huge mistake, such as hurting someone you love,
or not following through on something important, and now
you're lying awake, unable to eat, unable to sleep, and the
guilt and shame send you into one of the most agonizing
nights of your adult life?
PERFECT.
An opportunity to transcend guilt, shame, and emotional
agony.
You approach a girl and she rejects you, coldly, viciously,
and makes you look stupid in front of the whole school?
Perfect.
Time to transcend shame.
Most people think that a spiritually committed life is all
about hearts, flowers, incense, peace, and happiness. But
actually, a spiritually committed life is one of the most
up-and-down roller coaster rides. People think, "I'm gonna
become spiritual" and they imagine a peaceful life, but
more often than not it leads to a chaotic life. Jobs are
lost, relationships get destroyed, friendships come to an
end, "dark night of the soul" experiences come up to be
processed, handled, experienced, zen-surrendered, and
transcended.
You decide to reach Unconditional Love, and suddenly,
everything comes up to challenge you.
Everything comes up - the guilt, the anger, the pride,
sadness, desire, fear.
P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
Your mind will challenge you as well. It will try to say,
"I've reached Unconditional Love now" and try to sift
through memories in order to back up this new belief system.
It will try to convince itself that the goal has already
been reached. It will say, "Yeah, I know all that stuff."
With self-honesty and humility, we can see that the very act
of trying to believe one has reached Unconditional Love is
evidence to the contrary. So the mind tries to pump itself
up by self-inflation, denial, pride. So there are periods of
back-and-forth pride versus self-doubt, and all of the guilt
and shame this entails.
The trick is to stop worrying about where you are on the
racetrack, and simply be thankful you're actually ON the
racetrack. Don't worry about "reaching" Unconditional
Love, or "reaching" Enlightenment, just worry about
becoming consistent.
You'll know when you've reached the goal, because the
experience is so profound that it is unmistakably sweet. It
not only melts away the self-doubt, but it takes care of the
solar-plexus 'drivenness'. It feels like you're almost
Home. The field is with you at all times, in all situations.
The field of consciousness envelops you like a warm blanket
- this is the best way I can describe it.
In terms of dating & relationships, every woman feels like
she could easily be yours if you just put in a little
effort. You know exactly what to say, it feels like you know
her thoughts, as if you know what she's going to say before
she says it. This is a lot of power.
A lot of power.
But, there is a 'knowingness' that with great power comes
great responsibility. Yes, you could get this girl, yes she
will fall in love, and yes, you will both have a wonderful
experience, BUT... She isn't going to be able to keep up.
You're going to freak her out. For one thing, for all
intents and purposes, you're fearless. So you're going to
speak a certain level of truth when you're with her, and it
many cases she isn't going to be able to handle it.
Women begin to seem more and more like children,
psychologically, most of them are still very much like
children. So you can "get the girl", but deep down you
know better than to take advantage. When you're starting
out, you want to learn how to get "every other girl" that
you talk to, but when you finally learn how to do it, you
have enough discernment to back away. You realize she's not
going to change, she's not going to be able to learn most
of what you have to offer because there are too many layers
of fear, self-doubt, self-pity, insecurity, false-pride, and
everything else that is driving most people who are still
very much 'asleep'.
So you learn to speak less and less. At first, you have to
learn to speak up, but then as time goes on, you can tell
that your speaking up is going to upset people.
It's like, imagine someone close to you does something
really hurtful, like maybe they cheat on you, or stab you in
the back, or steal money from your drawer. At one level of
consciousness, you don't do anything because you're afraid
to confront people and you hate drama. Then, it really
bothers you that you're such a coward, so you learn to
confront people when they treat you poorly. But then at a
higher level, you confront very little, it depends on the
context. You let things slide.
Someone steals from you, and you realize that if you tell
them you know it, they are going to feel guilty and ashamed,
and you don't want them to feel this way, you're not
trying to change people anymore, so you let it go. You love
them without conditions. So you don't say anything - not
out of fear, but out of love for them. They're going to
eventually learn to not cheat and steal, because everybody
has to learn this in their own time, and you prefer to not
interfere. They are perfect where they are, and you'd
rather not become the bearer of bad news all the time.
So there are people you'll confront because you know they
can handle it, and "friends don't let friends drink and drive"
as the saying goes. But with other people, you let things
go and you let them get away with it. It depends on that
person's level of consciousness, but if you intuit they'll
be broken up with guilt and shame, you'll typically just
let something slide because you don't want them to feel
that way.
Someone asked me what I would do if I were to get cheated
on, and that is a very complex question. It depends on the
level of consciousness of the girl who cheats. In most
cases, I would do nothing. I would let her off the hook. I
would leave her, of course, but not out of feeling hurt or
angry, and not out of feeling betrayed.
In truth, I am an Infinite Being and not subject to
betrayal.
I would realize she cheated, and probably laugh to myself
that once again, I have projected myself onto someone else
and assumed they were more or less on my own level of
consciousness. It would actually be... almost funny. And I
would be grateful for knowing the truth, and I would feel
the same way towards her that you feel towards a child who
stole a cookie and now denies that he or she committed the
crime, for fear of being reprimanded. It's just cute,
nothing more.
In truth, I am an Infinite Being and not subject to
betrayal.
The above affirmation sounds like an affirmation, but
eventually it begins to feel true, and then it becomes
more and more subjectively meaningful and Real.
Eventually, the whole question on how one would handle
being cheated on no longer comes up, because one would
no longer subject themselves to this kind of thing. You
can easily tell who is trustworthy, and who isn't. Spiritual
Discernment.
So everything that happens in life that makes us stressed or
miserable, every negative emotion that comes up is actually
a golden opportunity to finally transcend years and years
worth of repressed emotions:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety
(I need to mention again, for those of you who own the
above program, remember that it is very important to
let go of the thoughts, so that you can concentrate on
zen-surrendering the feelings, which are usually in the
solar-plexus. Some of you are forgetting this, and it is
very important: Ignore the thoughts.)
"Problems" are actually golden opportunities to raise your
level of consciousness. If you're living a comfortable,
safe, normal life... chances are, you're not experiencing
massive growth because there's nothing to challenge you.
There is nothing to zen-surrender. Comfort is the real
killer. (Sloth the number two issue of most men, right
next to Gluttony and Lust. Sloth (laziness) is a sin because
it doesn't value the gift of life. It takes everything for
granted. God gave us life - that's no small thing.)
Blessings,
Stephane
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Money Problems, Stress & Worries About Money
***POPULAR QUESTION***
Stephane,
I did some research and concluded that the number one
relationship problems people are talking about most online
is “Money issues in relationships – (or lack of money)”.
I am being challenged with money issues within my
relationship and about to be getting married. If that is the
number one relationship problem, than most likely it is the
biggest cause of break ups. I love being with her and want
to do what ever it takes to be committed to her no matter
what.
The questions I have gathered are:
1. What are ways to spend and save money in a relationship?
2. How do you get on the same page financially and solve
financial problems in a relationship?
3. How do you keep your relationship strong while your
finances are in stress?
4. How do you manage money issues in a loving relationship?
5. How do you work it out when you and your partner fight
over money issues?
6. How do you communicate effectively about financial
issues?
7. How often do you think couples should discuss money
matters?
8. Would it be easier if just one person handled the bills?
9. Money issues are not about the money. What do you think?
10. How has your financial situation evolved over the time
that you have been together?
11. What’s some of your challenges around money and how have
you handled them?
12. Do you have any positive or useful money philosophies,
or beliefs about or around money?
Thanks, O.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The only answer I have is that "money problems" don't
actually exist.
It arises from a holding a false mental position, a false
perception.
In truth, you ate a meal today and slept in a bed, so you
are therefore rich beyond most people's wildest dreams.
In Panama, my wife and I witnessed whole families living in
trees. And washing their clothes in the river. To be quite
honest, I actually thought very seriously about joining
them. It seemed like a great way to learn how to let go of
worldly attachments and become one with life. Nothing to do
but watch the animals, make love to my wife, and meditate.
No more emails, no more web developers, no more criticisms,
no more personal responsibility, no more headaches, no more
questions, no more problems. I could finally be rid of you
guys!
*NICE*
Hey, I can dream, can't I...?
Jesus mentioned something about not worrying about money, I
forget the exact quote but it was something like, "God
provides for all the birds, don't you think He provides for
you also?"
I like that.
Money is God's problem! My survival is up to God. It's
nice to stop worrying.
The fear of homelessness comes up. So what you do is you
picture yourself homeless, and see how you would handle
this. Personally, I would sit and meditate, and people would
walk by and see me meditating, you know, and I'd put a can
on the floor next to me, and people would throw change in
it. They would give to me more than to the others because I
am not a beggar. And people respect meditators. I might even
sell a small booklet on Zen meditations while I'm at it.
And the local homeless people would become jealous of me.
They would all be jealous as I collect ten times more money
than them, with my eyes closed, literally. Who knows, they
might even join me, and next thing you know every homeless
guy on my street corner would become Enlightened.
Money problems don't exist. When my company was getting
slandered and I went through big spiritual changes, there
came a time when I actually consulted with a lawyer about
filing bankruptcy. We came very close to shutting this thing
down. The temptation to shut it down was immense, and I had
all kinds of fantasies about working at McDonald's, you
know, just like in that movie American Beauty where Kevin
Spacey quits his job to work at a fast-food joint. He said
that he wanted to have "the least possible amount of
responsibility." And you could see the immense joy in his
eyes.
With lower-consciousness people, life is all about what you
have, what you own, what you posses. It's about cars,
money, fame, women, and having a bunch of cool toys.
As people evolve, they realize that 'havingness' doesn't
fulfill, so the next phase is 'doingness'. Life becomes
all about what it is that you do. A job at the gas station
is seen as a total waste, because it isn't important
enough. People want to do something meaningful with their
lives, they want to become leaders, politicians, teachers,
and 'dogooders'. They want to make a difference in the
world through their actions. And while this is definitely a
step up, it's a great way to live, you're still vulnerable
because what if you lose the teaching job, or what if you
don't get elected, or what if nobody shows up for your rock
concert, then what? So you're still vulnerable at this
level, you're still open to suffering.
Eventually you realize that the world is perfect as it is.
There is no need to DO anything. It's not what you do, or
say, it isn't your actions that matter anymore. Now it's
all about what you BECOME WITHIN. You're no longer willing
to place happiness outside of yourself. Every job seems just
as great as any other job. As long as you're serving
mankind, it doesn't matter if you are peeling potatoes,
washing cars, or making a million dollar sale.
It's all the same.
I'm was recently watching the old film, Midnight Express,
where this guy is stuck in a Turkish prison where he's
beaten and subjected to all kinds of suffering, lack of
freedom. He thinks he has a "problem", but in truth, the
only problem is his own perception. People want to escape
from prison by jumping over the fence, but then they go back
into a society which is just another prison. The food is
better, and there's women, you know... but they still
suffer continuously. Everybody suffers almost constantly at
each moment. The prison is within our own mind's.
A prisoner has the opportunity to transcend suffering. There
is a book called 'dark night of the soul' that was written
in the 1500's (or 1600's) by this Christian Saint who was
imprisoned, beaten, starved, tortured, and he actually used
these experiences to his own advantage. He learned to
transcend suffering while in that prison, and he reached
Enlightenment.
Couples love to blame their relationship problems on money,
but that is a projection. The problem is their own
perception. The problem is they don't know Unconditional
Love, because if they did, everything would become an
opportunity for them. Every issue with couples boils down to
the fact that their level of consciousness isn't high
enough yet. Therefore, they should welcome these stressful,
problematic issues because they can always be used as a
springboard for transcending to a higher level of being.
From the higher levels, all of the so-called "problems"
become opportunities to grow, and eventually you realize
there is actually no such thing as a "problem", it was all
just a projection, a mental position one was taking that
created stress.
Thanks for your question.
Blessings,
Stephane
Stephane,
I did some research and concluded that the number one
relationship problems people are talking about most online
is “Money issues in relationships – (or lack of money)”.
I am being challenged with money issues within my
relationship and about to be getting married. If that is the
number one relationship problem, than most likely it is the
biggest cause of break ups. I love being with her and want
to do what ever it takes to be committed to her no matter
what.
The questions I have gathered are:
1. What are ways to spend and save money in a relationship?
2. How do you get on the same page financially and solve
financial problems in a relationship?
3. How do you keep your relationship strong while your
finances are in stress?
4. How do you manage money issues in a loving relationship?
5. How do you work it out when you and your partner fight
over money issues?
6. How do you communicate effectively about financial
issues?
7. How often do you think couples should discuss money
matters?
8. Would it be easier if just one person handled the bills?
9. Money issues are not about the money. What do you think?
10. How has your financial situation evolved over the time
that you have been together?
11. What’s some of your challenges around money and how have
you handled them?
12. Do you have any positive or useful money philosophies,
or beliefs about or around money?
Thanks, O.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The only answer I have is that "money problems" don't
actually exist.
It arises from a holding a false mental position, a false
perception.
In truth, you ate a meal today and slept in a bed, so you
are therefore rich beyond most people's wildest dreams.
In Panama, my wife and I witnessed whole families living in
trees. And washing their clothes in the river. To be quite
honest, I actually thought very seriously about joining
them. It seemed like a great way to learn how to let go of
worldly attachments and become one with life. Nothing to do
but watch the animals, make love to my wife, and meditate.
No more emails, no more web developers, no more criticisms,
no more personal responsibility, no more headaches, no more
questions, no more problems. I could finally be rid of you
guys!
*NICE*
Hey, I can dream, can't I...?
Jesus mentioned something about not worrying about money, I
forget the exact quote but it was something like, "God
provides for all the birds, don't you think He provides for
you also?"
I like that.
Money is God's problem! My survival is up to God. It's
nice to stop worrying.
The fear of homelessness comes up. So what you do is you
picture yourself homeless, and see how you would handle
this. Personally, I would sit and meditate, and people would
walk by and see me meditating, you know, and I'd put a can
on the floor next to me, and people would throw change in
it. They would give to me more than to the others because I
am not a beggar. And people respect meditators. I might even
sell a small booklet on Zen meditations while I'm at it.
And the local homeless people would become jealous of me.
They would all be jealous as I collect ten times more money
than them, with my eyes closed, literally. Who knows, they
might even join me, and next thing you know every homeless
guy on my street corner would become Enlightened.
Money problems don't exist. When my company was getting
slandered and I went through big spiritual changes, there
came a time when I actually consulted with a lawyer about
filing bankruptcy. We came very close to shutting this thing
down. The temptation to shut it down was immense, and I had
all kinds of fantasies about working at McDonald's, you
know, just like in that movie American Beauty where Kevin
Spacey quits his job to work at a fast-food joint. He said
that he wanted to have "the least possible amount of
responsibility." And you could see the immense joy in his
eyes.
With lower-consciousness people, life is all about what you
have, what you own, what you posses. It's about cars,
money, fame, women, and having a bunch of cool toys.
As people evolve, they realize that 'havingness' doesn't
fulfill, so the next phase is 'doingness'. Life becomes
all about what it is that you do. A job at the gas station
is seen as a total waste, because it isn't important
enough. People want to do something meaningful with their
lives, they want to become leaders, politicians, teachers,
and 'dogooders'. They want to make a difference in the
world through their actions. And while this is definitely a
step up, it's a great way to live, you're still vulnerable
because what if you lose the teaching job, or what if you
don't get elected, or what if nobody shows up for your rock
concert, then what? So you're still vulnerable at this
level, you're still open to suffering.
Eventually you realize that the world is perfect as it is.
There is no need to DO anything. It's not what you do, or
say, it isn't your actions that matter anymore. Now it's
all about what you BECOME WITHIN. You're no longer willing
to place happiness outside of yourself. Every job seems just
as great as any other job. As long as you're serving
mankind, it doesn't matter if you are peeling potatoes,
washing cars, or making a million dollar sale.
It's all the same.
I'm was recently watching the old film, Midnight Express,
where this guy is stuck in a Turkish prison where he's
beaten and subjected to all kinds of suffering, lack of
freedom. He thinks he has a "problem", but in truth, the
only problem is his own perception. People want to escape
from prison by jumping over the fence, but then they go back
into a society which is just another prison. The food is
better, and there's women, you know... but they still
suffer continuously. Everybody suffers almost constantly at
each moment. The prison is within our own mind's.
A prisoner has the opportunity to transcend suffering. There
is a book called 'dark night of the soul' that was written
in the 1500's (or 1600's) by this Christian Saint who was
imprisoned, beaten, starved, tortured, and he actually used
these experiences to his own advantage. He learned to
transcend suffering while in that prison, and he reached
Enlightenment.
Couples love to blame their relationship problems on money,
but that is a projection. The problem is their own
perception. The problem is they don't know Unconditional
Love, because if they did, everything would become an
opportunity for them. Every issue with couples boils down to
the fact that their level of consciousness isn't high
enough yet. Therefore, they should welcome these stressful,
problematic issues because they can always be used as a
springboard for transcending to a higher level of being.
From the higher levels, all of the so-called "problems"
become opportunities to grow, and eventually you realize
there is actually no such thing as a "problem", it was all
just a projection, a mental position one was taking that
created stress.
Thanks for your question.
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Bypassing The Mind
There have been quite a few questions in response to last
weeks' "Meditation Madness" article in which I described
a very simple meditation practice for elevating one's level
of consciousness quite rapidly.
As I am working full-time on bypassing the mind to
'achieve' Enlightenment, especially over the last few
weeks, there are a number of barriers that have come up, as
well as a number of "temptations" which snuck in under my
radar screen. So hopefully this article can be of use to
someone.
(Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I do not teach
Enlightenment. This article is just for fun, and also for my
own benefit.)
* One of the first, extremely formidable barriers is the
barrier of boredom. The mind fears boredom. It equates
silence and peace with boredom. The way I overcame this one
- and I'm not the expert of Enlightenment yet - but for me,
I overcame it by simply refusing the barrier, over and over,
and surrendering the feelings that arise from this. On one
particular day, I meditated for about 9 hours, stopping only
to eat something and go to the bathroom. I flat out REFUSED
the boredom barrier, and it dissolved somehow. Eventually,
meditation becomes extremely subjectively pleasurable. It's
just a matter of determination in the beginning.
(For many years, as a substitute for meditation, I was a
contemplator. This is recommended if meditation feels too
intensely boring and pointless and frustrating. Just hold a
spiritual truth in mind, and contemplate it's meaning
throughout the day. I used to contemplate some chakra
affirmations all day, which is nice because it allows you to
participate in the world AND make significant spiritual
progress simultaneously. Just pick your favorite
affirmation, make sure it is integrous/truthful, and hold it
in mind all day long as much as you can. Eventually you'll
become a full-time meditator, naturally. Zen meditation will
naturally suck you in, as time goes on. Eventually you will
WANT to meditate all the time, because sitting in Silence
will actually be very appealing. Contemplation and
meditation then reveals itself to actually be one and the
same thing.)
* The barrier of time. The mind wonders, "How long have I
been meditating for?" and if the answer is not long enough,
then it feels ashamed, and if it is for a significant amount
of time, then the spiritual ego kicks in with pride. One way
I've worked on this barrier is to remove all the clocks
from my house, and to refuse any thoughts that relate to
time. As a result, states of timelessness have begun to
ensue quite rapidly. I also use the affirmation, "In truth,
I am an Infinite Being not subject to time", it is a great
replacement for every thought about time that enters the
mind. The trick is to catch the thought as soon as you can,
and then blast away the affirmation over and over again
until the temptation to know what time it is has passed.
* The barrier of "ego hatred". The goal is to transcend
thinking altogether, so this inevitably brings up
frustration, at times, that the mind still thinks. "When
will this mind shut up?!" Sometimes the frustration was
quite intense. The solution to this barrier has been to
repeat the affirmation, "In truth, I am an Infinite Being
and therefore not subject to thoughts" over and over again
like a broken record. And also to focus on Love - like how
much I love my wife, how cute my kitty is as he plays with
whatever thing, and so on. Staying in a state of lovingness
seems to be especially crucial during meditation. I even
recorded my kitty's purrrrrrr. And actually, speaking of
kitty, our two cats have become very addicted to us, and we
suspect that they are also benefitting from our meditations.
It's nice to meditate with kitty purring in your lap.
* The barrier of emotions, such as cravings, frustration,
guilt. The solution is to use the Zen Surrendering
techniques, as those of you who have "The Death Of Approach
Anxiety" will remember:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety/
Any negative emotions that come up, just focus, focus,
focus, and sometimes within minutes the energy is gone.
There have been times when the energy takes several hours to
dissipate. But it is well worth the effort, because Joy then
replaces the nasty solar-plexus feelings.
* The barrier of "Arghh, I'm faaaaaalling!" As you meditate
using the Zen technique I outlined in last weeks'
newsletter, "Meditation Madness", you might suddenly feel
like you're falling, followed by a huge solar-plexus
survival fight-or-flight feeling, which snaps you out of
state. I suspect that this is the ego/mind experiencing
it's first taste of true Silence, which it equates as
"I'm dying!" This one has been quite formidable for me.
One solution is to simply practice. Just keep going.
Familiarity with the feeling of falling has helped. But
another solution has been to walk over to the edge of a
mountain near my house, and practice zen-surrendering the
fear that comes up. It seems to be identical to the feeling
I get in meditation. Everything boils down to survival fears
anyway. So I've been practicing overcoming this feeling by
flirting with the ledge of a mountain, and letting the
feelings run out. I can't wait for the weather to clear up
so I can tie myself to a rope and just hang there for as
many hours as it takes for the fear of falling/fear of death
to run it's course. Anyway this barrier has been
dissolving, and there are times when I merge with the field
and enter the timeless, silent state without even realizing
it. But then there are times when it freaks me out and snaps
me out of state. I wonder what's up with that, but I'll
work on hanging myself off the edge of a cliff just as soon
as the weather clears up a little more. I'm gonna really
push this one all the way. I've never heard a Teacher
suggest something like this, but it feels right.
* The barrier of lust. Lust seems to be a particularly huge
barrier for many of us. Even Gandhi had a hard time
processing out all of his Lust. I have heard that he used to
ask women to sleep in his bed with him, so that he could sit
there and refuse the temptation all night long. I have done
a lot of work on Lust, but it does come up again and again.
I have heard that Lust is the number one issue we men
struggle with today:
http://www.ideagasms.net/healing-p0rn-and-lust-without-guilt
What I particularly like about working directly on Lust is
that the resulting self-esteem is very powerful, and it
happens rather quickly.
So these are SOME of the barriers, and I'm finding that as
I plow through them over and over and over again, the states
of Bliss require less and less meditation. Usually in under
30 minutes I can get to Bliss, and it is WAY more intense
than the hypnotic trance states that people are confusing
with spiritual states. An altered state is not a spiritual
state - although it can certainly feel that way, once you
start hitting Bliss states you'll know it because you
won't feel like getting up off your chair. Crying is also
common. You cry because you have felt separated from God,
and when this separation begins to dissolve, the gratitude
is immensely overwhelming. Meditation then becomes
addictive. And, it is actually difficult to function, I
remember a few days ago I could barely locate my vocal
chords to speak, it actually took me about a minute to
remember how to talk. It is also a problem of simple
motivation, because Bliss is much more rewarding than
anything else this world has to offer.
And this brings me to the TEMPTATIONS, which have snuck up
on me many times this winter, and I guess it really boils
down to the temptation of Pride, now that I think about it.
One of the temptations is to get excited, happy, elated, and
emotional. When this occurs, it feels like I am glamorizing
the pathway of Enlightenment. Spiritual ego pride. It's one
thing to feel happy and greatful, but quite another to use
it as an excuse to stop focusing on the path. Ugh.
Embarrassing :)
Another one that relates to this is that my wife Greta and I
talk entirely too much. We mostly talk about everything
we're learning, the meditation barriers we're currently
dealing with, the realizations we're having, and so on. And
while these conversations have definitely served us, today
we've decided to stop talking altogether. No more talking,
period. Not until the end is reached. If we are to transcend
the mind, obviously we're going to have to learn to shut up
and simply BE with each other, without commentaries. We've
been putting this one off for as long as possible, but yeah,
the time has come for us to stop chatting. For a time it
will feel like we are drifting apart in the relationship,
but it will soon be replaced by feeling even closer than
ever, as well as being telepathic. So we're going to give
up the lesser, to experience the greater. And we're already
having fun with it. We slip up from time to time, you know,
and then start laughing. I also notice my sex drive is up.
Interesting! ;)
And this brings me to the HUGE temptation, or trap, or test.
And I've failed it more often than I can count at this
point. In fact this is why I'm writing this article. It's
to get clear about this. Also, by declaring it to the world,
it keeps me in line because I know I won't be able to face
you guys once I've committed to something and not done my
best to follow through on it. So here goes:
There is a Bliss state, and sometimes it is accompanied by
white light, and the room actually becomes subjectively
brighter. You can open your eyes and walk around, and the
Bliss is not dependent on being in a close-eyed, focused,
meditative state.
You can resume thinking, talking, walking, working, and
being in the world. The state is amazing, and so far beyond
any "trance" I've ever experienced. As a result, all
self-doubt, skepticism, and fear seem to disappear. One
feels enveloped by God's warm light. The skin vibrates, and
it is actually better than the feeling one has after great
sex because it is a non-localized feeling. The pleasure is
not only localized in the body/mind, it is actually
experienced as an "everywhereness". With practice it
starts as a body sensation of pleasure and Bliss, and then
it extends out to the aura, and with enough dedication it
begins to be everywhere. One BECOMES bliss itself, it seems.
"Oh Lord, where hast thou been all my life? Lord I have
missed you so!"
This is the state I keep on reaching, and CRASHING down
from.
And when you crash, it is extremely subjectively painful.
You're just a normal human again, with all the accompanying
thinkingness, guilt, worries, and feelings in the
solar-plexus. Which isn't all that bad, except when it is
compared to Bliss!
Now, the temptations come, and in this case I would call it
"invincibility". There is a feeling of timeless, peaceful,
loving, invincibility. And this is where I keep on crashing.
It's because, well, you're invincible. At least from the
false viewpoint of Pride.
When the intense states of Light/Bliss arrive, the
temptation for me has been to assume I can just do anything
I want, and the Bliss will remain with me forever. So I'll
rent some movies, go have a nice dinner with some wine, put
on an Audioslave album, and basically live my life like a
normal human. It feels like there would be no consequences.
It honestly feels like I am beyond all karma when I'm in
this state. I am actually convinced, "Enlightenment will be
a matter of days, hours, or even minutes from now. I can
just relax now. I'm on a Holy conveyor belt, going Home to
God." And this leads to POOR JUDGMENT.
And for a while, nothing breaks the Bliss state, but this
only lasts about a day, and usually upon awakening the next
day... HELL.
At least, it feels like hell, compared to the previous Bliss
state.
I just crashed last night, so that's why I'm writing this
all out. I was in Bliss/Joy for two solid days, so I rented
a couple of movies, and by the time I finished watching
them, the Bliss was gone, and it was replaced by a dull
flatness, followed by some very intense solar-plexus
feelings of pure emotional agony. I was awake until
God-knows-what-time having to process all of this inner
agony.
Ugh.
The relentless fixity of focus that the path to
Enlightenment requires is pretty serious. If you're not
into this, don't worry about it. And don't try to force
it. I actually spent the whole winter living in a log-cabin
in the middle of nowhere, cut off from the world, reading
advanced spiritual texts, praying, and basically getting
prepared for this path, about 15-18 hours a day, stopping
only to go grocery shopping and watch the occasional movie
rental. And phone consultations with students. So the
motivation was intense, and there has to be a willingness to
continually focus on Enlightenment with as little "time
off" as humanly possible.
Eventually, no time off whatsoever is even permissible.
Otherwise you "crash", UGH. Note to self... Bliss is a
sign to keep going. Don't stop moving forward, ever again.
Learn thy lesson, Steph. UGH. Don't get all relaxed and
comfortable thinking you can just do anything you want to
do.
Anyway I hope this is of assistance to you meditators out
there. It this post feels advanced, it might not be as
advanced as you think. I'm convinced that Enlightenment is
a realistic choice. And with that, I'm going to log off the
internet now and go back into the silence, but I should be
back around April 1st to resume things. Or maybe I'll write
something up in a couple days, we'll see. Should I enter
some kind of state that requires me to stop working for a
while, I'll have someone let you know what's up with me :)
Many Blessings,
Stephane
a very simple meditation practice for elevating one's level
of consciousness quite rapidly.
As I am working full-time on bypassing the mind to
'achieve' Enlightenment, especially over the last few
weeks, there are a number of barriers that have come up, as
well as a number of "temptations" which snuck in under my
radar screen. So hopefully this article can be of use to
someone.
(Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I do not teach
Enlightenment. This article is just for fun, and also for my
own benefit.)
* One of the first, extremely formidable barriers is the
barrier of boredom. The mind fears boredom. It equates
silence and peace with boredom. The way I overcame this one
- and I'm not the expert of Enlightenment yet - but for me,
I overcame it by simply refusing the barrier, over and over,
and surrendering the feelings that arise from this. On one
particular day, I meditated for about 9 hours, stopping only
to eat something and go to the bathroom. I flat out REFUSED
the boredom barrier, and it dissolved somehow. Eventually,
meditation becomes extremely subjectively pleasurable. It's
just a matter of determination in the beginning.
(For many years, as a substitute for meditation, I was a
contemplator. This is recommended if meditation feels too
intensely boring and pointless and frustrating. Just hold a
spiritual truth in mind, and contemplate it's meaning
throughout the day. I used to contemplate some chakra
affirmations all day, which is nice because it allows you to
participate in the world AND make significant spiritual
progress simultaneously. Just pick your favorite
affirmation, make sure it is integrous/truthful, and hold it
in mind all day long as much as you can. Eventually you'll
become a full-time meditator, naturally. Zen meditation will
naturally suck you in, as time goes on. Eventually you will
WANT to meditate all the time, because sitting in Silence
will actually be very appealing. Contemplation and
meditation then reveals itself to actually be one and the
same thing.)
* The barrier of time. The mind wonders, "How long have I
been meditating for?" and if the answer is not long enough,
then it feels ashamed, and if it is for a significant amount
of time, then the spiritual ego kicks in with pride. One way
I've worked on this barrier is to remove all the clocks
from my house, and to refuse any thoughts that relate to
time. As a result, states of timelessness have begun to
ensue quite rapidly. I also use the affirmation, "In truth,
I am an Infinite Being not subject to time", it is a great
replacement for every thought about time that enters the
mind. The trick is to catch the thought as soon as you can,
and then blast away the affirmation over and over again
until the temptation to know what time it is has passed.
* The barrier of "ego hatred". The goal is to transcend
thinking altogether, so this inevitably brings up
frustration, at times, that the mind still thinks. "When
will this mind shut up?!" Sometimes the frustration was
quite intense. The solution to this barrier has been to
repeat the affirmation, "In truth, I am an Infinite Being
and therefore not subject to thoughts" over and over again
like a broken record. And also to focus on Love - like how
much I love my wife, how cute my kitty is as he plays with
whatever thing, and so on. Staying in a state of lovingness
seems to be especially crucial during meditation. I even
recorded my kitty's purrrrrrr. And actually, speaking of
kitty, our two cats have become very addicted to us, and we
suspect that they are also benefitting from our meditations.
It's nice to meditate with kitty purring in your lap.
* The barrier of emotions, such as cravings, frustration,
guilt. The solution is to use the Zen Surrendering
techniques, as those of you who have "The Death Of Approach
Anxiety" will remember:
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety/
Any negative emotions that come up, just focus, focus,
focus, and sometimes within minutes the energy is gone.
There have been times when the energy takes several hours to
dissipate. But it is well worth the effort, because Joy then
replaces the nasty solar-plexus feelings.
* The barrier of "Arghh, I'm faaaaaalling!" As you meditate
using the Zen technique I outlined in last weeks'
newsletter, "Meditation Madness", you might suddenly feel
like you're falling, followed by a huge solar-plexus
survival fight-or-flight feeling, which snaps you out of
state. I suspect that this is the ego/mind experiencing
it's first taste of true Silence, which it equates as
"I'm dying!" This one has been quite formidable for me.
One solution is to simply practice. Just keep going.
Familiarity with the feeling of falling has helped. But
another solution has been to walk over to the edge of a
mountain near my house, and practice zen-surrendering the
fear that comes up. It seems to be identical to the feeling
I get in meditation. Everything boils down to survival fears
anyway. So I've been practicing overcoming this feeling by
flirting with the ledge of a mountain, and letting the
feelings run out. I can't wait for the weather to clear up
so I can tie myself to a rope and just hang there for as
many hours as it takes for the fear of falling/fear of death
to run it's course. Anyway this barrier has been
dissolving, and there are times when I merge with the field
and enter the timeless, silent state without even realizing
it. But then there are times when it freaks me out and snaps
me out of state. I wonder what's up with that, but I'll
work on hanging myself off the edge of a cliff just as soon
as the weather clears up a little more. I'm gonna really
push this one all the way. I've never heard a Teacher
suggest something like this, but it feels right.
* The barrier of lust. Lust seems to be a particularly huge
barrier for many of us. Even Gandhi had a hard time
processing out all of his Lust. I have heard that he used to
ask women to sleep in his bed with him, so that he could sit
there and refuse the temptation all night long. I have done
a lot of work on Lust, but it does come up again and again.
I have heard that Lust is the number one issue we men
struggle with today:
http://www.ideagasms.net/healing-p0rn-and-lust-without-guilt
What I particularly like about working directly on Lust is
that the resulting self-esteem is very powerful, and it
happens rather quickly.
So these are SOME of the barriers, and I'm finding that as
I plow through them over and over and over again, the states
of Bliss require less and less meditation. Usually in under
30 minutes I can get to Bliss, and it is WAY more intense
than the hypnotic trance states that people are confusing
with spiritual states. An altered state is not a spiritual
state - although it can certainly feel that way, once you
start hitting Bliss states you'll know it because you
won't feel like getting up off your chair. Crying is also
common. You cry because you have felt separated from God,
and when this separation begins to dissolve, the gratitude
is immensely overwhelming. Meditation then becomes
addictive. And, it is actually difficult to function, I
remember a few days ago I could barely locate my vocal
chords to speak, it actually took me about a minute to
remember how to talk. It is also a problem of simple
motivation, because Bliss is much more rewarding than
anything else this world has to offer.
And this brings me to the TEMPTATIONS, which have snuck up
on me many times this winter, and I guess it really boils
down to the temptation of Pride, now that I think about it.
One of the temptations is to get excited, happy, elated, and
emotional. When this occurs, it feels like I am glamorizing
the pathway of Enlightenment. Spiritual ego pride. It's one
thing to feel happy and greatful, but quite another to use
it as an excuse to stop focusing on the path. Ugh.
Embarrassing :)
Another one that relates to this is that my wife Greta and I
talk entirely too much. We mostly talk about everything
we're learning, the meditation barriers we're currently
dealing with, the realizations we're having, and so on. And
while these conversations have definitely served us, today
we've decided to stop talking altogether. No more talking,
period. Not until the end is reached. If we are to transcend
the mind, obviously we're going to have to learn to shut up
and simply BE with each other, without commentaries. We've
been putting this one off for as long as possible, but yeah,
the time has come for us to stop chatting. For a time it
will feel like we are drifting apart in the relationship,
but it will soon be replaced by feeling even closer than
ever, as well as being telepathic. So we're going to give
up the lesser, to experience the greater. And we're already
having fun with it. We slip up from time to time, you know,
and then start laughing. I also notice my sex drive is up.
Interesting! ;)
And this brings me to the HUGE temptation, or trap, or test.
And I've failed it more often than I can count at this
point. In fact this is why I'm writing this article. It's
to get clear about this. Also, by declaring it to the world,
it keeps me in line because I know I won't be able to face
you guys once I've committed to something and not done my
best to follow through on it. So here goes:
There is a Bliss state, and sometimes it is accompanied by
white light, and the room actually becomes subjectively
brighter. You can open your eyes and walk around, and the
Bliss is not dependent on being in a close-eyed, focused,
meditative state.
You can resume thinking, talking, walking, working, and
being in the world. The state is amazing, and so far beyond
any "trance" I've ever experienced. As a result, all
self-doubt, skepticism, and fear seem to disappear. One
feels enveloped by God's warm light. The skin vibrates, and
it is actually better than the feeling one has after great
sex because it is a non-localized feeling. The pleasure is
not only localized in the body/mind, it is actually
experienced as an "everywhereness". With practice it
starts as a body sensation of pleasure and Bliss, and then
it extends out to the aura, and with enough dedication it
begins to be everywhere. One BECOMES bliss itself, it seems.
"Oh Lord, where hast thou been all my life? Lord I have
missed you so!"
This is the state I keep on reaching, and CRASHING down
from.
And when you crash, it is extremely subjectively painful.
You're just a normal human again, with all the accompanying
thinkingness, guilt, worries, and feelings in the
solar-plexus. Which isn't all that bad, except when it is
compared to Bliss!
Now, the temptations come, and in this case I would call it
"invincibility". There is a feeling of timeless, peaceful,
loving, invincibility. And this is where I keep on crashing.
It's because, well, you're invincible. At least from the
false viewpoint of Pride.
When the intense states of Light/Bliss arrive, the
temptation for me has been to assume I can just do anything
I want, and the Bliss will remain with me forever. So I'll
rent some movies, go have a nice dinner with some wine, put
on an Audioslave album, and basically live my life like a
normal human. It feels like there would be no consequences.
It honestly feels like I am beyond all karma when I'm in
this state. I am actually convinced, "Enlightenment will be
a matter of days, hours, or even minutes from now. I can
just relax now. I'm on a Holy conveyor belt, going Home to
God." And this leads to POOR JUDGMENT.
And for a while, nothing breaks the Bliss state, but this
only lasts about a day, and usually upon awakening the next
day... HELL.
At least, it feels like hell, compared to the previous Bliss
state.
I just crashed last night, so that's why I'm writing this
all out. I was in Bliss/Joy for two solid days, so I rented
a couple of movies, and by the time I finished watching
them, the Bliss was gone, and it was replaced by a dull
flatness, followed by some very intense solar-plexus
feelings of pure emotional agony. I was awake until
God-knows-what-time having to process all of this inner
agony.
Ugh.
The relentless fixity of focus that the path to
Enlightenment requires is pretty serious. If you're not
into this, don't worry about it. And don't try to force
it. I actually spent the whole winter living in a log-cabin
in the middle of nowhere, cut off from the world, reading
advanced spiritual texts, praying, and basically getting
prepared for this path, about 15-18 hours a day, stopping
only to go grocery shopping and watch the occasional movie
rental. And phone consultations with students. So the
motivation was intense, and there has to be a willingness to
continually focus on Enlightenment with as little "time
off" as humanly possible.
Eventually, no time off whatsoever is even permissible.
Otherwise you "crash", UGH. Note to self... Bliss is a
sign to keep going. Don't stop moving forward, ever again.
Learn thy lesson, Steph. UGH. Don't get all relaxed and
comfortable thinking you can just do anything you want to
do.
Anyway I hope this is of assistance to you meditators out
there. It this post feels advanced, it might not be as
advanced as you think. I'm convinced that Enlightenment is
a realistic choice. And with that, I'm going to log off the
internet now and go back into the silence, but I should be
back around April 1st to resume things. Or maybe I'll write
something up in a couple days, we'll see. Should I enter
some kind of state that requires me to stop working for a
while, I'll have someone let you know what's up with me :)
Many Blessings,
Stephane
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Meditation Madness
I've been meditating on-and-off for most of each day,
and I could use a break right now, so I decided to write
something up about what it is that I'm working on.
The crux of the focus of the meditation I'm working on
is to surrender, over and over and over, all of my thoughts.
It requires a relentless, laser-like, continuous, never-ending
fixity of focus to pull this off.
And every so often - sometimes it can take an hour, but
sometimes only a few minutes, you surrender each and
every single thought, over and over AS it begins to arise,
and next thing you know, POW!
The state is hard to describe... It is Bliss beyond
comprehension. And sometimes your body feels amazing
for several hours, even as you drop the meditation and
go about your day. And it is sometimes accompanied by
crying tears of intense gratitude.
Extremely simple Zen meditation:
Your thoughts are like fish jumping out of the ocean and
into the air. They arise UP, and OUT... for a brief second,
and your mind believes if it were to stop thinking, if the
fish were to stop jumping, you would die, or even
disappear.
Actually, the opposite is the truth. If the mind goes silent,
you will not "die", it's more like being reborn, it's the
feeling of "returning Home", if you will.
It is the most addictive experience I've ever had, even
better than fine wines and threesomes :-)
To try and STOP thinking is not possible. The trick is
to simply relax, close your eyes, look straight ahead at
the little dancing dots of light, and keep your focus on
those dots as much as you can.
Of course, as you do, the fish are going to pop out of the
ocean. The thinkingness can get pretty intense. So what
you do is you let go of being curious and interested in the
thoughts, just let them do whatever they do, and keep your
focus on the dots of light... without deviation. This requires
INTENSE focus, and it helps to pretend that your life
depends on it.
From there, have an intention, or prayer, to see the ocean
which is below the thoughts, the ocean from which the
thoughts arise. They arise out of nothingness, out of the
silence below. The mind is already 99% silent, but we're
hypnotized by that annoying 1%. So what you do is simply
intend to discover the other 99%.
After a few minutes (or hours, depending) of focusing on
all those little dots of light, Wooooosh!
You go from believing that you are a mind, to Realizing
that you are MUCH more than just a stupid brain, and much
more than just a meat-puppet body. (In fact, sometimes you
can actually LEAVE the body, and sort of 'fly around', but
so far this has only happened to me twice. I'm not interested
in that, but it is, frankly, very cool. Fear-of-death then
becomes a joke, and subsequently, ALL of your fears begin
to fade away.)
So as you let go of thoughts, eventually you start to merge
with the field of consciousness. The trick is you let go of
each and every single thought the very moment it begins
to arise, and keep focusing on those little dots of light.
And don't do anything else. Don't try to feel anything, just
focus on the dots, ignore ALL of your thoughts, and keep
focusing on those dots for as long as it takes. A little faith
is required, and patience.
As you're watching the little dots, it's like you're looking
into outer space. And if you remain calm and very focused,
eventually you'll quiet the mind and sort of, um, "become"
the space.
It's like, one day you think you are the body, and next thing
you know, you realize you're everything BUT a body. You
go from linear, to nonlinear. From being the content, to
Realizing you're the CONTEXT.
It's freakin' amazing.
So, one day you're the fish, and next thing you know, you
Realize you're the ocean. And you think, "How the heck
did I ever believe myself to be a FISH?!?"
Now, the problem is that whenever I merge with the field
of consciousness, I get so excited that I start THINKING
again :)
I go, "WOW!" and pop out of state.
...But I'm workin' on it. I'm learning to surrender the
excitement, happiness, bliss, and other emotions. That
way I can remain in this state for longer and longer
periods of time. But yeah, it does require practice, and
pretty intense motivation.
Do me a favor? Send a little prayer my way. If I can
get a few thousand prayers sent my way, I believe this
would help me on my intense quest for Enlightenment.
Thanks :)
Alright, I'm going back into the Silence, thanks for reading.
Blessings,
Stephane
and I could use a break right now, so I decided to write
something up about what it is that I'm working on.
The crux of the focus of the meditation I'm working on
is to surrender, over and over and over, all of my thoughts.
It requires a relentless, laser-like, continuous, never-ending
fixity of focus to pull this off.
And every so often - sometimes it can take an hour, but
sometimes only a few minutes, you surrender each and
every single thought, over and over AS it begins to arise,
and next thing you know, POW!
The state is hard to describe... It is Bliss beyond
comprehension. And sometimes your body feels amazing
for several hours, even as you drop the meditation and
go about your day. And it is sometimes accompanied by
crying tears of intense gratitude.
Extremely simple Zen meditation:
Your thoughts are like fish jumping out of the ocean and
into the air. They arise UP, and OUT... for a brief second,
and your mind believes if it were to stop thinking, if the
fish were to stop jumping, you would die, or even
disappear.
Actually, the opposite is the truth. If the mind goes silent,
you will not "die", it's more like being reborn, it's the
feeling of "returning Home", if you will.
It is the most addictive experience I've ever had, even
better than fine wines and threesomes :-)
To try and STOP thinking is not possible. The trick is
to simply relax, close your eyes, look straight ahead at
the little dancing dots of light, and keep your focus on
those dots as much as you can.
Of course, as you do, the fish are going to pop out of the
ocean. The thinkingness can get pretty intense. So what
you do is you let go of being curious and interested in the
thoughts, just let them do whatever they do, and keep your
focus on the dots of light... without deviation. This requires
INTENSE focus, and it helps to pretend that your life
depends on it.
From there, have an intention, or prayer, to see the ocean
which is below the thoughts, the ocean from which the
thoughts arise. They arise out of nothingness, out of the
silence below. The mind is already 99% silent, but we're
hypnotized by that annoying 1%. So what you do is simply
intend to discover the other 99%.
After a few minutes (or hours, depending) of focusing on
all those little dots of light, Wooooosh!
You go from believing that you are a mind, to Realizing
that you are MUCH more than just a stupid brain, and much
more than just a meat-puppet body. (In fact, sometimes you
can actually LEAVE the body, and sort of 'fly around', but
so far this has only happened to me twice. I'm not interested
in that, but it is, frankly, very cool. Fear-of-death then
becomes a joke, and subsequently, ALL of your fears begin
to fade away.)
So as you let go of thoughts, eventually you start to merge
with the field of consciousness. The trick is you let go of
each and every single thought the very moment it begins
to arise, and keep focusing on those little dots of light.
And don't do anything else. Don't try to feel anything, just
focus on the dots, ignore ALL of your thoughts, and keep
focusing on those dots for as long as it takes. A little faith
is required, and patience.
As you're watching the little dots, it's like you're looking
into outer space. And if you remain calm and very focused,
eventually you'll quiet the mind and sort of, um, "become"
the space.
It's like, one day you think you are the body, and next thing
you know, you realize you're everything BUT a body. You
go from linear, to nonlinear. From being the content, to
Realizing you're the CONTEXT.
It's freakin' amazing.
So, one day you're the fish, and next thing you know, you
Realize you're the ocean. And you think, "How the heck
did I ever believe myself to be a FISH?!?"
Now, the problem is that whenever I merge with the field
of consciousness, I get so excited that I start THINKING
again :)
I go, "WOW!" and pop out of state.
...But I'm workin' on it. I'm learning to surrender the
excitement, happiness, bliss, and other emotions. That
way I can remain in this state for longer and longer
periods of time. But yeah, it does require practice, and
pretty intense motivation.
Do me a favor? Send a little prayer my way. If I can
get a few thousand prayers sent my way, I believe this
would help me on my intense quest for Enlightenment.
Thanks :)
Alright, I'm going back into the Silence, thanks for reading.
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Being In The Now: Can Anyone Actually DO It?
Everywhere we turn these days for advice, we are
told, "You just need to be in The Now."
"Forget about the past... Don't worry about the
future... Just be Present. And your problems are
over."
Of course, the first glaring issue with this well-
intended spiritual advice is that there is no "Now."
"The Now" is a mental position we take that has
no basis in Reality.
Of course, it can be very useful, as a meditation
technique, to become as present as you can, but
how many of us can STAY in the present?
The problem with all of this "Now" stuff is that
to actually LIVE this way on an ongoing basis
requires a faith in God that is extremely spiritually
advanced. The willingness to continually let go
of all 'thinkingness' at each moment of each day
continually... is ADVANCED.
Most of us are still... human. We worry about
money, we think about old conversations, we
wonder if that cute waitress over there finds us
attractive...
To try to force ourselves to "stop thinking" is
usually futile unless we've become extremely
spiritually sophisticated. Go hang out in your
latest "Now" workshop and see for yourself
how many of them can actually DO it.
Usually... NONE.
Why?
The human ego itself first needs to be progressively
dissolved, by understanding it's structure. As we
understand it more, we increase our awareness, and
this "light" of awareness begins to dissolve the ego's
programming.
As this programming dissolves, only then do we
begin to NATURALLY experience more of those
states known as the Now, or Presence. As the ego
dissolves a little more each day, we become less "stuck
in the head" and more peaceful, calm, loving, blissful,
stillness begins to prevail.
The ego has seven main programs, and we used to
refer to those programs as "the seven deadly sins."
The problem is that in the past, we used to think we
needed to HATE the seven sins. But we found that
to "hate sin" is not effective.
Trying to be in "The Now" when those seven basic
programs are still running is like trying to build
a house during an earthquake. You can't do it. And
you see these "Now" people getting more and more
frustrated with themselves, and who can blame them?
Now, the seven ego programs are not easy to dissolve,
and there is no quick fix. It takes dedication,
perseverance, and a relentless fixity of focus.
The problem with these seven ego programs is that
deep down, we find them ENJOYABLE.
Lust is ENJOYABLE.
Worry is enjoyable... "Oh how worried I am! Me me
me and my big important worries!"
Anger is ENJOYABLE... It's FUN to hate people,
and, after all, they DESERVE it, don't they?
It's fun to get indignant, to harbor revenge fantasies,
to indulge in a little p0rn...
Want to know why most people get sucked in by all
of the latest spiritual fads, such as the infinite number
of "Now" teachers?
It is all a diversion!
We get into that "new age" stuff in order to AVOID
doing real spiritual work.
Why do we avoid spiritual work?
Guilt & Shame!
We're afraid to look within, for fear that we will find
massive amounts of guilt / shame in there.
And, we will.
Guilt and shame are actually yet ANOTHER "secret
pleasure" of the human ego. Sure, those emotions
are painful, but deep within, the ego ENJOYS them.
"Oh me, how bad I am! Me me me and my big
important failures! Women don't want me! I'm
worthless, I'm a failure! Oh how God must be so
disappointed in the big all-important ME!"
To get EXTREMELY good with women, we need
to progressively surrender these seven ego programs,
a little more each day... and then next thing you know,
a transformation occurs.
Unconditional Love shines forth, like an inner radiance,
and it isn't "personal love", it doesn't come from the
big important Me... It comes from the Source of life
itself.
It becomes a permanent state, and FEARLESSNESS
ensues.
We talk about "inner game" and "confidence" and
"getting over approach anxiety", but the truth of what
we're seeking is fearlessness.
To move through the world without fear is the one and
only freedom there is.
If you haven't checked this out yet...
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety
To fully understand (and put into practice) what is in this
program will take you ALL of the way.
Whatever "success with women" you've been trying to
find is clearly laid out in this program.
Fearlessness.
Anyway, this program isn't a quick fix, it takes dedication
and commitment to really focus on the materials, listen to
the program a few times, let it all sink in, and keep on
practicing with an intense fixity of focus.
Again, the human ego actually ENJOYS feeling like a
loser in front of attractive women. It ENJOYS feeling
like the victim. It ENJOYS thinking that women are
unapproachable aliens. It actually ENJOYS striking out
all night and going home alone and feeling miserable.
The ego will gladly accept self-pity over Love any day
of the week. And it takes extreme courage and self-honesty
to admit that sort of thing :)
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
told, "You just need to be in The Now."
"Forget about the past... Don't worry about the
future... Just be Present. And your problems are
over."
Of course, the first glaring issue with this well-
intended spiritual advice is that there is no "Now."
"The Now" is a mental position we take that has
no basis in Reality.
Of course, it can be very useful, as a meditation
technique, to become as present as you can, but
how many of us can STAY in the present?
The problem with all of this "Now" stuff is that
to actually LIVE this way on an ongoing basis
requires a faith in God that is extremely spiritually
advanced. The willingness to continually let go
of all 'thinkingness' at each moment of each day
continually... is ADVANCED.
Most of us are still... human. We worry about
money, we think about old conversations, we
wonder if that cute waitress over there finds us
attractive...
To try to force ourselves to "stop thinking" is
usually futile unless we've become extremely
spiritually sophisticated. Go hang out in your
latest "Now" workshop and see for yourself
how many of them can actually DO it.
Usually... NONE.
Why?
The human ego itself first needs to be progressively
dissolved, by understanding it's structure. As we
understand it more, we increase our awareness, and
this "light" of awareness begins to dissolve the ego's
programming.
As this programming dissolves, only then do we
begin to NATURALLY experience more of those
states known as the Now, or Presence. As the ego
dissolves a little more each day, we become less "stuck
in the head" and more peaceful, calm, loving, blissful,
stillness begins to prevail.
The ego has seven main programs, and we used to
refer to those programs as "the seven deadly sins."
The problem is that in the past, we used to think we
needed to HATE the seven sins. But we found that
to "hate sin" is not effective.
Trying to be in "The Now" when those seven basic
programs are still running is like trying to build
a house during an earthquake. You can't do it. And
you see these "Now" people getting more and more
frustrated with themselves, and who can blame them?
Now, the seven ego programs are not easy to dissolve,
and there is no quick fix. It takes dedication,
perseverance, and a relentless fixity of focus.
The problem with these seven ego programs is that
deep down, we find them ENJOYABLE.
Lust is ENJOYABLE.
Worry is enjoyable... "Oh how worried I am! Me me
me and my big important worries!"
Anger is ENJOYABLE... It's FUN to hate people,
and, after all, they DESERVE it, don't they?
It's fun to get indignant, to harbor revenge fantasies,
to indulge in a little p0rn...
Want to know why most people get sucked in by all
of the latest spiritual fads, such as the infinite number
of "Now" teachers?
It is all a diversion!
We get into that "new age" stuff in order to AVOID
doing real spiritual work.
Why do we avoid spiritual work?
Guilt & Shame!
We're afraid to look within, for fear that we will find
massive amounts of guilt / shame in there.
And, we will.
Guilt and shame are actually yet ANOTHER "secret
pleasure" of the human ego. Sure, those emotions
are painful, but deep within, the ego ENJOYS them.
"Oh me, how bad I am! Me me me and my big
important failures! Women don't want me! I'm
worthless, I'm a failure! Oh how God must be so
disappointed in the big all-important ME!"
To get EXTREMELY good with women, we need
to progressively surrender these seven ego programs,
a little more each day... and then next thing you know,
a transformation occurs.
Unconditional Love shines forth, like an inner radiance,
and it isn't "personal love", it doesn't come from the
big important Me... It comes from the Source of life
itself.
It becomes a permanent state, and FEARLESSNESS
ensues.
We talk about "inner game" and "confidence" and
"getting over approach anxiety", but the truth of what
we're seeking is fearlessness.
To move through the world without fear is the one and
only freedom there is.
If you haven't checked this out yet...
http://www.ideagasms.net/the-death-of-approach-anxiety
To fully understand (and put into practice) what is in this
program will take you ALL of the way.
Whatever "success with women" you've been trying to
find is clearly laid out in this program.
Fearlessness.
Anyway, this program isn't a quick fix, it takes dedication
and commitment to really focus on the materials, listen to
the program a few times, let it all sink in, and keep on
practicing with an intense fixity of focus.
Again, the human ego actually ENJOYS feeling like a
loser in front of attractive women. It ENJOYS feeling
like the victim. It ENJOYS thinking that women are
unapproachable aliens. It actually ENJOYS striking out
all night and going home alone and feeling miserable.
The ego will gladly accept self-pity over Love any day
of the week. And it takes extreme courage and self-honesty
to admit that sort of thing :)
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Reason We Drink And Do Drugs
One of the 'shortcuts' to Unconditional Love is to
drink and do drugs.
Take a look at this question:
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
I was curious what your feelings on Cannabis are? Both my
partner and I are extremely healthy and we are well versed
in body work and all-things-energy - we smoke daily. I am
aware of the effects cannabis can have on one's energy
body, but I enjoy it very much nonetheless. I am a firm
believer in the holographic nature of reality and,
therefore, believe the effects of cannabis to be subjective
based on ones mastery of 3D and spiritual maturity. Would
you agree? I find myself using ganja to make myself not feel
as bad about having to operate in a heartless society that I
wish nothing to do with; I have much respect for the plant
as well. I do not mean to bother you with this, but I really
resonate to your material and know you are doing so much to
raise the collective vibration.
Peace,
U.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Unless one is using weed for medical purposes, it becomes an
enslavement that will keep one's level of consciousness
down, with all of the accompanying rationalizations and
excuses and justifications to add insult to injury.
It is not a "heartless society" that "causes" you to
"feel bad", but rather, it is your own perceptions and the
resulting emotions. Problems are always "in here", and not
"out there".
The problem with weed is that it opens you to ALL of the
lower emotions (or "seven deadly sins" ego-programming)
resulting in paranoia, unconscious guilt, shame, anger,
depression, apathy, and then there has to be insane amounts
of energy expended on pride, denial, rationalizations,
repression, and projection in order to subserve the habit.
The higher one's level of consciousness (or
"Self-awareness") is, the more intensely they will feel
the resulting paranoia, depression, shame, etc. whenever
they smoke weed, and the more clever the ego's
rationalizations have to become until eventually, a person
snaps out of the denial they're in and becomes willing to
admit the truth to themselves.
Very often, people will not snap out of denial/repression
because they do not yet know how to handle guilt. If they
were to admit the truth to themselves, their own conscience
(which Freud has termed The Superego) would then proceed to
attack them.
Incidentally, this is why athiest's refuse to believe in God,
and often become very emotional about the subject and even
naively try to convince others that the human soul (therefore
consciousness itself) does not exist. They refute God
because they would then become subject to insane amounts of
guilt.
If they were to suddenly snap out of being in denial, the
guilt would potentially eat them alive. Atheism is a form of
intellectual narcissism, for it claims to "know" that God does
not exist. However, the existence of God cannot be proven
nor dis-proven via the human mind. (Therefore, agnosticism is
much wiser than atheism.)
So, our own guilt, which is a form of self-blame and
self-hatred, is at the core of denial, repression, etc. and
often results in the mind then projecting it's own flaws
"out there" onto the world. This results in the dualistic
ego/mind then seeing the world through a victim/perpetrator
lens and polarizing itself with all that it sees.
Realize that I do not take any "moralistic" stances on
smoking weed. I myself have experimented with drugs and
altered states, and once I realized WHY I was doing so, I no
longer felt any attraction/repulsion toward them anymore.
The reason we drink or do drugs is very simple:
What happens is they "drown out" the lower emotions
(guilt, pride, anger, apathy, sadness, etc.) and get those
levels out of the way so that our Higher Self can
temporarily shine through.
The "high" you feel is not "caused" by any drug, it is
actually always there. Unconditional Love and Bliss are
always there, in the background of our human experience. We
drink because we long to feel the presence of our own
Spirit. The problem is that unless we do drugs, we barely
even notice it due to the ego and it's programming. We
don't feel the Joy because our lower emotions stand in the
way, just as clouds stand in the way of the sunshine.
By "drowning out" these lower emotions with weed, we
finally get to feel the truth of what we are. We feel our
Eternal Beingness/Joy/Bliss/Unconditional Love. The part of
us that was never born, and never dies.
The trick to transcending drugs and alcohol is thus simple,
but not easy:
We must learn how to surrender the lower emotions (guilt,
shame, anger, etc.) and overcome them progressively. As
those emotions begin to leave our energy field, states of
Unconditional Love are reached. This is the purpose of
ideaGasms, to share ways that one can reach states of
Unconditional Love.
This is why 12-step programs have been so successful with so
many millions of people. The 12 steps are a literal pathway
to Unconditional Love. The mastery of those 12 steps is what
elevates our level of consciousness to that of Unconditional
Love.
When Unconditional Love is truly reached (not easy!), the
desire to drink and do drugs then fades away. Realize it was
never the drug you craved, it was the experience of being
able to feel the presence of your own Higher Self. (That
alone should help to alleviate some of the unconscious
guilt.)
Thanks for your question!
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
drink and do drugs.
Take a look at this question:
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
I was curious what your feelings on Cannabis are? Both my
partner and I are extremely healthy and we are well versed
in body work and all-things-energy - we smoke daily. I am
aware of the effects cannabis can have on one's energy
body, but I enjoy it very much nonetheless. I am a firm
believer in the holographic nature of reality and,
therefore, believe the effects of cannabis to be subjective
based on ones mastery of 3D and spiritual maturity. Would
you agree? I find myself using ganja to make myself not feel
as bad about having to operate in a heartless society that I
wish nothing to do with; I have much respect for the plant
as well. I do not mean to bother you with this, but I really
resonate to your material and know you are doing so much to
raise the collective vibration.
Peace,
U.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Unless one is using weed for medical purposes, it becomes an
enslavement that will keep one's level of consciousness
down, with all of the accompanying rationalizations and
excuses and justifications to add insult to injury.
It is not a "heartless society" that "causes" you to
"feel bad", but rather, it is your own perceptions and the
resulting emotions. Problems are always "in here", and not
"out there".
The problem with weed is that it opens you to ALL of the
lower emotions (or "seven deadly sins" ego-programming)
resulting in paranoia, unconscious guilt, shame, anger,
depression, apathy, and then there has to be insane amounts
of energy expended on pride, denial, rationalizations,
repression, and projection in order to subserve the habit.
The higher one's level of consciousness (or
"Self-awareness") is, the more intensely they will feel
the resulting paranoia, depression, shame, etc. whenever
they smoke weed, and the more clever the ego's
rationalizations have to become until eventually, a person
snaps out of the denial they're in and becomes willing to
admit the truth to themselves.
Very often, people will not snap out of denial/repression
because they do not yet know how to handle guilt. If they
were to admit the truth to themselves, their own conscience
(which Freud has termed The Superego) would then proceed to
attack them.
Incidentally, this is why athiest's refuse to believe in God,
and often become very emotional about the subject and even
naively try to convince others that the human soul (therefore
consciousness itself) does not exist. They refute God
because they would then become subject to insane amounts of
guilt.
If they were to suddenly snap out of being in denial, the
guilt would potentially eat them alive. Atheism is a form of
intellectual narcissism, for it claims to "know" that God does
not exist. However, the existence of God cannot be proven
nor dis-proven via the human mind. (Therefore, agnosticism is
much wiser than atheism.)
So, our own guilt, which is a form of self-blame and
self-hatred, is at the core of denial, repression, etc. and
often results in the mind then projecting it's own flaws
"out there" onto the world. This results in the dualistic
ego/mind then seeing the world through a victim/perpetrator
lens and polarizing itself with all that it sees.
Realize that I do not take any "moralistic" stances on
smoking weed. I myself have experimented with drugs and
altered states, and once I realized WHY I was doing so, I no
longer felt any attraction/repulsion toward them anymore.
The reason we drink or do drugs is very simple:
What happens is they "drown out" the lower emotions
(guilt, pride, anger, apathy, sadness, etc.) and get those
levels out of the way so that our Higher Self can
temporarily shine through.
The "high" you feel is not "caused" by any drug, it is
actually always there. Unconditional Love and Bliss are
always there, in the background of our human experience. We
drink because we long to feel the presence of our own
Spirit. The problem is that unless we do drugs, we barely
even notice it due to the ego and it's programming. We
don't feel the Joy because our lower emotions stand in the
way, just as clouds stand in the way of the sunshine.
By "drowning out" these lower emotions with weed, we
finally get to feel the truth of what we are. We feel our
Eternal Beingness/Joy/Bliss/Unconditional Love. The part of
us that was never born, and never dies.
The trick to transcending drugs and alcohol is thus simple,
but not easy:
We must learn how to surrender the lower emotions (guilt,
shame, anger, etc.) and overcome them progressively. As
those emotions begin to leave our energy field, states of
Unconditional Love are reached. This is the purpose of
ideaGasms, to share ways that one can reach states of
Unconditional Love.
This is why 12-step programs have been so successful with so
many millions of people. The 12 steps are a literal pathway
to Unconditional Love. The mastery of those 12 steps is what
elevates our level of consciousness to that of Unconditional
Love.
When Unconditional Love is truly reached (not easy!), the
desire to drink and do drugs then fades away. Realize it was
never the drug you craved, it was the experience of being
able to feel the presence of your own Higher Self. (That
alone should help to alleviate some of the unconscious
guilt.)
Thanks for your question!
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Only God Is Real - All Else Is An Illusion
Will the embodiment of 'unconditional' Love make one go
weak, complacent, naive, dumb, victimized, and consequently
open one to the energy vampires of the world?
Take a good look at this question:
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
the girl I ended up with had VERY low self-esteem,
childish emotions, that I didn’t understand, so I thought it
was love and happiness. We were very happy for 2 months,
then it ended in disaster, and we haven’t spoken together
for 1.5 years now, even though we are in the same classroom.
I’ve tried a few times, but I didn’t continue to try
(because I am afraid of getting my pride hurt I think).
I feel that whenever I try to love my parents (especially my
mother) unconditionally, I always end up exhausted and
drained from my energy, because in the end I think I wish to
save them from Hell (even though my attempt is weak). It’s
like I’m stuck in a dilemma, because on one side, I could
just accept the way they are and love them, but if I do so,
I will not be able to "not take crap", since.. well, we
live under the same roof after all; meaning that I can’t
just neglect them at times where they are nagging: They will
keep nagging me, maybe leave me alone, go to the kitchen and
suffer there, just to come back the next morning, trying to
justify themselves and their actions. They’re constantly
being in denial, though I end up feeling like I am as well.
It’s like whenever we sit down and speak about it, my mother
speaks of my problems plus her fears (example: how I hurt
her and how she’s afraid of not being able to do well at her
job, so she feels like she’s a slave to her calendar). At
the same time I speak of her problems: feeling like a victim
and constantly being in fear; but she will never listen I
guess.
You probably see a lot of psychological stuff in this, and
how we both fail our relationship to each other, but how do
I love her unconditionally without either being a slave (a
friend compared me to Cinderella in the way that I work a
lot in the house, even though I should focus on my studies)
or getting all my energy drained, because of nagging, which
comes from the fact that I don’t work as much as my mother
wants me to?
Thanks, O.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Here is how things SEEM to be, out of my present-day level
of consciousness -
The part that really stood out for me was this:
> It’s like I’m stuck in a dilemma, because on one side, I
> could just accept the way they are and love them, but if I
> do so, I will not be able to "not take crap", since..
> well, we live under the same roof after all;
This is a common illusion that we all must resolve
internally, and it is actually very simple to resolve.
To love unconditionally, you must also love yourself
unconditionally.
So, you're not going to "take crap" because you're
unwilling to give yourself any crap. You will value your own
life too much, so you're not going to "bend over" for
anybody.
The trick to dealing with vamps is to own everything they
say about you. So if they go, "You're so selfish!" you
can just go, "You know what, you're absolutely right, I
have been selfish at times, please forgive me?"
Or even just, "Can you forgive me?" to ANY statement they
make about you, even if it is 100% false.
You're not admitting they are "right" about something that
is fallacious, you're merely allowing them to hold onto
fallacy and asking them to forgive you.
You see, if people say things about you and it hurts your
feelings, it's because you're refusing to own it due to
false pride.
Pride is a "sin" (mistake) because it is an illusion. An
illusion of the mind. You see, the mind tries to take credit
for things such as intelligence, lovingness, honesty,
creativity, friendliness, compassion, and so on.
But, upon examination, the human ego/mind is really just
composed of animal programming, and as such it is not
capable of being kind, intelligent, loving, etc. without the
help of the Higher Spiritual Self (God) which arises from
the kundalini (spiritual energy) that activates the 'chakras'
(levels of consciousness). Things like inner peace, love,
warmth, bliss, etc. are all emanating as a result of this
spiritual (non-linear) energy.
So, instead of being proud, we become grateful instead.
With this kind of humility, you start thanking God every
time you feel good about anything, every time you succeed at
things you go, "Oh Lord, thank you so much for this
experience" and next thing you know, you start feeling so
much gratitude that it begins to transform you in every way.
From this place, whenever your girlfriend or family tries to
energy vamp you, you begin to feel compassion for them.
You'll get angry with them, but not because you think
you're superior, it's a different kind of anger, it's the
kind of anger that is present because you value your life
and your relationships.
You won't "take crap" simply because you're willing to
admit that yes, your ego is vain, selfish, greedy,
narcissistic. This is true of all human ego conditions, and
until you transcend the ego itself, there has to be a
willingness to own everything anyone ever says about you.
"Yeah sure, I have been XYZ at times, can you forgive me?"
What you're really saying is, "Forgive human ego
programming", thus you are really saying, "Forgive the
'me' that is also in 'you'."
You're asking them to forgive an illusion, to forgive the
lower self, so to speak. The Higher Spiritual Self remains
untouched, so be willing to put the ego up on a cross and
allow it to be crucified by anyone who wishes to do so.
Allow people to crucify themselves if they feel they need
to. Let people crucify and naively demonize the ego if they
would like to do so.
In many cases they will not forgive you, since they don't
know how. To forgive someone, there has to be a willingness
to admit - oohhh that most painful of all things:
That one could be....
"WRONG."
Not that one IS wrong, just that one COULD be wrong, and
thus could benefit from collecting more data about the
situation, to move beyond the rigid positionality they're
spending most of their life energy on maintaining due to
false pride.
Most people would rather die :-)
Another thing you can do is ask them for a hug.
They will then reveal themselves to you, since they won't
be able or willing to hug you. And if they do hug you, you'll
see how cold and rigid their bodies are.
So again, be willing to own anything and everything people
ever say about the ego in you.
"You're suck a prick!"
"Oh yes, I have been very pricky, at times. Forgive the
prickness. Can I have a hug?"
Put that ego up on the cross.
Do it sincerely, admit the truth to yourself that yes, at
times, you have indeed been XYZ in your life, and be willing
to have some regret, have a decent regret about those
things.
Forgive the ego, and pray for God's help in doing so.
Forgive yours, forgive theirs, and thus be willing to
forgive the collective unconscious (ego) of all humanity.
And then stand back and watch how many people reveal
themselves. They won't forgive you because they simply
cannot. If they could, they would because forgiveness
doesn't benefit the "bad guys" it benefits the one doing
the forgiving. They don't have the energy to forgive, it
has likely been drained out of them due to their need to
cling to positionalities and feed and distort them to the
point where they will literally falsify their own memory
banks, just for the sake of being "right."
It takes a lot of energy to do that. It drains out the life
energy and that very often results in sickness, dis-ease,
mental and emotional imbalances, and leads to a type of
spiritual despair.
Since the ego/mind is incapable of telling the difference
between truth and fallacy, without a willingness to
surrender pride many people will spend entire lifetimes
nursing grudges and plotting their revenge and backstabbing
you and distorting events and even getting creative about
all of it.
You will find that energy vamps, due to the nature of what
they are (which is 100% ego-identified), will say and do
anything and everything you can imagine in order to get you
to feel guilty, ashamed, wrong, stupid, and even demonic and
totally un-loveable.
Since this is how they feel within, this is how they see
you, and this is how they see the world in general.
85% of humanity lives in a world of 100% ego-identified
projection.
And there seems to be *NOTHING* you can do for them, since
everyone must learn to take responsibility on their own. And
this is true about 85% of the human beings walking the earth
today. But, people are merely working out their own karmic
destiny; allow them to do so. Let the snake be a snake, it is
indeed a perfect snake, just as a human energy vampire is a
perfect energy vampire.
In the end, it was never about "you and them" anyway.
It is about you and God, or ego versus Divinity.
This seems to be expressed in Christianity as the great
spiritual war between 'Lucifer and God', or 'good and
evil'.
People will show you where you and God's relationship is
lacking, incomplete, mistaken, false, wrong, and illusory.
Therefore everything and anything people do "to you" is
actually a Divine Gift that can either be used to juice a
victimhood positionality, OR, to allow you to elevate your
conscious awareness. Your choice.
This may sound "out there" at the moment, but if you'd
like to understand this subjectively and experientially,
simply become willing to be kind towards everyone including
yourself with no exceptions... and in time, an
inner-knowingness about all of this will arise:
"Only God is real, all else is illusion."
Try repeating THAT affirmation a thousand times in a row and
see what happens to your state :-)
(So again, this is how things SEEM to be, out of my
present-day level of consciousness which is forever
changing.)
Thanks for your question!
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
weak, complacent, naive, dumb, victimized, and consequently
open one to the energy vampires of the world?
Take a good look at this question:
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
childish emotions, that I didn’t understand, so I thought it
was love and happiness. We were very happy for 2 months,
then it ended in disaster, and we haven’t spoken together
for 1.5 years now, even though we are in the same classroom.
I’ve tried a few times, but I didn’t continue to try
(because I am afraid of getting my pride hurt I think).
I feel that whenever I try to love my parents (especially my
mother) unconditionally, I always end up exhausted and
drained from my energy, because in the end I think I wish to
save them from Hell (even though my attempt is weak). It’s
like I’m stuck in a dilemma, because on one side, I could
just accept the way they are and love them, but if I do so,
I will not be able to "not take crap", since.. well, we
live under the same roof after all; meaning that I can’t
just neglect them at times where they are nagging: They will
keep nagging me, maybe leave me alone, go to the kitchen and
suffer there, just to come back the next morning, trying to
justify themselves and their actions. They’re constantly
being in denial, though I end up feeling like I am as well.
It’s like whenever we sit down and speak about it, my mother
speaks of my problems plus her fears (example: how I hurt
her and how she’s afraid of not being able to do well at her
job, so she feels like she’s a slave to her calendar). At
the same time I speak of her problems: feeling like a victim
and constantly being in fear; but she will never listen I
guess.
You probably see a lot of psychological stuff in this, and
how we both fail our relationship to each other, but how do
I love her unconditionally without either being a slave (a
friend compared me to Cinderella in the way that I work a
lot in the house, even though I should focus on my studies)
or getting all my energy drained, because of nagging, which
comes from the fact that I don’t work as much as my mother
wants me to?
Thanks, O.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Here is how things SEEM to be, out of my present-day level
of consciousness -
The part that really stood out for me was this:
> It’s like I’m stuck in a dilemma, because on one side, I
> could just accept the way they are and love them, but if I
> do so, I will not be able to "not take crap", since..
> well, we live under the same roof after all;
This is a common illusion that we all must resolve
internally, and it is actually very simple to resolve.
To love unconditionally, you must also love yourself
unconditionally.
So, you're not going to "take crap" because you're
unwilling to give yourself any crap. You will value your own
life too much, so you're not going to "bend over" for
anybody.
The trick to dealing with vamps is to own everything they
say about you. So if they go, "You're so selfish!" you
can just go, "You know what, you're absolutely right, I
have been selfish at times, please forgive me?"
Or even just, "Can you forgive me?" to ANY statement they
make about you, even if it is 100% false.
You're not admitting they are "right" about something that
is fallacious, you're merely allowing them to hold onto
fallacy and asking them to forgive you.
You see, if people say things about you and it hurts your
feelings, it's because you're refusing to own it due to
false pride.
Pride is a "sin" (mistake) because it is an illusion. An
illusion of the mind. You see, the mind tries to take credit
for things such as intelligence, lovingness, honesty,
creativity, friendliness, compassion, and so on.
But, upon examination, the human ego/mind is really just
composed of animal programming, and as such it is not
capable of being kind, intelligent, loving, etc. without the
help of the Higher Spiritual Self (God) which arises from
the kundalini (spiritual energy) that activates the 'chakras'
(levels of consciousness). Things like inner peace, love,
warmth, bliss, etc. are all emanating as a result of this
spiritual (non-linear) energy.
So, instead of being proud, we become grateful instead.
With this kind of humility, you start thanking God every
time you feel good about anything, every time you succeed at
things you go, "Oh Lord, thank you so much for this
experience" and next thing you know, you start feeling so
much gratitude that it begins to transform you in every way.
From this place, whenever your girlfriend or family tries to
energy vamp you, you begin to feel compassion for them.
You'll get angry with them, but not because you think
you're superior, it's a different kind of anger, it's the
kind of anger that is present because you value your life
and your relationships.
You won't "take crap" simply because you're willing to
admit that yes, your ego is vain, selfish, greedy,
narcissistic. This is true of all human ego conditions, and
until you transcend the ego itself, there has to be a
willingness to own everything anyone ever says about you.
"Yeah sure, I have been XYZ at times, can you forgive me?"
What you're really saying is, "Forgive human ego
programming", thus you are really saying, "Forgive the
'me' that is also in 'you'."
You're asking them to forgive an illusion, to forgive the
lower self, so to speak. The Higher Spiritual Self remains
untouched, so be willing to put the ego up on a cross and
allow it to be crucified by anyone who wishes to do so.
Allow people to crucify themselves if they feel they need
to. Let people crucify and naively demonize the ego if they
would like to do so.
In many cases they will not forgive you, since they don't
know how. To forgive someone, there has to be a willingness
to admit - oohhh that most painful of all things:
That one could be....
"WRONG."
Not that one IS wrong, just that one COULD be wrong, and
thus could benefit from collecting more data about the
situation, to move beyond the rigid positionality they're
spending most of their life energy on maintaining due to
false pride.
Most people would rather die :-)
Another thing you can do is ask them for a hug.
They will then reveal themselves to you, since they won't
be able or willing to hug you. And if they do hug you, you'll
see how cold and rigid their bodies are.
So again, be willing to own anything and everything people
ever say about the ego in you.
"You're suck a prick!"
"Oh yes, I have been very pricky, at times. Forgive the
prickness. Can I have a hug?"
Put that ego up on the cross.
Do it sincerely, admit the truth to yourself that yes, at
times, you have indeed been XYZ in your life, and be willing
to have some regret, have a decent regret about those
things.
Forgive the ego, and pray for God's help in doing so.
Forgive yours, forgive theirs, and thus be willing to
forgive the collective unconscious (ego) of all humanity.
And then stand back and watch how many people reveal
themselves. They won't forgive you because they simply
cannot. If they could, they would because forgiveness
doesn't benefit the "bad guys" it benefits the one doing
the forgiving. They don't have the energy to forgive, it
has likely been drained out of them due to their need to
cling to positionalities and feed and distort them to the
point where they will literally falsify their own memory
banks, just for the sake of being "right."
It takes a lot of energy to do that. It drains out the life
energy and that very often results in sickness, dis-ease,
mental and emotional imbalances, and leads to a type of
spiritual despair.
Since the ego/mind is incapable of telling the difference
between truth and fallacy, without a willingness to
surrender pride many people will spend entire lifetimes
nursing grudges and plotting their revenge and backstabbing
you and distorting events and even getting creative about
all of it.
You will find that energy vamps, due to the nature of what
they are (which is 100% ego-identified), will say and do
anything and everything you can imagine in order to get you
to feel guilty, ashamed, wrong, stupid, and even demonic and
totally un-loveable.
Since this is how they feel within, this is how they see
you, and this is how they see the world in general.
85% of humanity lives in a world of 100% ego-identified
projection.
And there seems to be *NOTHING* you can do for them, since
everyone must learn to take responsibility on their own. And
this is true about 85% of the human beings walking the earth
today. But, people are merely working out their own karmic
destiny; allow them to do so. Let the snake be a snake, it is
indeed a perfect snake, just as a human energy vampire is a
perfect energy vampire.
In the end, it was never about "you and them" anyway.
It is about you and God, or ego versus Divinity.
This seems to be expressed in Christianity as the great
spiritual war between 'Lucifer and God', or 'good and
evil'.
People will show you where you and God's relationship is
lacking, incomplete, mistaken, false, wrong, and illusory.
Therefore everything and anything people do "to you" is
actually a Divine Gift that can either be used to juice a
victimhood positionality, OR, to allow you to elevate your
conscious awareness. Your choice.
This may sound "out there" at the moment, but if you'd
like to understand this subjectively and experientially,
simply become willing to be kind towards everyone including
yourself with no exceptions... and in time, an
inner-knowingness about all of this will arise:
"Only God is real, all else is illusion."
Try repeating THAT affirmation a thousand times in a row and
see what happens to your state :-)
(So again, this is how things SEEM to be, out of my
present-day level of consciousness which is forever
changing.)
Thanks for your question!
Blissings,
Stephane Hemon
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Top 4 Negative Relationship Patterns: Energy Vampires (Part 1 of 4)
This will be a 4-part newsletter (one per day over
the next 4 days).
The ONLY problem that people have when it comes
to getting their love lives together is that they
GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER.
Most people give away their power to a certain extent,
and this article contains the blueprint that can assist you
to become aware of WHOM you're giving your power
away to, and HOW you're giving it away. And, we're
going to use some pretty dramatic language patterns
to assist the mind in paying close attention - Notably,
the term "Energy Vampire" will be used.
So what is an Energy Vampire?
It simply refers to people who drain our energy.
Perhaps you'll see your parents in these descriptions;
you'll see some of your friends, lovers, and perhaps even
yourself.
Actually, most humans are "energy vamps", it's just a
matter of degree (and context).
When dealing with an Energy Vampire, you can feel it
instantly...
You will get a feeling in the Solar-Plexus Chakra
(in the upper-belly region), which is linked to our
emotional body and central nervous system.
(Otherwise known as a "gut feeling" or an intuition.)
There are 4 main "types" of Energy Vamps:
- The Poor Me (or victim, or martyr)
- The Aloof (or 'fake Buddha')
- The Interrogator (or 'dev.il's advocate')
- The Intimidator (or bully)
These people usually leave us feeling tired; they drain
our energy and self-esteem.
And worse, we often cannot get them out of our heads
afterwards! We tend to re-play the conversation in our head,
telling ourselves that we should have said "this" or "that"
instead...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER ONE: THE 'POOR-ME'
These people drain our energy by complaining;
usually implying that others are somehow responsible
for their troubles.
When in the presence of this person, you could find
yourself feeling guilty, even though you know deep down
that their life challenges aren't your fault.
You could feel as though you need to defend against the idea
that you're not giving, or doing, or being enough for this person.
Many people use their misfortunes in life to gain sympathy.
They want to talk about the suffering they've endured, or
about the mistreatment of their parents, or about their
illness, or some other deprivation or failure.
These people see the world as "unfair", and avoid taking
responsibility. And, they want you to hear all about it :)
They focus on negative energy in order to "steal energy"
from anyone who will listen to their whining (attention,
sympathy, pity, etc.).
When something traumatic happens, it's okay to obtain
support. With time, you 'heal' and learn the lessons that are
involved (assuming that you can take responsibility for your
life).
But, when people use their life's suffering as a way to gain
pity and attention (our energy), with empathy, understanding,
and compassion we can learn how to be unaffected from that.
When dealing with a "poor me", perhaps the only way to help
them is to see if they can help themselves. Are they willing to
look at the role that THEY have played in creating their own
reality?
Can they take "response-ability"?
What precludes a "poor me" victim from taking responsibility
seems to be that they lack the energy and the courage to do
so. Thus, they lack the energy and the courage that it takes
for self-honesty; one must have the courage to face the truth
about themselves before they can become responsible.
It has been said that the favorite "sin" of the one known as
Lucifer is that of Pride. When one becomes "too proud", one
then often slips down a slippery slope into all of the other "sins",
such as greed, lu.st, sloth, hatred, and so on.
That's an interesting way of looking at things, since the downside
of Pride is denial, and a "poor me" victim needs to be in denial
in order to maintain their illusion of victimhood.
Since the very first qualification one needs in order to be ready
for any kind of healthy relationship is Integrity, perhaps it is
wise to avoid starting relationships with those who might fall
under this "poor me" victim mentality. Integrity seems to be
the "minimum system requirement" for a healthy relationship.
A "poor me" isn't going to "change" anytime soon, in fact, it's
this very mentality that precludes them from changing. (In many
cases they usually need to hit "rock bottom" before waking up,
such as an alcoholic hitting "rock bottom" before they are willing
to stop being in denial that they have a problem.)
Now, we've used a pretty dramatic term, "energy vampires", but
in the end, once we're able to notice these kinds of patterns in
ourselves and in others, we usually come to see that they are really
just behaving like two-year-old children (crying, self-pity, whining,
complaining, blaming the outside world, temper-tantrums, and so on.)
Seeing people as behaving like children seems to help us to feel
more compassion for them, rather than sympathetic contempt and
judgmentalism.
Another thing that can assist us in feeling compassion for them
is to realize that they really are doing the best they can with what
they have (S0cial conditioning, the mind's programming, brain
physiology, family upbringing, etc.).
Human life seems to be a "training ground" for the various levels
of human consciousness, so rather than trying to "change" people,
perhaps it is wiser to see that they are simply playing with energy
and merely fulfilling their own Destiny; perhaps it is wise to just
allow them to do so.
Sympathy doesn't help people, but empathy and understanding
often does.
So, how do we deal with someone like this in our lives once we
realize that they are stuck in a "poor me" type of victim
mentality?
One way of dealing with this new realization is to treat them as
if they are a Divine Gift sent to show us this pattern in ourselves.
We can then pray for their forgiveness, and pray for the forgiveness
of the aspect of ourselves that either used to be that way, or perhaps
even still is that way, at times.
Note that forgiveness seems to be granted in the very asking. The
moment we ask is the same moment that we access that energy field.
Also note how peaceful you feel inside when you take the time to pray
like this. This will help the mind to stop "replaying" the events and
trying to find clever ways of "changing" the person involved.
Thanks for reading, and I'll see you tomorrow with the second
portion of this 4-part series, "The Aloof" (or fake Buddha).
> For a much deeper understanding about all of this, check out some
of my advanced materials right here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Blessings,
Stephane
the next 4 days).
The ONLY problem that people have when it comes
to getting their love lives together is that they
GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER.
Most people give away their power to a certain extent,
and this article contains the blueprint that can assist you
to become aware of WHOM you're giving your power
away to, and HOW you're giving it away. And, we're
going to use some pretty dramatic language patterns
to assist the mind in paying close attention - Notably,
the term "Energy Vampire" will be used.
So what is an Energy Vampire?
It simply refers to people who drain our energy.
Perhaps you'll see your parents in these descriptions;
you'll see some of your friends, lovers, and perhaps even
yourself.
Actually, most humans are "energy vamps", it's just a
matter of degree (and context).
When dealing with an Energy Vampire, you can feel it
instantly...
You will get a feeling in the Solar-Plexus Chakra
(in the upper-belly region), which is linked to our
emotional body and central nervous system.
(Otherwise known as a "gut feeling" or an intuition.)
There are 4 main "types" of Energy Vamps:
- The Poor Me (or victim, or martyr)
- The Aloof (or 'fake Buddha')
- The Interrogator (or 'dev.il's advocate')
- The Intimidator (or bully)
These people usually leave us feeling tired; they drain
our energy and self-esteem.
And worse, we often cannot get them out of our heads
afterwards! We tend to re-play the conversation in our head,
telling ourselves that we should have said "this" or "that"
instead...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER ONE: THE 'POOR-ME'
These people drain our energy by complaining;
usually implying that others are somehow responsible
for their troubles.
When in the presence of this person, you could find
yourself feeling guilty, even though you know deep down
that their life challenges aren't your fault.
You could feel as though you need to defend against the idea
that you're not giving, or doing, or being enough for this person.
Many people use their misfortunes in life to gain sympathy.
They want to talk about the suffering they've endured, or
about the mistreatment of their parents, or about their
illness, or some other deprivation or failure.
These people see the world as "unfair", and avoid taking
responsibility. And, they want you to hear all about it :)
They focus on negative energy in order to "steal energy"
from anyone who will listen to their whining (attention,
sympathy, pity, etc.).
When something traumatic happens, it's okay to obtain
support. With time, you 'heal' and learn the lessons that are
involved (assuming that you can take responsibility for your
life).
But, when people use their life's suffering as a way to gain
pity and attention (our energy), with empathy, understanding,
and compassion we can learn how to be unaffected from that.
When dealing with a "poor me", perhaps the only way to help
them is to see if they can help themselves. Are they willing to
look at the role that THEY have played in creating their own
reality?
Can they take "response-ability"?
What precludes a "poor me" victim from taking responsibility
seems to be that they lack the energy and the courage to do
so. Thus, they lack the energy and the courage that it takes
for self-honesty; one must have the courage to face the truth
about themselves before they can become responsible.
It has been said that the favorite "sin" of the one known as
Lucifer is that of Pride. When one becomes "too proud", one
then often slips down a slippery slope into all of the other "sins",
such as greed, lu.st, sloth, hatred, and so on.
That's an interesting way of looking at things, since the downside
of Pride is denial, and a "poor me" victim needs to be in denial
in order to maintain their illusion of victimhood.
Since the very first qualification one needs in order to be ready
for any kind of healthy relationship is Integrity, perhaps it is
wise to avoid starting relationships with those who might fall
under this "poor me" victim mentality. Integrity seems to be
the "minimum system requirement" for a healthy relationship.
A "poor me" isn't going to "change" anytime soon, in fact, it's
this very mentality that precludes them from changing. (In many
cases they usually need to hit "rock bottom" before waking up,
such as an alcoholic hitting "rock bottom" before they are willing
to stop being in denial that they have a problem.)
Now, we've used a pretty dramatic term, "energy vampires", but
in the end, once we're able to notice these kinds of patterns in
ourselves and in others, we usually come to see that they are really
just behaving like two-year-old children (crying, self-pity, whining,
complaining, blaming the outside world, temper-tantrums, and so on.)
Seeing people as behaving like children seems to help us to feel
more compassion for them, rather than sympathetic contempt and
judgmentalism.
Another thing that can assist us in feeling compassion for them
is to realize that they really are doing the best they can with what
they have (S0cial conditioning, the mind's programming, brain
physiology, family upbringing, etc.).
Human life seems to be a "training ground" for the various levels
of human consciousness, so rather than trying to "change" people,
perhaps it is wiser to see that they are simply playing with energy
and merely fulfilling their own Destiny; perhaps it is wise to just
allow them to do so.
Sympathy doesn't help people, but empathy and understanding
often does.
So, how do we deal with someone like this in our lives once we
realize that they are stuck in a "poor me" type of victim
mentality?
One way of dealing with this new realization is to treat them as
if they are a Divine Gift sent to show us this pattern in ourselves.
We can then pray for their forgiveness, and pray for the forgiveness
of the aspect of ourselves that either used to be that way, or perhaps
even still is that way, at times.
Note that forgiveness seems to be granted in the very asking. The
moment we ask is the same moment that we access that energy field.
Also note how peaceful you feel inside when you take the time to pray
like this. This will help the mind to stop "replaying" the events and
trying to find clever ways of "changing" the person involved.
Thanks for reading, and I'll see you tomorrow with the second
portion of this 4-part series, "The Aloof" (or fake Buddha).
> For a much deeper understanding about all of this, check out some
of my advanced materials right here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Blessings,
Stephane
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Top 4 Negative Relationship Patterns: Energy Vampires (Part 2 of 4)
Let's take a look at the next major ego pattern that is commonly
seen in the world of dating and relationships...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER TWO: THE 'ALOOF'
These people act emotionally distant, usually in response
to having had overbearing or controlling parents.
They are withdrawn, and see the world as overwhelming and
threatening.
They are often distrustful and suspicious of others
motives, and people describe them as being "shy" or even
"snobby."
Someone who is aloof is pretending that they don't care
what others think. It is a fake 'mask' designed to
give them the "upper hand."
You know you're in the presence of an Aloof person when
you find yourself doing all the talking, and asking question
after question, trying to get them to come out of their
shell.
They will contribute very little to the conversation...
This is exactly where they want you, because it gives them
a feeling of control. This is how they get attention,
validation, and your energy.
You'll probably feel inadequate or "less than", as if
something is inherently wrong with you. Again, you'll feel
discomfort in the Solar-Plexus Chakra (upper belly).
If you complain, they will often just give you the silent
treatment.
Of course, one needs to look at how they might be contributing
to these types of aloof responses in others...
DESIRE ITSELF PROMOTES ALOOF BEHAVIOR
Desire, neediness, and wantingness will naturally create an
aversion in another person. Examples of this might be when
a salesman approaches someone, or when a "pickup artist"
approaches a woman with too much desire - this creates an
aversion in the other person.
Although this aversion can seem similar to aloofness, in this
case one needs to take responsibility and come to realize that
they are really just contributing to the problem.
ALOOFNESS AS A SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE
Now, there is a theme being played out in many relationships
and it goes like this:
"The one who loves least is in control of the relationship."
This is often the hidden motive, the hidden agenda of one
who is being aloof, which is to try and "attract" someone
by playing on their sense of validation and their addiction
to approval.
The downside of this is that this "playing aloof" might be
cute, coy, and seductive, but it only "works well" on those
who live primarily in the solar-plexus level of consciousness
(desire, validation, wantingness, control, power, fame, etc.)
thus it precludes one from being able to attract a mate that
is more spiritual (compassion, kindness for it's own enjoyment,
and unconditional love).
Someone who says they want true love to enter their life
but then uses aloof behavior patterns to try to "get" love
is really missing the whole point. They can only "attract"
mates who are really just seeking validation. They are,
in a sense, using the wrong bait.
ALOOF BEHAVIOR FALLS BELOW "THE INTEGRITY LINE"
Many people ask me, "Where do you draw the line between
working on your 'skills' versus just walking away from
somebody who's too aloof? How do you know for certain
that it wasn't your 'skill' (or lack thereof)?"
I draw the line at integrity because without honesty, healthy
relationships are not likely to occur.
> For a more in-depth and advanced education in these matters,
click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you tomorrow with part 3 in
this series, "The Interrogator."
Blessings,
Stephane
seen in the world of dating and relationships...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER TWO: THE 'ALOOF'
These people act emotionally distant, usually in response
to having had overbearing or controlling parents.
They are withdrawn, and see the world as overwhelming and
threatening.
They are often distrustful and suspicious of others
motives, and people describe them as being "shy" or even
"snobby."
Someone who is aloof is pretending that they don't care
what others think. It is a fake 'mask' designed to
give them the "upper hand."
You know you're in the presence of an Aloof person when
you find yourself doing all the talking, and asking question
after question, trying to get them to come out of their
shell.
They will contribute very little to the conversation...
This is exactly where they want you, because it gives them
a feeling of control. This is how they get attention,
validation, and your energy.
You'll probably feel inadequate or "less than", as if
something is inherently wrong with you. Again, you'll feel
discomfort in the Solar-Plexus Chakra (upper belly).
If you complain, they will often just give you the silent
treatment.
Of course, one needs to look at how they might be contributing
to these types of aloof responses in others...
DESIRE ITSELF PROMOTES ALOOF BEHAVIOR
Desire, neediness, and wantingness will naturally create an
aversion in another person. Examples of this might be when
a salesman approaches someone, or when a "pickup artist"
approaches a woman with too much desire - this creates an
aversion in the other person.
Although this aversion can seem similar to aloofness, in this
case one needs to take responsibility and come to realize that
they are really just contributing to the problem.
ALOOFNESS AS A SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE
Now, there is a theme being played out in many relationships
and it goes like this:
"The one who loves least is in control of the relationship."
This is often the hidden motive, the hidden agenda of one
who is being aloof, which is to try and "attract" someone
by playing on their sense of validation and their addiction
to approval.
The downside of this is that this "playing aloof" might be
cute, coy, and seductive, but it only "works well" on those
who live primarily in the solar-plexus level of consciousness
(desire, validation, wantingness, control, power, fame, etc.)
thus it precludes one from being able to attract a mate that
is more spiritual (compassion, kindness for it's own enjoyment,
and unconditional love).
Someone who says they want true love to enter their life
but then uses aloof behavior patterns to try to "get" love
is really missing the whole point. They can only "attract"
mates who are really just seeking validation. They are,
in a sense, using the wrong bait.
ALOOF BEHAVIOR FALLS BELOW "THE INTEGRITY LINE"
Many people ask me, "Where do you draw the line between
working on your 'skills' versus just walking away from
somebody who's too aloof? How do you know for certain
that it wasn't your 'skill' (or lack thereof)?"
I draw the line at integrity because without honesty, healthy
relationships are not likely to occur.
> For a more in-depth and advanced education in these matters,
click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you tomorrow with part 3 in
this series, "The Interrogator."
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Top 4 Negative Relationship Patterns: Energy Vampires (Part 3 of 4)
Are you ready for part three?
Let's do this...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER THREE: THE 'INTERROGATOR'
Interrogators ask questions that aren't sincere -
They really DO NOT want to hear your views, but instead,
they use questions to BREAK DOWN your views and try to
make you doubt yourself.
Interrogators are (initially) difficult to detect,
because they are perfectionists; These people see the life
as a competition, thus they are quite masterful when it
comes to manipulating others.
They see the world as Win/Lose instead of Win/Win.
It's been said that the greatest illusion of "Lucifer"
lied in his ability to make people believe he didn't exist.
That's a great metaphor for explaining what Interrogators
do to people, because when you spot an Interrogator and try
to gently point out what he or she is doing, they too will
pretend that they are "innocent" and that this heavily
ingrained and entirely obvious pattern of behavior does not
exist.
Then they will turn around and casually remark that there
is something wrong with YOU. They'll go, "Why would you say
that? Why are you so PARANOID, huh?" (Notice they are not
really asking a question, but rather, making a statement
about you.)
Or they will accuse you of being "too sensitive"... as if
*sensitivity* was a bad thing. In actuality, sensitivity is
a natural byproduct of wisdom.
Interrogators undermine other people's reality, usually by
making insincere comments (such as a "neg" or subtle
put-down) or by asking lots of rhetorical questions, and
trying to find the weak points in what people are saying
and doing.
Crooked sales people, lawyers, politicians, and other
business criminals are often Interrogators as well.
They are very clever people, but "cleverness" is often a sign
that one is being dishonest and insincere. They lack the
courage it takes to merely speak the truth and reveal their
true intentions.
Speaking of intentions, they will often pretend that they
are merely interrogating others "for their own good", so
there is much narcissistic gain and the desire to feel superior.
Interestingly, they probably had aloof parents. Aloof
parents often "create" interrogator children. It's the
child's way of getting the parent to pay attention to them.
Interrogators also offer a lot of "unsolicited advice".
They want to tell you what you "should" and "shouldn't"
do, be, think, and feel, even though you didn't ask for any
advice. So they can be quite arrogant.
They ask many rhetorical questions, and often play
"De.vil's advocate". But, the questions they ask are not
questions at all! It is their attempt to break down your
reality and manipulate you to adopt their own limited
perceptions.
Do you know what a "pointed question" is?
It is a passive-aggressive way of telling someone off
and making them feel inferior.
Here is an example:
"Why would you do/say/think/be/choose that?!"
That's NOT an actual question. It is a comment about
your inferiority. The subtle, passive-aggressive sub-
communication is that you're really [insert insult here].
Again, you will know when you're being interrogated when
you get that uncomfortable feeling at the mid-line
(Solar-Plexus Chakra).
"Why would you say that?!"
"Why would you take that class in college?!"
"What's the matter with you?!"
"Dude, but don't you think that XYZ would have been better??"
Note that those aren't "questions" at all. If you look
closer, they are coming right out and telling you that
you're stupid.
You see, they aren't interested in other people's wisdom,
although they're good at ACTING as though they are!
You'll often hear them say, "I'm just trying to help
you." But helping you is usually the last thing on their
minds. They are attempting to dominate and control you,
and disguising it as "help."
They do this out of a need to feel important, superior,
and stronger, perhaps because deep down, they're really
afraid that they are inferior.
They want to be seen as "alpha", or above other people.
Psychiatrists label them with "Narcissistic Personality
Dis0rder" and j0ke among themselves that there are none
(because they never come to therapy).
> For a more advanced understanding, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading. I'll see you to tomorrow with part four
of this series, "The Intimidator."
Blessings,
Stephane
Let's do this...
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER THREE: THE 'INTERROGATOR'
Interrogators ask questions that aren't sincere -
They really DO NOT want to hear your views, but instead,
they use questions to BREAK DOWN your views and try to
make you doubt yourself.
Interrogators are (initially) difficult to detect,
because they are perfectionists; These people see the life
as a competition, thus they are quite masterful when it
comes to manipulating others.
They see the world as Win/Lose instead of Win/Win.
It's been said that the greatest illusion of "Lucifer"
lied in his ability to make people believe he didn't exist.
That's a great metaphor for explaining what Interrogators
do to people, because when you spot an Interrogator and try
to gently point out what he or she is doing, they too will
pretend that they are "innocent" and that this heavily
ingrained and entirely obvious pattern of behavior does not
exist.
Then they will turn around and casually remark that there
is something wrong with YOU. They'll go, "Why would you say
that? Why are you so PARANOID, huh?" (Notice they are not
really asking a question, but rather, making a statement
about you.)
Or they will accuse you of being "too sensitive"... as if
*sensitivity* was a bad thing. In actuality, sensitivity is
a natural byproduct of wisdom.
Interrogators undermine other people's reality, usually by
making insincere comments (such as a "neg" or subtle
put-down) or by asking lots of rhetorical questions, and
trying to find the weak points in what people are saying
and doing.
Crooked sales people, lawyers, politicians, and other
business criminals are often Interrogators as well.
They are very clever people, but "cleverness" is often a sign
that one is being dishonest and insincere. They lack the
courage it takes to merely speak the truth and reveal their
true intentions.
Speaking of intentions, they will often pretend that they
are merely interrogating others "for their own good", so
there is much narcissistic gain and the desire to feel superior.
Interestingly, they probably had aloof parents. Aloof
parents often "create" interrogator children. It's the
child's way of getting the parent to pay attention to them.
Interrogators also offer a lot of "unsolicited advice".
They want to tell you what you "should" and "shouldn't"
do, be, think, and feel, even though you didn't ask for any
advice. So they can be quite arrogant.
They ask many rhetorical questions, and often play
"De.vil's advocate". But, the questions they ask are not
questions at all! It is their attempt to break down your
reality and manipulate you to adopt their own limited
perceptions.
Do you know what a "pointed question" is?
It is a passive-aggressive way of telling someone off
and making them feel inferior.
Here is an example:
"Why would you do/say/think/be/choose that?!"
That's NOT an actual question. It is a comment about
your inferiority. The subtle, passive-aggressive sub-
communication is that you're really [insert insult here].
Again, you will know when you're being interrogated when
you get that uncomfortable feeling at the mid-line
(Solar-Plexus Chakra).
"Why would you say that?!"
"Why would you take that class in college?!"
"What's the matter with you?!"
"Dude, but don't you think that XYZ would have been better??"
Note that those aren't "questions" at all. If you look
closer, they are coming right out and telling you that
you're stupid.
You see, they aren't interested in other people's wisdom,
although they're good at ACTING as though they are!
You'll often hear them say, "I'm just trying to help
you." But helping you is usually the last thing on their
minds. They are attempting to dominate and control you,
and disguising it as "help."
They do this out of a need to feel important, superior,
and stronger, perhaps because deep down, they're really
afraid that they are inferior.
They want to be seen as "alpha", or above other people.
Psychiatrists label them with "Narcissistic Personality
Dis0rder" and j0ke among themselves that there are none
(because they never come to therapy).
> For a more advanced understanding, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading. I'll see you to tomorrow with part four
of this series, "The Intimidator."
Blessings,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Top 4 Negative Relationship Patterns: Energy Vampires (Part 4 of 4)
Today we're going to discuss the fourth "ego pattern to watch
out for", as well as some simple ways to handle all four of
the patterns we've discussed so far.
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER FOUR: THE 'INTIMIDATOR'
While Interrogators see life as a 'playing field',
INTIMIDATORS see life as a W A R.
As such, they are easy to spot.
These are the macho jerks, the control freaks, the
bullies, the authoritarians, the "alpha males", the
rage-a-holics - you get the idea.
The reason they act this way, just like with all of the
energy vampire types, is out of fear. They are afraid that
others are trying to take their power away from them and
that they won't be loved or get what they want.
(Quite often they are still playing out an old unresolved
childhood abuse drama.)
They intimidate others into giving them money, love,
attention, etc. by being judgmental, smart-alecky, cocky,
sarcastic, aggressive, dominant, loud, angry,
self-centered, etc.
When in the presence of other Intimidators, the interaction
can often escalate to arguments and even VI0LENCE.
An interesting thing happens with Intimidators. When they
notice that they aren't able to control or bully one into
submission, they will often SWITCH into a "Poor Me".
Instead of using overt threats, they might try to use guilt
instead.
Poor Me's will also "switch" from time to time and become
aggressive when they are not getting the pity they are
craving.
Perhaps you can remember a time when your ex-girlfriend or
boyfriend went from crying and begging... to a state of rage
and yelling.
Similarly, an Aloof will often turn into an Interrogator
when they realize that being aloof isn't getting your
attention, they can turn around and start interrogating
you instead.
And, an Interrogator will often turn into an Aloof when
they realize they can't control you.
Poor Me's and Intimidators usually "evolve" into Aloof's
and Interrogators as their consciousness level rises. As
they become more educated and clever, they leave behind the
old "Jerry Springer Show" mentality and start manipulating
people in more clever, suave, and subtle ways.
In the old days, we mostly saw relationships consisting of
'the macho man and his doormat housewife'. And, as
our consciousness level increased, the various feminist
movements occurred, which left most couples treating each
other more like friends who argue a lot (instead of
having sex).
The "poor me" housewife and "intimidator" husband has
evolved into "the aloof" housewife and "interrogator"
husband, or vice-versa, with many combinations of each
of the four patterns that differ from context to context.
Of course, all of these behaviors fall below "the integrity
line" and thus they preclude a healthy relationship.
> For a deeper understanding in these matters, please refer
to this page:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you in a couple days.
Namaste,
Stephane
out for", as well as some simple ways to handle all four of
the patterns we've discussed so far.
ENERGY VAMP NUMBER FOUR: THE 'INTIMIDATOR'
While Interrogators see life as a 'playing field',
INTIMIDATORS see life as a W A R.
As such, they are easy to spot.
These are the macho jerks, the control freaks, the
bullies, the authoritarians, the "alpha males", the
rage-a-holics - you get the idea.
The reason they act this way, just like with all of the
energy vampire types, is out of fear. They are afraid that
others are trying to take their power away from them and
that they won't be loved or get what they want.
(Quite often they are still playing out an old unresolved
childhood abuse drama.)
They intimidate others into giving them money, love,
attention, etc. by being judgmental, smart-alecky, cocky,
sarcastic, aggressive, dominant, loud, angry,
self-centered, etc.
When in the presence of other Intimidators, the interaction
can often escalate to arguments and even VI0LENCE.
An interesting thing happens with Intimidators. When they
notice that they aren't able to control or bully one into
submission, they will often SWITCH into a "Poor Me".
Instead of using overt threats, they might try to use guilt
instead.
Poor Me's will also "switch" from time to time and become
aggressive when they are not getting the pity they are
craving.
Perhaps you can remember a time when your ex-girlfriend or
boyfriend went from crying and begging... to a state of rage
and yelling.
Similarly, an Aloof will often turn into an Interrogator
when they realize that being aloof isn't getting your
attention, they can turn around and start interrogating
you instead.
And, an Interrogator will often turn into an Aloof when
they realize they can't control you.
Poor Me's and Intimidators usually "evolve" into Aloof's
and Interrogators as their consciousness level rises. As
they become more educated and clever, they leave behind the
old "Jerry Springer Show" mentality and start manipulating
people in more clever, suave, and subtle ways.
In the old days, we mostly saw relationships consisting of
'the macho man and his doormat housewife'. And, as
our consciousness level increased, the various feminist
movements occurred, which left most couples treating each
other more like friends who argue a lot (instead of
having sex).
The "poor me" housewife and "intimidator" husband has
evolved into "the aloof" housewife and "interrogator"
husband, or vice-versa, with many combinations of each
of the four patterns that differ from context to context.
Of course, all of these behaviors fall below "the integrity
line" and thus they preclude a healthy relationship.
> For a deeper understanding in these matters, please refer
to this page:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you in a couple days.
Namaste,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
HUMILITY: Your Ticket To Succeeding With Women...
Do you sometimes worry about what women think of you?
How much of your energy do you waste trying to gain
approval, attention, validation?
This is an important newsletter...
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
How do I stop caring so much about what women (and other
people) think of me??
Thanks, Tom
>>>MY COMMENTS:
When I pick up a new girl, I do not think, "My skill is
getting so tight!"
My 'skill' is not MINE at all... it comes from somewhere
that is truly beyond 'me'.
I am not "happy" when a girl says, "You turn me on soooo
much!"
"I" am not responsible.
Consciousness is.
When people say, "Don't take things so personally" we
usually make the crucial mistake of thinking that we should
not take "insults" or "negativity" personally, BUT we
can take "positive" things personally and feel good about
them.
Insults and compliments are but two sides of the same coin.
I'm suggesting that we take absolutely NOTHING
personally... including gifts, compliments, niceties,
and so on.
There really is no "Tom" and "Stephane", there is only
Consciousness itself, expressing itself through various
bodies.
Our names, identities, professions... even our mind and
bodies are of the Ego, of the "animal side" of human
flesh. When we die, we lose it all.
You see, the human body has no way of knowing that it
exists. An arm cannot know that it is an arm.
The human mind also has no idea about it's own existence.
A brain has no self-referral feedback loops. The human mind
is unable to exclaim, "I AM."
And, even thoughts themselves have no way of knowing that
they exist. A memory has no idea about it's own 'memory-ness'.
The I Am'ness itself, in other words, the fact that we know
that we even exist at all comes from an impersonal aspect
of Consciousness. Awareness itself is what we actually "are".
This can be subjectively verified in your own experience
by simply trying to stop thinking. It will be discovered
that 'thinkingness' will just go on... and on... and on...
If we were the thoughts, then we would be able to stop them.
Sure, we can "will" the thoughts to become under our temporary
control, but it is difficult to do and requires much energy.
So, we are not the body, we are not the mind, we are not even the
thoughts. We are the Consciousness (or Awareness), or what some
have termed the "silent witness."
So how does this apply to succeeding in the Dating world?
Well, it reduces our pride (ego) increases our humility.
When a girl tells me, "You turn me on so much!" I do NOT
go inside my head and have an ego-trip...
Instead, I go, "She is getting turned on by this aspect of
human consciousness. It's not about me, it's about all
that humanity can achieve."
Humility stems from the willingness to see our lives as the
expression of various levels of Consciousness.
Again - Insults and compliments are simply two sides of the
same coin.
Take nothing personally, because nothing in this material
world, including "women" will remain after the body dies.
All that remains in the end is our INCREASED LEVEL OF
CONSCIOUSNESS, which is Eternal.
Jesus said that it is better to store treasures in heaven
than on earth, and what I think he meant by this is that the
only "treasures" we can ever store permanently has to do
with our level of conscious awareness.
In other words, the only thing we can take with us, in the
end, is our level of consciousness and thus, our ability to
Love Unconditionally is decidedly a very worthwhile
aspect of our lives to work on.
> For a much more advanced education, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Namaste, thanks for reading!
Be well,
Stephane
How much of your energy do you waste trying to gain
approval, attention, validation?
This is an important newsletter...
***QUESTION***
Stephane,
How do I stop caring so much about what women (and other
people) think of me??
Thanks, Tom
>>>MY COMMENTS:
When I pick up a new girl, I do not think, "My skill is
getting so tight!"
My 'skill' is not MINE at all... it comes from somewhere
that is truly beyond 'me'.
I am not "happy" when a girl says, "You turn me on soooo
much!"
"I" am not responsible.
Consciousness is.
When people say, "Don't take things so personally" we
usually make the crucial mistake of thinking that we should
not take "insults" or "negativity" personally, BUT we
can take "positive" things personally and feel good about
them.
Insults and compliments are but two sides of the same coin.
I'm suggesting that we take absolutely NOTHING
personally... including gifts, compliments, niceties,
and so on.
There really is no "Tom" and "Stephane", there is only
Consciousness itself, expressing itself through various
bodies.
Our names, identities, professions... even our mind and
bodies are of the Ego, of the "animal side" of human
flesh. When we die, we lose it all.
You see, the human body has no way of knowing that it
exists. An arm cannot know that it is an arm.
The human mind also has no idea about it's own existence.
A brain has no self-referral feedback loops. The human mind
is unable to exclaim, "I AM."
And, even thoughts themselves have no way of knowing that
they exist. A memory has no idea about it's own 'memory-ness'.
The I Am'ness itself, in other words, the fact that we know
that we even exist at all comes from an impersonal aspect
of Consciousness. Awareness itself is what we actually "are".
This can be subjectively verified in your own experience
by simply trying to stop thinking. It will be discovered
that 'thinkingness' will just go on... and on... and on...
If we were the thoughts, then we would be able to stop them.
Sure, we can "will" the thoughts to become under our temporary
control, but it is difficult to do and requires much energy.
So, we are not the body, we are not the mind, we are not even the
thoughts. We are the Consciousness (or Awareness), or what some
have termed the "silent witness."
So how does this apply to succeeding in the Dating world?
Well, it reduces our pride (ego) increases our humility.
When a girl tells me, "You turn me on so much!" I do NOT
go inside my head and have an ego-trip...
Instead, I go, "She is getting turned on by this aspect of
human consciousness. It's not about me, it's about all
that humanity can achieve."
Humility stems from the willingness to see our lives as the
expression of various levels of Consciousness.
Again - Insults and compliments are simply two sides of the
same coin.
Take nothing personally, because nothing in this material
world, including "women" will remain after the body dies.
All that remains in the end is our INCREASED LEVEL OF
CONSCIOUSNESS, which is Eternal.
Jesus said that it is better to store treasures in heaven
than on earth, and what I think he meant by this is that the
only "treasures" we can ever store permanently has to do
with our level of conscious awareness.
In other words, the only thing we can take with us, in the
end, is our level of consciousness and thus, our ability to
Love Unconditionally is decidedly a very worthwhile
aspect of our lives to work on.
> For a much more advanced education, click here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Namaste, thanks for reading!
Be well,
Stephane
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Being Nice Versus Being Kind
This seems to be a popular question:
***QUESTION***
When I open my Heart to girls, they love it so much. But I
think there is no real attraction and lets just be friends.
When I am more direct and upfront, leading her, touching
her, not asking for any approval there IS attraction but
it's more of a power attraction, like I just don't care
about the girl and just want to f*ck her. I just want to
understand if it's possible to be in the Heart and still
have massive attraction. Maybe I should do both : Heart
opening + being direct upfront + touching.. because I have
this belief that Heart is not as strong as solar plexus
power g.ame...which is more a manipulation.
thanks for your explanation.
J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yes, this is a common dilemma to be going through.
At one level, a man learns to be "nice" to women, but as
he matures, he realizes that it doesn't work very well at
all. Women don't seem to want "nice guys", and sometimes
they even appear to prefer to be with complete a-holes.
This can be a pretty heartbreaking place to be in, where one
actually wonders if women have any self-respect whatsoever.
This seems to be the level of consciousness most guys are in
when they decide to open Google and type the words,
"picking up women" for the first time.
To resolve the "nice guy versus jerks" dilemma can be a
very difficult thing, especially since there is usually a
lot of pride involved in "succeeding with women" at this
level.
We then come to learn that when a woman chooses to date
jerks, it's due to her own low self-esteem, validation
issues, pride, etc., and we then begin to understand that
women who choose to be with jerks are not worth our time and
energy, in that they aren't ready for love at that point.
At this level, compassion begins to set in as we can begin
to see how people are really just choosing their own
victimhood due to ignorance and fear. What the world calls
"love" is really just romanticism, pride, desire, neediness, and
childish emotionalities.
The decision, then, is to choose Love with a capitol "L"
for ourselves, at the exclusion of all other tempting
options. This is the kind of Love that is unconditional, and
is just a way of being with woman-and-world, rather than
something one uses as a way of gaining anything from others
(e.g., validation, S EX, attention, greed).
With spiritual intention and dedication, one becomes
increasingly peaceful, forgiving, benign, and compassionate
with one's self and others and soon finds that any
deviation away from pure unconditional love (e.g., anger,
self-pity, guilt, justified resentments) is experienced as
being so subjectively painful that Love then becomes
progressively perfected as a way of life, "no matter
what."
At this level, all of the old questions such as, "Should I
be nice to women, or should I act like a jerk?" and "Do I
need to use this attraction technique?" and "If I become
truly loving, will I end up all alone?" begin to seem
childish and even funny.
Right now, you have this common fear that might be summed up
as, "If I embody my true loving nature, will women still be
attracted to me?"
Well, it depends on the girl.
Some women are actually repulsed by Love, and they view it
as weakness, fragility, naivety, stupidity, and boring.
Yet in my own experience, I have found that the majority of
women are immediately and instantly attracted to the energy
field of unconditional love.
BUT...
That probably shouldn't be the reason for wanting to
'achieve' the state itself. In fact, the very desire to be
loving for the purposes of selfish gain (control, S EX,
validation, etc.) seems to be the very block to it's
fulfillment.
To recap, at one level a guy is "nice", then he becomes
something of an opposite to nice (e.g. "cool", "cocky"),
and eventually that leads him into being kind, for the
enjoyment of being kind. And this is when true happiness
settles in and neediness is transcended forever. One is no
longer imprisoned by the emotional ups and downs of
so-called dating "success" or "failure."
(There is a let-go that occurs, where one sees that if a
woman doesn't want someone kind in her life, it's her
loss, and not his loss.)
This seems like a simple transition, but the human
ego often puts up a lot of resistance to embodying
unconditional love.
> Advanced Info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you in a couple days.
Blessings,
Stephane
PS - Do you have a question you'd like to submit?
Go here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/contact-ideagasms
***QUESTION***
When I open my Heart to girls, they love it so much. But I
think there is no real attraction and lets just be friends.
When I am more direct and upfront, leading her, touching
her, not asking for any approval there IS attraction but
it's more of a power attraction, like I just don't care
about the girl and just want to f*ck her. I just want to
understand if it's possible to be in the Heart and still
have massive attraction. Maybe I should do both : Heart
opening + being direct upfront + touching.. because I have
this belief that Heart is not as strong as solar plexus
power g.ame...which is more a manipulation.
thanks for your explanation.
J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yes, this is a common dilemma to be going through.
At one level, a man learns to be "nice" to women, but as
he matures, he realizes that it doesn't work very well at
all. Women don't seem to want "nice guys", and sometimes
they even appear to prefer to be with complete a-holes.
This can be a pretty heartbreaking place to be in, where one
actually wonders if women have any self-respect whatsoever.
This seems to be the level of consciousness most guys are in
when they decide to open Google and type the words,
"picking up women" for the first time.
To resolve the "nice guy versus jerks" dilemma can be a
very difficult thing, especially since there is usually a
lot of pride involved in "succeeding with women" at this
level.
We then come to learn that when a woman chooses to date
jerks, it's due to her own low self-esteem, validation
issues, pride, etc., and we then begin to understand that
women who choose to be with jerks are not worth our time and
energy, in that they aren't ready for love at that point.
At this level, compassion begins to set in as we can begin
to see how people are really just choosing their own
victimhood due to ignorance and fear. What the world calls
"love" is really just romanticism, pride, desire, neediness, and
childish emotionalities.
The decision, then, is to choose Love with a capitol "L"
for ourselves, at the exclusion of all other tempting
options. This is the kind of Love that is unconditional, and
is just a way of being with woman-and-world, rather than
something one uses as a way of gaining anything from others
(e.g., validation, S EX, attention, greed).
With spiritual intention and dedication, one becomes
increasingly peaceful, forgiving, benign, and compassionate
with one's self and others and soon finds that any
deviation away from pure unconditional love (e.g., anger,
self-pity, guilt, justified resentments) is experienced as
being so subjectively painful that Love then becomes
progressively perfected as a way of life, "no matter
what."
At this level, all of the old questions such as, "Should I
be nice to women, or should I act like a jerk?" and "Do I
need to use this attraction technique?" and "If I become
truly loving, will I end up all alone?" begin to seem
childish and even funny.
Right now, you have this common fear that might be summed up
as, "If I embody my true loving nature, will women still be
attracted to me?"
Well, it depends on the girl.
Some women are actually repulsed by Love, and they view it
as weakness, fragility, naivety, stupidity, and boring.
Yet in my own experience, I have found that the majority of
women are immediately and instantly attracted to the energy
field of unconditional love.
BUT...
That probably shouldn't be the reason for wanting to
'achieve' the state itself. In fact, the very desire to be
loving for the purposes of selfish gain (control, S EX,
validation, etc.) seems to be the very block to it's
fulfillment.
To recap, at one level a guy is "nice", then he becomes
something of an opposite to nice (e.g. "cool", "cocky"),
and eventually that leads him into being kind, for the
enjoyment of being kind. And this is when true happiness
settles in and neediness is transcended forever. One is no
longer imprisoned by the emotional ups and downs of
so-called dating "success" or "failure."
(There is a let-go that occurs, where one sees that if a
woman doesn't want someone kind in her life, it's her
loss, and not his loss.)
This seems like a simple transition, but the human
ego often puts up a lot of resistance to embodying
unconditional love.
> Advanced Info:
http://www.ideagasms.net/ideagasms-products
Thanks for reading, and see you in a couple days.
Blessings,
Stephane
PS - Do you have a question you'd like to submit?
Go here:
http://www.ideagasms.net/contact-ideagasms
>>>To sign up for this newsletter, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ideaGasms(R) 2009. All Rights Reserved. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following:
You understand that this is a set of opinions (and not
advice). This is to be used for entertainment, and not
considered as "professional advice". You are responsible
for any use of the information in this email, and hold
ideaGasms and all members and affiliates harmless in any
claim or event.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
